I Knew I Loved You

Chapter 3

One week later

He probably shouldn't have been observing her - but for the past few days, that's all he seems to be doing. Kemal is singularly unable to tear his focus away from Burcu, and he hates it with a vengeance. If she walks into a room, he'll know it before he sees or hears her. And everything and everyone else in that room will cease to exist for him. If he spots her from a window or across the hall or courtyard, he'll try his damnedest to concentrate on whatever he's doing, but he'll mostly fail.

He tells himself it's just physical attraction (again). Burcu has grown from a beautiful young woman barely out of girlhood into a gorgeous woman who turns heads without even trying. Her curves are a little more pronounced, her face is more defined, and those mesmerizing cat eyes of hers are driving him crazy. Even her conservative clothes and her closed-off attitude can't hide the sensuality of this woman, and he wants to go all caveman on her, haul her over his shoulder and carry her off to a secluded spot to ravish her.

Kemal shakes himself all over like a wet dog, dislodging the fantasy before it can take hold. Dammit, he isn't some hormonal teenager, he should NOT be feeling this constant pull inside his very being.

Maybe it isn't just physical. Maybe it's the power of their shared life. Memories that he's unable (and unwilling) to shake off. Yeah, it's gotta be that. The problem is that he can't reconcile the Burcu of the past with the Burcu of the present, nor the Kemal of the past with who he has become and who he often loathes. He'll have to get his stupid stubborn brain to make a clean cut. Just because they HAD something doesn't mean they WILL HAVE something, anything. But knowing that and KNOWING it are two different pairs of shoes unfortunately.

And so here he is, standing a few feet away and staring like a lovesick, abandoned dog. And his heart aches for her despair.

For the past several minutes, he's watched Burcu deal with a troublesome student. The boy called Sinan has been failing a few tests, simply sitting in the classroom and staring blankly ahead while the others are scribbling answers furiously. As far as Kemal understands it, he's been handing in blank question papers. And all that even though he used to be one of her brightest students, reluctantly but undeniably so. Kemal listens as Burcu tries to get through to the boy with his ruffled hair and his askew tie. It appears she's been attempting to talk to him and make him see reason repeatedly, with no result. His heart aches some more at her pleading tone, at the many ways in which she tries to reach out.

"Just drop it already, okay?" the boy suddenly half-shouts. "It's not like I'm your own kid or something. Why would you even care?"

The student marches off in an insolent huff, and Kemal grinds his teeth at the expression of devastation on Burcu's face. She scrubs her hands over it, regulating her breathing and murmuring to herself. Shoulders hunched, head hung, she looks defeated. He hates it and surprises the hell out of himself by walking over to her.

"Tough day?"

She jerks and stares at him as if he's grown a second head. After a moment, she nods.

"I just want to help, is that so hard to understand?"

Kemal grimaces. "Some people don't want to be helped, Burcu."

She crosses her arms, holding his gaze. "That's a cheap cop-out. He's still a child, he needs help, whether he wants it or not, whether he understands it or not."

Instead of arguing, he simply stands there and lets her vent some more. She throws up her hands after explaining the issue. "I don't want to give up on him. I can't. It's not in my nature to give up on things, on people."

That hurts like hell because dammit she did give up on him - them - rather easily. Then again, he's the one who started the whole giving up thing so this is probably one of those 'glass house and stone throwing' issues.