Stop Pretending | Saltburn

Chapter 5

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Another few days went by, and the group sat at another party, a house party. Felix and Oliver were laughing about something, and Farleigh glanced over, half watching and half texting Ronan to bring his ass there, but he knew the rebel was elsewhere doing god knows what.

Farleigh couldn't care what Oliver and Felix were on about; he was over it, annoyed at it all. So he ditched the bleak party and headed to Ronan's room; he knew the male had not attended classes at the nightclub since night. He assumed it was because of the major hangover finally overcoming him, but he worried about what almost happened between them.

Farleigh fiddled with the bracelet when he missed seeing Ronan around; even his cousin noticed and asked about it, but Farleigh played dumb. He didn't want to give anyone an answer regarding Ronan Abbott. He knew now he might be falling in love with him. The thought scared him because he didn't want to ruin their friendship, but that night in the club, he knew he wasn't delusional. They nearly kissed, and he wanted to kiss him.

He sighed as he knocked on Ronan's door, "Ronan! Open the damn door. You can't avoid the world forever!" He heard something but mostly a whole lot of nothing. "Look, I've been giving you space, but seriously, if you think you can disappear on me again, you have another thing coming... Now open the fucking door already," it was utter silence. He could leave him be, but he couldn't, not this time. He didn't wait for an answer. He walked into the room and found who he was looking for. "Ronan, baby. Are you okay?"

It was too dark in the room to see anything. Even after closing the door behind him, Farleigh turned on the lamp to find Ronan curled up. His knees were stuck into his chest, his eyes were puffy, and his face was stained from tears. "Farleigh, go away... you don't need to see me like this." His voice was raspy, not in the sense that he had just woken up but in the sense that he had probably been screaming and crying, breaking Farleigh's heart.

"What's happening?" Farleigh touched his arm gently. The other male flinched. He nearly pulled back, but Ronan touched his hand only to break down crying.

"You shouldn't be here, go party or something. i'm a horrible mess. You don't need to see me so fucking weak and damaged. i'm disgusting. flithy. i'm garbage!" Farleigh had never seen him but didn't want to leave him like this. He sat Ronan up and held his hands.

"I'm not leaving you until I know you're okay. I don't know what happened, but you're not a mess. You're perfect." He sat beside him, wiping his tears away, but Ronan shook his head.

"Perfect? That's bullshit, and you know it... i'm broke in every which way. I'm disgusting for letting that shit fuck touch me when I was ten! fuck i'm pathetic enough to let my father beat me because the asshole never hugged me! I'm horrible. I never protected my mom after him. I watched him beat her until she couldn't see once; i'm a pathetic rich bastard like the rest of these pricks!" Farleigh only knew some things about Ronan but never about him getting touched as a kid. It broke his heart, but he didn't know what he could do to help him.

"I'm sorry you went through that, but you are back there anymore... You're here with me. You are safe," Farleigh hugged him tightly. "You aren't at fault for anything. You were a kid whose parents didn't love each other, so they inflicted that on you... but I love you, and I'll never let anyone hurt you... I won't hurt you."

The silence filled the room for a moment. Farleigh was still worried about everything and everyone all at once, but his concern was only on him and only him. Ronan cleared his throat, broke away from Farleigh's embrace, looked at him weakly, and smiled as best he could.

"I'm sorry you have to see me like this..." He was ashamed of himself. He never wanted Farleigh to see him like this, but it was clear now that he didn't care.