I Still Got Love For You

III.

*Taylor Swift 4x AOTY Winner!, I know I said 1 chapter a week... but I am so excited after last night's win and announcement!. And the next chapters occur at the Grammys so, here it goes!*

February 2023 - LA

"And the winner of the Grammy for Album of the Year is...?"

She sees him walking up to the stage. Mixed reactions in the audience.

She has been discretely keeping an eye on him tonight, until this moment. Him being in the spotlight means at least she can unsuspiciously stare at him now.

He looks tired, she thinks. But maybe she is wrong, it has been a long time since they have seen or spoken to each other: five, six years?. That is if she does not count polite greetings at events they inevitably cross paths on, after which they quickly proceed to keep a wide distance from each other.

It was not always like this. There was a time when they had tried being friends, but it could not stay platonic, that was the truth. So when she had started dating Joe, it felt like the most natural thing to do was to remove themselves from each other's lives.

She can hear voices around her commenting on how handsome he is, or how kind and wonderful he was when they met him here or there.

Everyone has something nice to say about Harry. He is magnetic like that.

All those years of media training and networking have truly worked for him. The goal: to please and befriend everyone because you never know when the connection may come in handy. She knows this. But not many know how exhausting it is for him at times, to not be able to say what he really thinks or feels, how debilitating it can be to your soul, how overtime it forces you into losing sense of who you are.

She is now thinking of that stupid host making jokes about his sex-symbol status earlier on. Disgusting. Anyone could see he did not find it funny. She drinks from her glass of wine, hiding her frown.

She looks at him again, and all she can think of is that something is off with him tonight.

Some idiots on the press section have started heckling him to get out of the stage, right as she was about to take a seat. She automatically springs back up, hoping her tall presence can offer him some sort of comfort.

She has experienced this sort of ill treatment before.

As someone who once lived solely for the critic's approval, she knows how unsettled and utterly insecure this can make someone feel. She knows Harry; knows what he is made of, and how this is going to mess up with him.

She turns her head to face the idiot currently shouting, and sends daggers in his direction, adding him to her non-grata list, making a mental note that if they ever cross paths, he will pay for this.

He is walking off the stage with his team, on his way to take official pictures.

She sits back and chats briefly with Jack, but she can't shake the feeling of uneasiness. She looks back in the direction of his table. They are not back yet. She wants to take the opportunity to congratulate him and see for herself that everything is ok.

She sips on her wine. Why does she care so much? Does this have to do with all those stupid recurring dreams of him she has been having lately??

They have been avoiding each other for years now, for many reasons.

Tabloids had cruelly reported on every piece of sham and distasteful gossip about their relationship, and breakup, for months even after they were done.

They have worked hard to untangle their names in the public eye ever since. But still every time they are spotted in the proximity of each other, the press and the fans have a meltdown.

On her side also because even though she tries to be the mature one, and have the upper hand, she still feels like a teenager under some sort of spell every time he is nearby.

She is also aware some of what went on between them still burns. It even hurts.

There was a time she had been in love with him, so much he was the thread all her thoughts were sewed together with. Ed joked back then, diagnosing her with "Harry on the brain". It made her laugh, but she would have died denying it.

Tonight, though, she is unexpectedly worried about him, and it must be something in the air, or in his energy, which has activated it, because tonight she is definitely suffering from some form of Harry on the brain. It is what keeps her looking back at his table. But why? She frowns thinking of this.

She knows that of all the boys and men that she has ever dated, he is the one that stands alone.

The only one she senses around her when they accidentally find themselves in the same room. The one she allows herself to dwell upon every so often, and still write songs about. The only one that hunts her what if's.

So after all these years, tonight, out of all nights, she is finally ready to admit that Harry is her biggest regret, and her only weakness.

The one she would ruin herself for, a million little times.