If you're searching for optimism, you won't find it here.

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Lately, I've been contemplating it, but as I put my thoughts into words, I find myself at a loss. It's as if my mind is now a blank slate, unsure of how to start or even articulate the expression. It's always been like this. Finding the right words is consistently challenging. It's always hard to find a word and the next. It's hard to convey that feeling. How ironic that again, I'm at the beginning trying, but eventually I just gave up after a few meaningless sentences that lacked truth. The flow of words just stops. I keep searching that maybe I will find that right word in my head, but it never emerges.

Perhaps leaving words unspoken is a better choice?