Escape || Cole Walter

Thirty Five

Everything goes smoothly so far. I am in a couple small group parts here and there, but those are easy. They are small little dances Ive done over and over again. Of course my nerves scare me a little bit, but I manage to ignore them. This isnt the part I need to sell, this is the downtime of any show.

The house is packed with almost everyone in Silver Falls, because everyone seems to be family here. It is weird to see people from school I would never expect, sitting high up in the stands, pretending they dont know anyone around them.

My first time on the stage, Benny and Parker held up a handmade sign, which technically isnt the most proper thing for a ballet, but I know they dont care at all. It made the rest of my short periods on stage much more bareable knowing that I even have people as loving as them.

Even Marie did amazing on the dance with JJ. He knew exactly what he was doing, which meant he was practicing at home. Their duet was almost completely flawless. It was emotional, and seemed like they connected well. Every touch was like a feather, it was light, thoughtful, and brief. Of course, they missed landing at the same time on one of the jumps, but no one would notice except for the trained eye. It is bound to happen when not practicing together.

Watching one of the older groups finish up their dance, the last one before mine, my heart begins to sink more and more. My breathing gets heavier, and all of the makeup, the hair product, the dance outfit seems weigh me down. It is like a weight was suddenly placed on my shoulders and I am struggling to breath.
I take a deep breath, and turn to look away from the stage that is calling me with a scary voice.

Turning around, my eyes meet Abbi's, who stares at me from one of the back stage control panels. She wears her usual, knowing smile. Her dark brown hair is flowing down in beautiful waves. This is one of the only times Ive seen it down. The crinkles beside her eyes arent concealed with makeup, she is completely natural tonight. This is how I prefer it, she looks beautiful. "Elle," She smiles, bowing her head at me. I walk over, nervously. My heart is pounding, and it only registers when I move.

"Abbi, I think Im going to throw up." She nods, confidently as ever. This is a normal thing in the dance world. "When I auditioned on Monday, you didnt detect it, but I wasnt at full capacity. Im sorry. I dont know if I can do this. I know so many other girls who know the part though, please have them do it." I beg.

Abbi shakes her head, standing up straight and setting a hand on my shoulder. I am sweating profusely. "You think I didnt know that?" She asks me with a chuckle. My face becomes dumbfounded. Why in the world would she give me the part if she knew I was struggling with accessing the vulnerable side of me? "I could see your nerve from a mile away. You were trying, but never got there."

"So why am I doing this?" I whisper yell, scarring myself. We are running out of time.

"I believe you can do it. You have to do it." The woman demands. "The only thing holding yourself back is you. Ive seen you do it a million times. You have the capability. The only bad thing you could do, is not go at one hundred percent. If you do, you will make people feel things. And thats the whole point isnt it?" I nod, looking to the right of us, and seeing the other women as they all slow into their final stance. "It is a power and a privilege to have power over peoples emotions. Which you already do without even noticing."

I agree with everything she is saying. "What do you mean?" I ask as the classical music comes to a close. She nods her head forward, to the stage. Her hands land on both my shoulders now, and spins me around so I am facing the black painted space.

"Go on Elle." She instructs.

I look down at my shaky hands. My lungs take in the biggest nervous breath of the night, setting my eyes on center stage with purpose. I will complete this. I will go all out. I look back at my hands, and they have stopped shaking.

And that is when I walk out, positioning myself in center-stage. I refuse to look at anyone at this moment beause I know if I do, a single negative thought will intrude my mind. I am in the most vulnerable spot Ive been in in months, and no one even knows it but me. My eyes are focused on the center of the balcony, the light shining bright into my eyes.

The music begins. It is The Arrival of The Birds, a piece I have listened to over and over again.
It is normally danced with a group, but Abbi is having us do it in a non-traditional way, of course.
And my feet begin to move, in the exact way Ive been practicing it.

My heart is completely guiding me, because suddenly, I am allowing all of my emotions and thought to flood in. Its like I am unlocking a whole other piece of myself. My heart begins to calm, and I am finally able to glance into the audience a couple times.

Of course I notice Katherine, whos eyes are filled with tears. She is holding onto her mouth, completely breathless. Danny and Alex both have their lips slightly parted, stunned by me. And then I look down the row further, briefly seeing Cole.

His eyes are red, his eyes are tired, but his face is lit up. Coles expression is just as amazed, if not more, than the first time he saw me dance. He showed up for me. Cole actually showed up for me. But it is easy to remind myself Cole also hurt me. It hurt the worst coming from him.

This song displays the same hurt and anger I have been experiencing, but it is so hopeful at the same time.

When I am dancing, I become another person. It is like I am stepping outside of my body, and thinking, while I allow my other self to access every skill Ive been learning. I can be free of my worries, and I can also worry. There is a message to display for the audience, which only they can interpret themselves.

When one dances, it allows them to break the rules they have set up for themselves. I am growing, and accepting what has happened. It seemed I was hurt to the point of no return, but this activity that also brings pain, has brought me back almost.

When I first got here, my mind was barely there. I was a ghost. Elle was barely alive. Like I told Cole in the rain, "I dont think it wouldve bothered me if I got taken by the current." My eyes are blurry from the small amount of tears gathering, but I am about to spin. So I pick a general spot. I pick the spot around my family. The ones who have taken me in. The ones who have taught me so much in so little time. The boys who each have their own little things about them that Ive fallen in love with. I am starring at the blonde hair Ive imagined touching so many times.

And then my blurry vision lands on my sister. who I almost mistake for Lucy. Lucy wouldve loved this. She wouldve been so proud. I am spinning, and spinning, and spinning, almost done with this dance. Ive thrown myself into this without even realizing it.

And then I stop, not abruptly, but as final and light as I can, starring straight forward, making my body parallel. I breathe in and out, trying to catch my breath from practically blacking out.

The next couple seconds are completely silent. Just me and the audience face to face.

After the moment of silence, they arupt in roars and screams. Everyone stands up under peer pressure, whistling, and clapping. Ive never heard anything like this at a ballet. But it is Silver Falls, and the Walters did start it.

My eyes scan the rows again as my cheeks turn rosy, and I notice Erin who can only smile from ear to ear. Jackie is sobbing, and Grace is pretending not to cry. Skylar is absolutely stunned, jokingly hanging his mouth open, Issac and Lee are jumping up and down, yelling their hearts out trying to start a chant.
Cole is smiling. Its the first time Ive seen him genuinely smile in forever. He is proud, I can tell.

And then my eyes meet Katherines, whos are also filled with tears. I laugh at her, blowing a kiss before I turn to leave the stage.

Abbi stares with the largest grin Ive ever seen. I have no idea what I just did, but she is proud.