IBADAT-E-ISHQ

First Conversation 👀

"वो चाहत नहीं इबादत होती है
जब किसी की खुबसूरती से नहीं
उसकी रूह से मोहब्बत होती है ।"

~RAISA~

As I sit in the broad daylight on this beautiful swing in the garden of Qaiser's house. I realize how the situation of this morning and my life is similar in this moment.

A beautiful winter morning in Delhi, which is colder today compared to the same day in previous few years. I realize that the little rays of suns, even though they are partially hiding behind the clouds, but how helpful they are on this cold morning. 

Just like my life's situation. 

Even though I'm at the lowest point in my life right now, because I can't see any hope for my future and my past was already ruined but still the little satisfaction I felt today, while I finally accepted the fact that I'll be leaving my house, felt good. Felt warm, just like the sun in the sky.

And I realized that even without expecting anything, maybe I can still make it alive. In fact, I think I will only make it alive if I don't expect anything and try to accept the fact that sometimes you don't get what you always want and now that I've finally accepted the fact that I can't get the type of life I wanted for myself, I can at least be thankful that nothing worse is happening with me right now. And about future, I just won't simply think because it's been a long time since I stopped dreaming about future.

As I grasp this new information and reality of my life, I look at the man who's sitting beside me on this swing and I realize, I should probably say what is right. 

"I'm sorry." I say as I look at the man sitting beside me, Qaiser. 

Suddenly he looks at me, as if he wasn't expecting me to speak in the first place. "For?" He asks with those soft eyes.

"For the way I behaved with you, that day." I say lowering my gaze, because God, I genuinely hate it when he looks at me with that softness in his eyes.

"Don't say sorry, Raisa." He speak softly, again using that gentle tone with me. "Because it isn't your fault, nothing is. And I totally understand why you behaved that way." He says sounding genuine and forcing me to look at him to see if he looks that genuine as well.

He does?

And it forces me to ask, "You do?"

"Yeah." He says and then adds, "Why do you look so shocked that I understand your emotions?"

Because I'm not habitual to it.

I think in my head but when I notice his eyes still looking at me, I realize that I've said it aloud. And before I can say anything to cover it up, he speaks up.

"Then get habitual to it, Raisa. Because I will try my best to not just understand your emotions but YOU as well." He says firmly and I notice something in his eyes but before I could focus on it, he speaks again, "Raisa we couldn't talk that day but I genuinely want to tell you this ... I want this marriage to work." He says affirmatively. But do marriages really work?

"I want to give you everything you want Raisa. Respect, loyalty, sincerity, acceptance, attentiveness, time, emotions, love ... everything." He says but his last word has me looking at him attentively. Did he just say love?