THE MAN BEHIND MY MIND

CHAPTER 4

As I started to wake up, everything felt heavy and weird. It was like being stuck in a dark, foggy place with no way out. I could hear people talking, but it all sounded far away and muffled. I tried to open my eyes, but it felt like they were glued shut. I couldn't figure out where I was or what was going on. It was like being lost in a strange dream that I couldn't escape from.

After what seemed like forever, my eyes started to flicker to life and I could slowly control them, I don't know if I was under the influence of some heavy drugs or what but as I could slowly get to feel the rest of my body I could tell my right hand was resting at a weird uncomfortable position. The voices I had been hearing started to sound louder and clearer now but there was something on my right hand, it felt cold like some small metal and it felt like it was holding my hand still, my left arm was hard to move but I could tell it's in a better position, unlike my right one.

I looked around the room to see where I was, the room was white and small it was almost empty only thing I could make up was the little beeping sound near me, I couldn't move my head to see if it was a heart monitor or what but it sounded like one. I know I was in a hospital but I didn't know which one and where cause I don't think our little hospital in the town was advanced enough to have a heart monitor.

My head still felt too heavy to move and also hard to control, I don't know what kind of drugs they gave me cause I couldn't even remember how I got here, The voices I had been hearing when I was waking up were gone now, the building was so quiet the only thing I keep hearing is the little beeping sound. I tried to remember what I was dreaming about but it was all empty, I needed to know what had happened to me and where the hell I was but there was little I could do since my head seemed to be stuck, something was holding it in place, the hospital didn't make sense to me, it seems like it's more than what am seeing even what am seeing was limited but the fact that it's too white and there is little around worries me a little, something was not right even in a state like this I could still feel it.

"HELLO ?" I screamed as loud as I could but my voice sounded like a cry,

" CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?"

"PLEASE HELP MY HEAD IS STUCK "

I waited for a response and still couldn't hear anything, I tried to use my left hand but to my surprise, it was also stuck,

" HEY PLEASE I NEED TO PEE"

I realized I was crying and screaming at the same time, and my heart started to beat faster, I was so scared, I felt like I was caught by something or someone, and my scream was answered by the sound of something hitting the wall at a heavy and fast pace, I couldn't tell what it is but I could only hear that it's coming from a room behind me.

" IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Still, I got no answer and the little sound of something hitting the wall was getting aggressive, I listened closely but I still couldn't tell what was causing the sound. I wanted to know what was going on and what was happening around here and mostly I wanted to know how and when I got here. The noise of people I heard talking earlier was confusing me, I didn't know if it was real or what, but I couldn't have imagined it, I know I am not like that, they must have left when they noticed I was waking up. I can't fall asleep now since someone is aggressively hitting the wall and the fact that it's been going on for this long is starting to drive me crazy.

After what had seemed like an hour of staring into nothing and listening to someone hitting the wall, my memory started to come back. The first thing that comes to my mind is the hard drive and somehow Mia. I don't know what I was going to do about the hard drive but I remember I was supposed to find out if Mia's father was the one who placed it on my kitchen table, but what still doesn't make sense is the fact that I can't remember how I got here and how long I have been here. I don't think am just in a normal hospital, this place seems empty and the way it's white is just unexplainable I don't remember being in a hospital that looks like this before.

I need to know where the hell I am so there is nowhere am closing my eyes, I don't want to miss whoever might come to check up on me. There is this feeling I can't seem to shake, it's like something huge is coming for me, for my head. The thought was stupid but the fact that I can remember Mia and the hard drive and still can't remember how I got here makes me question my sanity.

I don't know what my life is turning into, I don't know where I am going, I have always been alone but I just needed an explanation of why I am trapped in this bed. I remember when my mom used to read me her poems, she used to tell me whenever I felt like my loneliness was taking a turn for the worst I should think about her it's crazy how am starting to recall that now, I have been lonely for almost my whole life and never remembers that, why now?. It's clear whatever reason that brought me.

It sure is something that might haunt me better than my past ever did, it's not every day I think of Mom, I know I spend most of my time in my head, but I never think about Mom like I do now. I need to see her if I make it out of here. I miss her silence; I miss the way she just sits and looks out the window like she isn't around. I never knew what was going on in her head. I hated the fact that she was obsessed with me, but I never hated her.

The fact that I didn't go and check up on her after Frank told me about what had happened to her and I didn't go and check up on her or dad shows that am a horrible human being, they are the only family I have and my dad would have seen I cared if I called to check how she is doing. I can never understand why I had to be like this why I didn't grow up to be like any other normal child, all the hate and bullying I experienced shows that people hate me for some reason if only I could turn back time to correct all my wrongs but here I am trapped in a bed in a place that I can't seem to know, I wish there were a pill I could take that can fix all my mistakes that could clean all the mess I have made and give me some sleep for goodness sake, I know there is good inside me or at least I hope to god that there might be.