Hurts Me Too

Now That I Know What I'm Without(You Can't Just Leave Me Here)

Sam and Castiel camp in the woods when Sam physically cannot walk any farther. Sam does not bother with the tent as he throws the sleeping bags on the ground. He falls asleep and Castiel is left alone. He eats canned fruit and stares at the trees above him. He missed being able to fly the most from when he lost his grace. It was painful losing his wings, and he wondered if other angels experienced that or if it was just him that got his wings clipped. Castiel dug in his backpack until he pulled out his last remaining feather. He twisted it in his hands for a while and felt his eyes burn.

Castiel exhaled heavily and put his feather on his sleeping bag. It was a sleepless night, he supposed. He fumbled around in Sam's bag until he found a flashlight. Once armed, he got up and began walking. Castiel didn't know where he was going, but he needed to think. He would kill for weed right about now. The thought drew a bitter smile to his face, he wondered if Sam wished to have demon blood some days. Dean had been irritable most of the time they were in camp, and Castiel thought it was due to general anger at the world, but it might have been withdrawal.

Team Free Will, a trio of ex-junkies, and Dean would have laughed at that if he were five years younger and not marred by the apocalypse. Castiel was sure of it.

Castiel walked and walked until his legs burned, and he had to take a break. He plopped down on the ground near the walls from earlier. He felt relief briefly flood him at the sight, and at least he wasn't lost. Castiel should have brought water with him, but he had not considered how far he would be walking. Castiel heaved himself up and started back to the makeshift camp.

When he got back to camp, Sam was gone; Castiel was going to brush it off as Sam always seemed to wander off. He remembered that he was gone when Sam woke up, and Sam was likely looking for him... Shit.

"Sam!" Castiel called out. He fell silent, hoping to hear Sam yell back at him. "Sam!"

No response. Castiel frowned and yelled again. He walked into the woods franticly searching and calling for the other man.

"Castiel!"

Finally. Castiel ran off in the direction he heard Sam yell. When Castiel found Sam he had company, but it was not the helpful kind, but no, it was people beating up Sam. The ex-angel was furious and worried, mainly worried. He longed for the ability to smite, but all he had was his lackluster fighting skills. Castiel picked up a hefty branch from the ground and beat the first person he could. The man was thrown off by the sudden hit, and Castiel was able to knock him out.

Castiel noticed the two bodies on the ground and assumed that was Sam's doing. The remaining attackers looked at Castiel before going after him. They punched and kicked, and Castiel swung at them as best as he could. Sam eventually got the memo that he was no longer being attacked and sprang into action. Sam grabbed the woman trying to take Castiel's branch and slammed her to the ground. The second man was momentarily distracted by Sam, allowing Castiel to knock him out, too. Castiel picked up one of the discarded guns and shoved it in the waistband of his jeans. The ex-angel walked over to Sam, his jaw tensed and his adrenaline high.

"What happened," Castiel demanded as he stared at Sam with a piercing gaze. Sam shrunk in on himself, but Castiel was not in the mood for this. "Sam."

"You were gone, and I went looking for you, but I found them instead," Sam muttered. Castiel clenched his jaw and looked at the dead bodies. "Those were the ones that saw me first..." Sam looked away from Castiel and to the people he killed, "I didn't mean to," he added meekly. Castiel looked at Sam, his eyes ice cold.

"Were they going to kill you?"

"Yeah."

"Then you had to."

"No. No, I didn't. I should have just knocked those people out." Sam looked at the discarded guns, "I shouldn't have stopped them," he added quietly. Castiel felt anger surge through him again, and he grabbed Sam by the arm. Sam was surprised by the action and the force behind Castiel's touch.

"Cas- "

Castiel cut him off, "How could you say that? What makes you think you can just leave me."

Sam is silent. Castiel scrutinized him before doing something very stupid. He put both his hands on Sam's face and pulled him into a kiss. Sam made a surprised noise but did not push Castiel away, and instead he kissed back. The ex-angel assumed that was a good sign. Castiel eventually pulled back first.

"We should go back before they wake up," Castiel mutters. Sam had a dazed look on his face but nodded in agreement. Castiel undoubtedly complicated their friendship(?) but hey, maybe they can kiss some more. He is sorely mistaken.

They got back to their tent and packed their items in awkward silence. The tension was not what Castiel had wanted, but he supposed he could wait until they were a safe distance away from the camp.

"I guess it's good we didn't try and go in there," Sam remarked. Castiel snorted at the comment.

"I guess so."

Silence settled over them again, and it was very awkward. Sam and Castiel make it back to the field before Sam needs to stop.

"How bad are you hurt?" Castiel asked, his face pinched in worry.

"I don't think anything is broken or cracked, just bruised," Sam replied. He poked his side and winced. Castiel made Sam sit down to check over his injuries. Castiel wished to have his grace again. There was little to bandage on his torso, as it was primarily bruised as Sam had said, but his face was a different story. Sam had a cut that began at his nose and stretched down the right side of his face. Castiel cleaned it the best he could, and Sam bandaged himself. Sam, in turn, helped Castiel wrap his injuries. The ex-angel had entirely forgotten he had been hurt, and he presumed it was due to adrenaline.

"I wish I could heal you," Castiel said as he gingerly brushed Sam's hair from his face. He trailed his fingers along Sam's temple to the newly bandaged cut on his face, and Sam hummed lightly, leaning into the touch. Castiel believed his heart melted into a gross goo in his chest.

"You could try to kiss it better," Sam muttered. Castiel did not need to be told twice. He peppered soft kisses onto Sam's face, eliciting breathless laughter from the other man. Maybe human emotions weren't stupid after all.

They lounge in their sleeping bags together for the rest of the day.

Sam and Castiel get an early start on their travels the next day, after eating a fine cuisine of more canned foods of course.

"How hard would it be to farm our own food?" Castiel asked.

"With the unpredictable weather, pretty hard," Sam responded.

"Not impossible."

"We'd need gardening tools and seeds and good soil."

"It will not be an immediate task, but it would be nice to have fresh food."

"I could go for anything other than canned fruits or soup."

Sam and Castiel pass by the store a couple of days ago and go to the road just past it. They once again walk until they get tired of doing it.

"Why do we walk until we cannot anymore? Is it getting us further?" Castiel asked where he lay on the ground.

Sam looked at Castiel from the bags, a reflective expression on his face, "It's just how I've always done it. We can take more breaks when walking if you want us to." Castiel sat up, and he considered what was said to him.

Sam set up the tent, and Castiel cooked some canned vegetables before adding soup. They eat and lie down in the tent together. Castiel ran his fingers through Sam's hair, occasionally pressing a feather-light kiss to the other man's head. The ex-angel wonders if he 'jumped the gun' on his relationship with Sam, but the other man has yet to tell Castiel off, so he ignores those thoughts.

Sam tilted his head up from where it lay near Castiel's chest and kissed him. It was a much better kiss than their first one. One kiss turns into two, and two lead to many, many more. How Castiel survived before he could kiss Sam was beyond him, and he said as much to the other man. Sam's face lit up with a brilliant smile, and Castiel felt complete for the first time in a very long time.