IBADAT-E-ISHQ

Hot but Cold ☕

वो मिला मुझे कुछ ऐसा,
के एक अजीब उलझन जैसा ।
दिखने में ज़ालिम दिल्ली की ठंड जैसा
और पास जाओ तो कुल्लड़ की चाय सा गर्म जैसा।।

~RAISA~

I looked at myself in mirror, trying to smile through the tears.

"Aaj kyu ro rhi h, isme konsa kuch naya h. Ab tak toh tujhe aadat ho jani chahiye thi na inn chizo ki?"(Why are you crying today? what's new in this? Till now, you should've got accustomed to this!) I asked to the girl who was looking at me through the mirror of my room.

I just smiled weakly at her, finding no response to give to her, that will satisfy her. Then I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. 

It's one thing dealing with negativity and toxicity at home and it's absolutely different, making a home in negativity and toxicity, and living in it as if nothing is out of place. And this is where I live, I've been calling this toxic place my home since last 16 years. And I don't have any idea for how long I'll have to pretend like this place is my home, when in reality this place is the reason why I'm still waiting for a home.

I smiled at my reflection in the mirror, "It's ok. You're strong and one day you'll find a way out of it." I said to my 23-year-old self who was absolutely bored of this same line, which she was forced to hear since she was 7 years old. But anyway, at least she tried to believe my words or maybe it was my delusional self, believing that she believes my words.

But anyhow, I'm not going to ruin my mood or my makeup cause today was my best friend's wedding reception and Rayaan was about to knock on my door anytime now, and I can't risk being caught having tears in my eyes, given by my step sister. Because my little brother's mood depends on mine and I can't risk his mood being ruined.

"Dii." Rayaan walked in my room, without knocking, again.

"How many times do I need to tell you that don't come with knocking?" I scolded him over the same thing, again.

"Come on, Dii. If you don't want me to come inside your room then lock it." Rayaan gave me his cheeky smile.

"One day ...."

"Yeah, I'll wait for that day." He said cutting me off and then continued, "Samastika Di, is waiting for you outside and everyone else is also ready to go, come downstairs." He said and went back.

I checked my reflection in the mirror one more time, adjusting the dupatta of my burgundy naira cut suit. I was happy with the way I looked in my own creation. I always wanted to become a fashion designer and after completing my degree in fashion designing, I wanted to open my own boutique now, maybe one day.

I wasn't in the mood for heels today, so, I ditched them and wore my matching colorr jutti. I don't think so, ditching heels made me look smaller, thankfully I was gifted with an average Indian girl height, which was 5 feet 4 inches.

And after picking my phone from the bedside table, I made my way downstairs.

Samastika smiled up at me as soon as she noticed me on the stairs, "Finally my pretty lady is here." She said and Rayaan made a face on her comment, nothing new.