Love's Butterfly

The worst

This has been the worst summer in my entire life.

It's already the 1. of August. My birthday is in nine days. 19 years. Feels nothing without him.

Kiara's wedding is in two weeks.

I have been at the summer house with Mila, she has been by my side daily. I couldn't be more thankful, I wouldn't have survived this alone.

My family moved to Spain for the summer so no one has been at the summer house, except us. And Kiara with her baby, Sebastian.

I haven't heard from him. It has been 56 days...feels like a thousand.

I haven't been able to sleep normally since then. I always have nightmares. We have been watching a lot of Gossip Girl as a way to escape from reality. We've watched it two times already.

I feel dead. I don't feel, I don't move. I just lay in my bed and stare.

I heard Mila starting to wake up. Soon I heard her raspy morning voice ask, "Love..?". I didn't answer anything, I just stared at the ceiling. I felt like I wasn't even able to move a finger.

I let a big breath out and blinked. She petted my hair and asked, "Bad dream?". My eyes started to water as I opened my lips, trying to get my body to let something out. "I miss...Henry", I whispered as my lip started to shiver.

I suddenly got energy and sat up, wiping the tears away. Mila sat up too and hugged me. "I miss him", I whispered as I fully cried on her shoulder. "That's totally okay...kind of similar situations", she whispered and petted my hair again as I sniffed.

I gave her a firm hug and let go of her right before my phone suddenly rang. My mom's name popped up. I looked at Mila and gave her the phone. She cleared her throat and answered, "Hey!". She put it on speakerphone and laid it on the duvet.

"Hey, are you two up yet?", my mom asked excitedly which made me tired. "I am, Love is still asleep", Mila said, making me nod. "Okay, well...soon it's Love's birthday and we bought tickets for the two of you to come here!", she said in her high-pitched voice. We both raised our eyebrows as we looked at each other.

For a while, I felt excited. Spain. Summer. Sounds better than rotting in bed.

I gave her a tiny nod, making her answer, "Okay! Send me the tickets". I could see that she was excited which made a small smile form on my lips. "Okay! See you two tomorrow", my mom said excitedly and hung up.

I let a breath out as Mila turned my phone off. "Spain?", she asked and smirked at me. I let a tiny small out and nodded. Suddenly my smile dropped which made Mila look worried. "I...all my clothes are...there", I whispered as I fidgeted my fingers. Mila petted my hand and said, "No worries, Leon could get them from there". I nodded and gave her a tiny smile.

After a couple of hours, there was a knock on the back door. Mila walked to the door in her pink satin pyjama and opened it. I saw her tiny figure hug Leon excitedly before he walked in, bringing three suitcases with him. Mila sat on the edge of my bed, watching as Leon brought the suitcases in the middle of the room. He smiled at me, as I gave him one in return.

"Do you ladies need help?", he asked as he put his hands in the pockets of his jean shorts. "Yes please", Mila said and kicked her feet excitedly. As I looked at how those two looked at each other, I felt like my heart was bleeding. It made me miss him. I started to breathe heavier and scrunched my eyebrows together in pain. Mila noticed it and came to sit next to me, holding my hand.

"Would you like these suitcases?", he asked and pointed at those two. We both nodded at the same time. He emptied them on the floor and started to lift items one by one, showing them to us. I either shook my head as a no or yes and he packed it in the suitcase.

"I'm not sure if all of these fit to Spain", I said and looked at Mila worriedly. "Well, we can buy from there", she said and smiled at me comfortingly.

It took us surprisingly long, but we, well he, got my suitcase packed. "Did you bring my passport too?", I asked Leon. "Yes, it's in the suitcase as well", he said as I looked into his blue, comforting eyes. "Can I hug you?", I whispered as I felt my eyes watering again. He gave me a smile and nodded. I stood up from the bed and gave him a tight hug. "Thank you", I said quietly. He patted my back and said, "Anytime".

"I'm hungry", I noted as I sat back down on the bed. "We could order!", Mila suggested excitedly and started to look for her phone. "You should stay", I smiled at Leon. He nodded excitedly and jumped on the bed with us, making me let out a small chuckle.

"So what should we order?", Mila asked and looked at us. "Coca cola and...salad", I said. Mila raised her eyebrows and said, "Okay sounds good", as she was placing the order.

We had left outside quite a little and we had been eating a lot so I know that I had gained some weight. I always eat when I'm sad. I felt insecure about myself. I used to feel it a lot but not with Dominic. Now it was worse than ever. Anyway, being with Mila will help me.

To be honest...even if I'll just lay in bed in Spain, I will be okay with it. I can understand it and I allow it. I don't want to put on pressure to make any awesome moments and then feel bad when I won't leave the house.

One thing that I'm very concerned about is...my family doesn't know what has happened. So I need to lie to them the whole day.

But it is nice to do something on my birthday. I actually am a bit...excited.

Maybe...I'll survive from this.

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Words: 1 070