Bungou stray dogs oneshots

Drowning in a river I entered voluntarily

Ship: Atsushi & Armed detective agency (basically not a ship just the whole agency)
Genre: angst
Warnings: eating disorder/ disordered thoughts
This story isn't exactly a oneshot, it will have a part 2

——————————

Atsushi was never accustomed to eating food regularly. Ever since he can remember, he treated food as a luxury instead of a necessity for survival.

He was often starved by the workers of the orphanage. He would only be given food when his life was on the line, which wasn't quite often due to the tiger within him preventing him from dieing. Although that didn't sit very well with him. If they hated him to the point where they gagged when witnessing the his malnourished and bloody figure, then why did they keep him alive? Just to torture him? Was it some kind of punishment, keep him alive in this state where he was paler than a ghost, severely underweight and beaten immensely?

However, once he joined the agency, his life changed for the better. He suddenly had money of his own to spend however he wished. And food wasn't viewed as a luxury anymore but as a necessity. In fact, Atsushi found a strange comfort in food. At first he would eat extra food when he was feeling down and needed some cheering up but now, he was always munching on sweets.

He ate a filling breakfast with Kyouka, at the agency he would eat some candy out of boredom (the said candy barely escaped a certain sweet tooth detective since he was constantly trying to "borrow" some until he finally gave up and let Atsushi snack in peace), he would eat a big portion of lunch and as for dinner he would eat some leftover desserts.

--------------------

One day, he was working on a report while taking a bite from a really delicious cookie Naomi-san offered him earlier in the morning.

Out of the blue, Ranpo appeared behind with a smug look. "Hey hey Atsushi-kun" he exclaimed, a smug smirk plastered across his face.

Atsushi sighed in response knowing what the detective wanted. "No Ranpo-kun I'm not giving you my cookie... Naomi-san offered it to me"

The other man frowned deeply. "Aw c'mon! You eat candy all day it wouldn't hurt to share! Even I eat less sweets and you know how much I adore them! You're gonna end up fat if you keep this up." He said unconsciously.

After a few seconds realization struck him as he saw Atsushi with a terrified look, he seemed to be deep in thought. He hated how his love for candy took over him and made him hurt his friend. He felt guilty, which was quite a rare case. However he was unaware of what to say, he wasn't used to comforting people and he's sure he would only add salt to the wound. He let his feet carry him away of the scene quickly.

Huh? Fat?... Was he really getting fat? Truth is, he wasn't really concerned about his weight but now, it being pointed out by a friend made it painfully obvious he has gained weight. A lot of weight.

He tried to ignore the voices in his head telling him to throw the food away, it was an offer after all. He would seem insanely rude if he just threw it out. He munched and swallowed the remaining cookie though he felt his heart drop at the action.

He left work earlier saying he felt a bit under the weather. His co-workers all wished him a "get well" besides a certain detective who was loathed by immense guilt.

Once he reached his apartment he was tired. He didn't even bother to change his clothes, instead he went straight to bed (if the small closet in his and Kyouka's bedroom is even considered one).

'It was just a bad day. Ranpo-san didn't mean it. Or did he?' he thought and sighed heavily. 'I hope tomorrow is going to be better' he gave himself hope before drifting off to sleep.