The Princess's Servant

98. The Big Reveal

Content warning. Please check the comments for the specific themes.

"No. No no no no no. " Head shaking. Hands trembling. "You... You can't be. You wouldn't— ..." Holden dipped his head down, and it struck him that she absolutely would.

A string plucked in Sybil's chest and she knew she had mere seconds to get ahold of this situation before it got ahold of her. "I can explain," she attempted, but he cut her off with a sharp "Shh!"

He was thinking. He was searching the ground beneath him for answers. The pieces came together in his head the way the stones came together in the massive wall in front of them. Slowly, slowly, he nodded his head in understanding. "I think... you were trying to get me to kill myself," he told her.

Sybil physically jolted. "What? No! That's the opposite of what I want!"

"Ah. You want to be the one to kill me."

"I don't want anyone to kill you! I want you to live!"

"Right," Holden thought. "Can't torment me if I'm dead."

"No. Wardian—"

"It's alright, Sybil. I get it now." His voice was quiet but there was a sharpness to his words. "You hate me, so you did the worst thing you could think of. You made me feel safe. Feel cared for. Feel even... loved. Only to take it all away and leave me stranded. Engulf me in a bath of warmth so the ice burns that much colder."

"Wardian—"

"Of course, I'd guess your 'big reveal' was meant to come later. But, even the best laid plans..."

Sybil couldn't begin to tell him all the ways he was wrong. "That is not what happened."

"I know it is. We both know it is." His eyes were pure will-power, his pupils black mirrors of the wall before them. "Gods! All those smiles, all that laughter — All of it, mere foliage over a spike-filled ditch! Cara the Huntress. The bait on the end of the hook." He shook his head once. "I should've seen it coming."

"It wasn't like that." Her voice was strained, almost pleading. Sybil was herself again, though maybe she was still a bit of Cara too. She wanted him to like her. She wanted him to like her the way she liked him.

"Please. I've heard enough lies."

"It's not a lie!"

"It's over, Sybil!" Holden exhaled and brought his voice down low. "If it's any consolation, this is by far and away the worst thing anyone has ever done to me. By a wide margin. So you can feel good about that."

"That wasn't—! I didn't want it to be—!"

"Enough! Enough with the lies! Are you scared I'll strike back? That I'll jail you or put you through another trial? Because I can promise, that in spite of my own feelings, you will once again miraculously face zero consequences for your misdeeds. For better or worse, your life is still inextricably intertwined to those of thousands of innocents. So there's not much I can do to you unless I want to indirectly cause their deaths. And their lives aren't worth my vengeance."

Despite words that were meant to be reassuring, Sybil felt frustration take root inside of her like a weed. Tears ached at the back of her throat, her fury preventing them from spilling out. "I don't know how to make you understand that this isn't a lie," she told him. "What I'm saying is the truth! Holden!"

But the prince wouldn't hear it. He only shook his head his head again, this time in disbelief. "You are... incalculably cruel," he told her. "Crueler than anyone gives you credit for. Crueler than anybody I've ever known and anybody I would ever like to know. For the Lailoyans' sake, we will remain married. You will not be jailed and you will not suffer another trial. I'll even give you the guest house as a gift, along with any food or clothes you may require, so that the two of us may appear in public when my brother demands it. But otherwise, you and I are over with. If I ever have to see or hear from you again, outside of the occasional forced ball, it will be far, far too soon."

"Holden—"

"Starting right now. You taught me that I get to decide what sort of treatment I accept from others. So this is my decision: if you ever try to hurt me again -- in even the smallest of ways -- I will personally see to it that you are exiled from the Empire of Ward. Permanently. And should my brother choose to formally bring Lailoy into the Wardian empire's fold, and you find you are no longer allowed in your homeland, I will not bear the fault."

"Wardian, can you please just listen to me for two seconds? I'm trying to tell you--!"

"And I'm trying to tell you I'm done listening to your falsehoods! ... I'm sorry, Sybil. I'm sorry your plan didn't go the way you wanted. I'm very sorry you seem incapable of love. But this is how we end. This is it." And with that, the prince turned his back to her and started on his way.

"Please." Those tears that had merely grated the back of her throat now spilled out. "It wasn't an act! I-- " The words felt like rocks in her throat but she had to say them anyway. "I love you." Her body trembled. A mix of terror and the shivering cold.

Holden stopped for one brief moment at these words. "No," he told her, not so much as bothering to look over his shoulder at her. "You don't. I don't even know that you could if you wanted to. Goodbye, Sybil," he said. And he continued on his way.

Sybil's sorrow flashed to vitriol. Her tears ran hot and her muscles tensed. The pop of a burning log. "I hate you!" she yelled.

The prince didn't so much as pause in his way.

But Sybil continued regardless. "I hate you more than the sun hates night! More than fire hates ice! More than the rabbit hates the wolf and more than shadow hates the flame! I hate you more than anyone! More than I thought I ever could hate anyone! I hate you more than-- more than..." Heartache threatened to overtake her anger once more. More than life itself, she wanted to say, but she couldn't finish the thought. The once great princess collapsed to her knees in the streaming rain as another flash of lightning split the sky.

Holden wanted to stop. He wanted to go back to her. He wanted to cry. But the prince did none of those things. He just kept marching through the narrow streets, straight on back to his cabin. He'd once heard of a great fish that would die if it stopped swimming. He felt like that now.

The alleyway was quiet without Holden, save for the sounds of crying. The pouring rain soaked Sybil to the bone as she wallowed in the numbing marshes of her own disbelief. It could have been the lightning, and it could have been her mind, but she could have sworn she saw a flash of silver.

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