Task Force Trilogy #1: Bullet

Chapter 30

ANNIE

MY head tilted upon seeing my brother in his office. Ngayon na lang ulit ito nandito sa opisina niya at tambak ng mga papel ang lamesa niya. The papers are everywhere in his wooden table, and he's so busy studying them. Bahagyang magulo ang buhok na lagi niyang inaayos, at ubos na rin ang kape na itinimpla ni Nadia para sa kaniya kanina.

"Magpahinga ka muna kaya, Apollo?" I said to him.

"I can't." Maiksing sagot nito nang hindi tumitingin sa akin.

"You're here. It means Nadia is with Justine and Sergeant de Luna, right? Or maybe she's resting." Sabi ko. Sa mga nagdaan kasing araw ay hindi niya talaga iniiwan ang kasintahan. Nasa tabi niya lang si Nadia habang nagtatrabaho siya. "Rest first, lil brother."

"I have to finish this. I have to find the main camp of that fucking Guerilla so we can finish this." He is obviously stress and agitated.

"Kung ganiyan ka nang ganiyan, at hindi nagpapahinga, hindi ka makakapag-isip nang maayos. Hindi ka makakaisip ng paraan kung paano makukuha at matatalo ang Guerilla. So sleep first." Pangungumbinsi ko sa kaniya.

That's when he stopped and looked at me. Seryoso ang mukha ni Apollo. "You know why I can't stop, Annie. You know that I badly want to finish this as soon as I can, before Nadia give birth to our baby. You know why I want to do this. Alam mo kung bakit ako nagmamadali."

Napabuntong-hininga ako at umupo sa upuang nasa harapan ng lamesa niya. Tinitigan ko ang kapatid ko. Ni hindi niya ako tinatawag na ate kahit apat na taon ang tanda ko sa kaniya. Why would he? He raised himself, he grew up by himself, while I was just there, visiting him when I can. Abala ako sa sarili kong buhay.

Uncle isn't aware of this but Apollo cried to me before. Nagalit siya sa akin. He told me all his grudges towards us. He told me that he was just a kid, why can't we be there for him? Nawalan kami ng mga magulang, ako ang panganay, bakit hindi ko siya inaalagaan?

When I tried to make it up to him, nothing changed. Wala nang mababago dahil kaya niya na ang sarili niya. He was independent from the start, he doesn't need anyone now. Kaya nang isali siya ni uncle sa Task Force, agad siyang pumayag.

When he had to leave, it wasn't a problem to him. He was used to living alone. He was used to taking care of himself. Sanay siyang sarili lang ang iniisip at iisipin. Kaya malayo ang loob niya sa iba. Kahit sa akin. Kahit pa sa tiyuhin namin.

I regret that I wasn't able to be there for him when he was asking for me. All our uncle did was provide a warm home, clothes, and food for us. A family. He raised me, but he didn't raise Apollo. He only watched Apollo grew up.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Ako ang panganay, ako dapat ang nakaranas ng mga naranasan ni Apollo. But he was out there, in the real world, in a young age. While I was here, studying to be a doctor. Living a normal life.

That's why when Nadia came, I was confuse. I kept thinking to myself that day. Hindi pa tumama sa isipan ko na maliban sa sarili niya, ay may aalagaan si Apollo na iba. That he'll fall in love someday, love her more than himself, that he'll have someone to take care of---other than himself.

But when I saw everything, how he sacrificed years to keep her safe---I know I'll want him to have someone other than himself. Alam kong gagawin niya ang lahat para protektahan at alagaan si Nadia. Lalo na't magkakaroon na sila ng sarili nilang pamilya.

The only thing I know is he will never need to be alone again. If he feels he's alone even if we're here, he will never now. Dahil nandito na si Nadia. At alam kong kapag kasama niya ang kasintahan, ay masaya siya.

"I don't want my child to be born when everything is still a mess. When the danger is still there. I want her or him to be born in a safe world. Even if it's not the safest, but a safe world." He mumbled. Nakatitig na lamang ito sa mga papeles.