I Knew I Loved You

Chapter 12

When Burcu opens the door for Kemal the next day in the afternoon, the first thing he does is suck in a breath and stare - and then stare some more until the intensity and appreciation of his gaze feels like a caress all over her body. And Burcu is mighty glad that she listened to her instinct and went with this dress.

She bought this red summer dress with spaghetti straps and its short hem falling to mid-thigh last summer when it was on sale and she immediately fell in love with it. She hasn't worn it even once though because she chickened out and thought it would be too sexy or too not her. Yet when she went through her dress choices last night, giddy and anxious at the same time, she took one look at this dress with its buttery soft fabric and the fluttery flared skirt and knew it would be the right choice.

Kemal's reaction to it is proof enough that this was worth the leap of faith. Everything was worth it, she realizes and feels her blushing cheeks stretch in a smile. He opens his mouth after a while but he's barely gotten out a rough "you..." before she interrupts him, because she's going to burst if she doesn't do this now.

"I love you too," she blurts out. For the second time, he sucks in a breath. She forges on before he has the chance to interrupt her. "I think I always have and I always will," she admits in a low but not hesitant voice. "I knew I loved you even the moment you stepped back in my life, but I wasn't able to admit it to myself, much less to you. I was so scared, and I still am. I'm terrified, in fact, and I'm unsure of every single thing about us. But I'm NOT unsure about my feelings for you. And I'm not unsure about your feelings for me either. Not anymore, maybe never."

Kemal steps in close and takes hold of both her hands, which are of course trembling.

"That love and that certainty will be enough," he says softly, his voice deep and full of emotions. "And on the days when maybe you are not so sure, I'll be twice as sure and it will be enough for both of us."

That makes her heart ache yet also spontaneously makes her giggle. The sound is smothered when Kemal leans in and kisses her.

THIS. This is what she meant by feeling alive and actually living. It's like her whole body and her soul are awakened by the touch of Kemal's lips on hers. It's a sweet and sensual kiss. He's taking his time and re-learning her mouth when it parts under the soft lick of his tongue. It's totally unlike the kiss they shared in the elevator, which was full of raw need and urgency and an emotional undercurrent that threw them off balance. Instead, this feels like finding her balance after a decade of walking a tightrope with her eyes closed and the fear of falling hovering over her.

Burcu slides her hands to his shoulders just as his hands find purchase on her waist and draw her in against his tall, lean and strong body. For a few moments, there's nothing else and no one else, only them, locked in this magical kiss that seals the fate she seems to have been destined for.

It takes all of her willpower to step back and break contact after a while because she wants that date with him even more now. In fact, she wants everything now, with him. For as long as they can make it through life together.

* * *

Burcu and Kemal wander through the aisles of the home depot and garden center, their fingers entwined like the vines of the climbing plants that line the walls. They pause to admire the lush ferns and the vibrant blooms of the geraniums, their quiet laughter when Kemal jokes and teases mingling with the soft rustling of leaves. Burcu's eyes light up at the sight of the potted jasmine, its delicate white flowers promising a sweet fragrance for her small İstanbul apartment.

Burcu soaks it all up, and more often than not, her eyes wander from the items on offer to the man by her side. Many other women also look at him, and she can't blame them one bit. Dressed in black jeans and an olive-colored Henley, his beard neatly trimmed but his hair a fluffy mess she wants to tug on, Kemal looks good enough to eat - or be eaten by, in fact. The thought makes her blush tomato red and bury her face behind a blue-and-white porcelain vase so she can think of hated algebra and cool down.