i agree with my husband [ jake x johnnie ]

ch.11

Jake's POV

i can't hold myself back anymore. even if i could... i don't want to. the only part that bothers me is that i don't even know if i'm into men or not. maybe it's only johnnie. if i think about it... i don't even like anyone except johnnie. that's one of the reasons that me and tara broke up, i mean she doesn't know about this, but i told her that i still love her and care about her, but it's only in a friend way now. i can't imagine myself in a relationship now... not even with johnnie. he is the prettiest boy i have ever seen. and his lips are softer than anything else in the world, but i can't commit myself right now. and i think neither can johnnie. even though i think he is into me, i don't think he is ready.

i lean to kiss him after he wipes my tears of. i just want to feel him. to feel something. when i was with tara i always felt something. in the last couple of weeks only anger and sadness... but it was something at least. now everything is bland, but only until a feel johnnie's lips on mine. he kisses me back the minute my lips touches his. his thumb is rubbing my cheek while he kisses me slowly. i was the one who initiated, but now he has the dominance.

i pull away a little breaking the kiss, but johnnie immediately leans back to kiss me again. my hands are on his waist now and when i realise he is already on top of me. that is the moment i stop him.

"johnnie. too fast" that's all i say.

"i-i'm sorry" he says and gets up. his breathing is heavy and to be honest, mine too. he is standing next to my bed right now and his face is red like a tomato.

"i just... still have to think about things" i say not wanting to make the conversation awkward, but i think i'm late with that.

"i didn't know you were... you know... into this" he stutters.

"me neither" i sigh.

"i'll leave you alone, okay? if you need me i will be in my room."

Johnnie's POV

what. the. fuck. what the fuck did just happen? jake is gay? or bisexual? or whatever color from the pride flag?? does he know that i am bi? well after this he probably does. my cheeks are warm from the embarrassment and excitement. i don't know how to calm myself down... i feel so happy and sad at the same time... and a bit horny.

i feel wrong because jake feels confused about this whole thing but the only thing i can think about is that it might happen again because he is definietly into me. i think. is he?

maybe he isn't. he is just sad because he misses tara. maybe he imagined tara when we kissed. i feel sick to my stomach. now the happiness and horniness is gone and i only feel sad. my mind is playing tricks on me and i can only think about the worst scenarios.

if i try to think logically i feel like it's definietly something between us. tara wanted to get back in a relationship with him and he said no. if he still felt the same about tara he would've said yes. right?

i don't want to think anymore. i open all of my drawers looking for some weed or alcohol, but instead i find my blades... here we go again.

i feel sick and ashamed as i lock the door and take my pants down. i sit on the floor and start cutting. but this time i carve a "J" in my thigh.

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should i write more of jake's pov?????
idk do you guys like it?

12/2/2024