HEAD OVER HEELS - J. BREWER

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐕𝐄: 𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒

Dad and I stared at mom's grave for a long time in silence. He had put his bouquet down as soon as we got there, and since then hadn't moved a muscle. I wasn't even sure he had blinked. I knew that if one of us spoke, I would be crying within seconds. I wasn't ready to cry in front of him yet.

    "I'm sorry."

    My head shot to the side where he stood. His face was contorted like he was crying, his voice choked like the words were fighting out of him. I had never seen my dad cry in my life. My own tears covered my vision as I watched his shoulders shake profusely. He had seemed so removed and inhuman to me for so long that this display of emotion was so weird I didn't have a clue how to react. Should I try to comfort him? Did he want me to leave him alone, to deal with his sadness alone?

    "I was horrible, making you and your mom go through all that alone," he said, shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose. "I was so scared for her, Cerys. I didn't know what to do. I shouldn't have left you alone. I'm so, so sorry."

    "Dad..."

    He turned to face me and held out his arms, which I couldn't stop myself from falling into. This was the man who I had loved as a little girl, who would stay and protect me from monsters in my closet and draw pictures with me on his official-looking work papers. All the years of resentment disappeared for a moment as I allowed myself to cry like the child I was in the arms of my dad. I hoped that wherever mom was, she could see us making up. I hoped she could hear his apology and see how bad he truly felt. I didn't know why he had acted the way he had, and I certainly wouldn't forgive the years of neglect so easily, but for now, I could let myself mourn a little harder than I had been before.

***

    "Want me to come pick you up?" Jack asked, picking up the phone on the first ring. I chuckled.

    "I'll walk to the dojo. My dad thinks your car is our neighbor's son's car right now. Best to wait a while before you drive me anywhere."

    "I'll meet you halfway, yeah?"

    "Sure. See you soon."

    "See you in a minute."

    I grabbed my duffle bag and treaded downstairs lightly. My dad was on a call in the living room. I waved at him as I put my shoes on. He covered the speaker with his hand, "Where are you off to?"

    "Karate. I'll be home by ten."

    "Ten?"

    "I've got some friends there. We usually eat and hang out for a bit after practice."

    "Oh, okay. Be safe."

    "Thanks," I said with another little wave as I left. I didn't bother locking the door behind myself since dad was home already. No one ever broke in, but it was better to be safe than sorry most of the time. Especially with mom at home by herself when I was at school. Not that I needed to worry about that anymore.

    I stopped at the corner and put a hand over my mouth, stifling a sob. It was so hard sometimes. Especially after this morning, what with visiting her grave and crying with dad...my emotions were entirely out of whack. Tears fogged up my vision and I had to turn the corner blind, sniffling and struggling for breath. It took me a few minutes to get back some control over my tears, but Jack had already found me by then, and as soon as I caught sight of him I took off running. I was in his arms in seconds, my tears flowing strong again as I sobbed into his chest. He held me tight, the only thing keeping me standing the longer I cried.

    "I miss her and dad was so nice to me today and he said he was sorry-"

    "Shh," Jack soothed, rubbing a hand up and down my back. I gripped his shirt in my fists as I sobbed harder, soaking tear streaks into his shirt. "It's okay, Cer. I'm here."

    "I don't know what to do with myself without her!"

"You're going to make it, because you're so strong and she loved you so much and she would want you to work through this, Cerys."

    "I don't want to work through it without her," I whispered, pulling back to look up at Jack. He looked over my face carefully, brushing hair back from my eyes with gentle fingers. I could feel my cheeks were flushed and my eyes shiny, but Jack didn't care. He never cared about how much of a hot mess I was these days - he just wanted to help me. "I just want her back. It was so much easier when she was here."

    "It'll get better. I promise."

    I nodded and tucked my face back into his chest, letting out a few more sobs before attempting to pull myself together. He brushed the tears from my face and smiled down at me when I met his eyes.

    "Come on. Let me take your bag. Our friends are waiting."

***

    "Cer, I need to go to the bathroom. Come with?" Kim asked. We had been sitting on the mats at Bobby Wasabi's for an hour after practice already. I had no intention of heading home as long as Rudy would let us stay, and he hadn't come out of his office to get rid of us yet.

    "Sure," I replied as I stood from between Jack's legs, flinching a little when he kicked the back of my knee. I flipped him the bird behind my back as Kim took my other arm to lead me to the women's change rooms. "Scared of the toilet monster?"

    "Of course."

    I sat on one of the sinks as I waited for her to be done, humming to myself and kicking my feet. I didn't really understand needing company to go to the bathroom together, but I understood that it was girl code and needed to be followed to a T. You could never leave a girl hanging; especially when that girl was as sugary-sweet as Kim Crawford. Swear to god, I would've done anything that girl asked.

    "Did you wanna talk to me about something?" I called as the toilet flushed. She came out bearing a grin. "You sure do."

    "You and Jack...official?"

    "Yes ma'am. A few months back."

    "He's so good to you. My ex and I are official too. He's a little wary about the idea, but I thought maybe we could go on a double date sometime. Ease the tension, introduce all of you in a neutral environment. Do you think Jack would be up for it?" she asked hesitantly.

    How could I say no to that face? "If he isn't, I'll wear him down," I answered with a grin. She looked up from the mirror to cast me a grateful look. "I would love to meet him. What did you say his name was again? I thought I saw the two of you the other day."

    "Brett. I think you did, in study hall. I pointed you out to him and he just nodded," she rolled her eyes, "Men are so great at talking, aren't they?"

    "The greatest. Jack is like that when we go out too. Maybe we should do something like laser tag or a trampoline park! Then we can get some grub after and actually talk. Jack and Brett can show off to each other and we can just laugh at them."

    She giggled and dried her hands off on some paper towel, then held them out to help me down off the sink. I squeezed and smiled at her, pulling her into a tight hug. It had been so long since I'd had a good girl-friend, and Kim was most certainly the best I would ever have. It was no wonder Jack used to have a thing for her - she was the sweetest thing in the world. Better than any chocolate or gummies I've had.

    She smiled at me again as she pulled back, pushing some hair behind my ear. "You're my best friend, Cerys. I'm so glad Jack convinced you to join our dojo."    I squeezed her again before letting her go. "Me too, Kim. Me too."

***

1425 words.