Taekook oneshots

bittersweet

in which taehyung is just a bittersweet thought to jungkook.

songs i listened to while writing this:
→the truth untold- bts
→the night we met- lord huron
→jiyein kyun- papon
→blue & grey- bts

(also lmao the way i annually update this)
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Awful.

That's how Jungkook felt the first time he came across a picture of Taehyung fresh out of their breakup.

It had been barely a month since they had broken up, the cause being they just didn't love each other anymore (Taehyung had assumed it was two sided because he didn't feel the same anymore).

It was untrue in case Jungkook though, totally false.

As false as when they'd lied about not having feelings for each other to save their friendship.

He would never forget when Taehyung just decided one day that he didn't "love" him anymore. He didn't bother explaining anymore. After all, what more could he say?

That Jungkook was insufficient? That Jungkook's smiles didn't trigger his own anymore? That his small cheek scar didn't make him want to kiss it?

And even though Taehyung said none of it, Jungkook assumed he implied it.

And yet, he couldn't fall out of love woth the boy he had adored for years, the boy he let consume his thoughts to the brim that he just couldn't think anymore.

How could he?

Taehyung had held him in his arms all the nights he had cried feeling all sorts of ugly things, he had kissed his little mole to make him smile, he had bought Jungkook all the books he had mindlessly slipped into their random conversations. He wouldn't forget the late night calls before they started living together, the light touches in public, the stolen kisses, hugs that shielded him from the world.

Why did Taehyung have to leave? Would he ever regret it? Would he want to come back? Would he be able to do the things he did with Jungkook with someone else? Eat dishes they used to make together the same way? Cuddle someone else the way he did Jungkook in the dead of the night after he had hogged his blanket?
Would Jungkook himself ever be able to give himself to someone that way?

It was a never ending stream of questions. Love was fucked up like that.

One moment you want to give someone the whole world, write stars in their name and their names in the sky and the next you simply fall out of it.

It doesn't hit the same anymore.

Taehyung ended it and left Jungkook to deal with the afterthoughts himself.

Yet, yet he couldn't hate him. Hell, he couldn't even bring himself to dislike him. He loved him so much that the thought of ever getting over him, ever falling out of love with him, all of it seemed impossible.

He always thought their relationship was a stable edifice, a forever thing, but it proved itself to be a house of cards which collapsed with the invisible wind of emotional detachment.

Jungkook thought he those miserable nights of crying himself to sleep would never end, the contemplations of where he went wrong, how he slowly had nothing left of Taehyung from having his everything, what he could've done differently to make it right. So many 'could haves' and not one single answer to a single one of them.

But there was an end to everything.

One day, months later, he slept without a single thought of the man he had called the love of his life and he woke up to not feeling empty.

He realised his day didn't end with Taehyung on his mind neither did began like that.

Things fell back to how they were. Casual, not feeling all that hollow anymore as if someone had scooped a piece of his heart out.

And now, after more than a year, Taehyung crossed Jungkook's mind for the first time. He had been scrolling his phone, accidentally going too far back in his gallery that he found that one photo of him with Taehyung he couldn't bring himself to delete.

It was a simple picture. Taehyung's hands squishing Jungkook's cheeks into a pout as he kissed him sloppily with a big boxy smile on his face while Jungkook held onto his dripping vanilla ice cream cone in one hand, eyes squinted and a smile of his curving up his lips.

And strangely, Jungkook did not feel the urge to throw his phone across the room and cry until all his tears had dried up.

Instead he allowed the memories to flow freely through his mind, letting himself think unrestrictedly to the story behind that picture.

The way the sun shone in the clear skies as they strolled past the streets of Thailand. The silly unplanned vacation where they did whatever they wanted to, no fear, no upsetting thoughts. Just them and their endless conversations, minutes before Taehyung randomly asked a stranger to click their picture.

A small smile coated his lips. Sweet memories.

Yes, it was saddening that he didn't have Taehyung anymore or maybe what was truly upsetting was he didn't have someone to share that emotional connection with someone. He wasn't sure. But he was sure that things take time but eventually, it gets better.

Surprisingly, it doesn't hurt as much, almost a sort of indifference.

He acknowledged it was okay. Okay to miss him, okay to be bitter about the past in whatever way felt appropriate, okay that Taehyung found someone else. He realised he was okay, because he was content.

Move on? He wasn't sure about that. Being the same person you were before everything? Not possible. Cherishing whatever bittersweet memories were left? There was no harm in doing that.

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practically a word vomit because i was feeling good. i hope it makes the slightest bit of sense though.
[not proofread]