Deanna and her husband, Reg, are throwing a welcome party this evening for us all. I spend my morning trying not to sit on any floors, which is something several people have commented I do a lot already. I'm already struggling when Glenn strolls into the dining room and I'm sitting under the table, reading. I get up and go to the couch, where Carl is sitting like a regular person. Glenn and Maggie say goodbye to us and then they head out for a meeting with Rick and Michonne and Deanna, leaving just Carl and I in the house to babysit Judith.
We watch her play with some toys on the rug.
"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable yesterday," Carl tells me.
"When?" I ask.
"When you asked about my birthday."
"You didn't even answer me," I say, trying to play it off.
"I know but... I know you knew what I wanted to ask you."
I move towards the floor to play with his sister, aiming to slide off the couch like a pathetic, awkward slug, but he takes my arm to stop me.
"I think we gotta talk about it," he says.
"About what, man?"
"Is it me?"
"Is what you?"
"Is it something I've done or do that makes you not want me to touch you?"
"No," I say.
Carl sits with this information for a moment. He lets go of me. I slump on the floor, pulling my fingers through my hair. It's too short. It's too short!
Carl sighs. "I just want to make you feel the same way you make me—"
"I can't anymore, okay?!"
He blinks at me. "What?"
"I can't," I repeat. "I can't... you know?"
Tears well in my eyes.
"It's not you," I say, breath catching. "It's me, okay? I don't work anymore. I want to but I just don't."
Carl watches me, then looks down at his hands.
"I just wanted to say I was sorry," he says, "I just wanted you to know that I didn't mean to put any pressure on you. I'm not expecting anything from you, okay? I just love you."
"I love you, too, man," I say, barely not sobbing now.
He leans forward and puts his arms around my shoulders and I sulk into his shoulder, forcing myself not to cry.
"I don't know how to leave that room," I whisper, desperately. "Even though they're dead. Even though... we're hundreds of miles away. I'm so scared... I'm always so scared."
"I know," Carl says. "I can't forget it either."
"You can't?"
Carl shakes his head. "I have nightmares all the time. I think about the things he said to me, and the things he did, and tried to do, and my heart starts pounding. It can happen anytime, too. Being patted on the back, when I hold my sister, when I look out a car window, when I look at the scars on my hands, even when I smell the food we were eating right before they found us."
I had no idea.
"You never said."
"Of course not," Carl said. "You'd been through so much worse. Those guys ruined a lot of things for me but they didn't ruin you, no matter how hard they tried to. You're still here. And when I look at you, I feel safe. I can forget everything I'm scared of even if it's only for a moment, you know?"
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Sweet Tooth (Twd x Male Oc)
Fanfiction(NOT COMPLETE IDK WHY IT SAYS THAT!) After travelling during the first several months of the outbreak, Jasper de Luca is violently separated from his brother Patrick and found alone by a group of strangers. Unexpectedly, they are kind, and decide t...
