so this is growing up | hwang hyunjin

part one: the invincible blanket

Storms always scared you. You hated how the rumble reverberated through your body, rattling your bones and making your heart shake. The whirring winds sounded like whispering ghosts—ones that wanted to slip through the cracks of your window to spook you. The crashing rain was so loud that you feared your ceiling would cave in from all the bullets hitting your roof. Storms were the worst.

On stormy nights, you and Hyunjin would take cover underneath a shared blanket, hiding from the flashing lights and booming thunder. It wasn't just any blanket though, only your grandmother's hand-sewn quilt was capable of shielding you from the dangers outside. The baby blue squares were stitched with some sort of impenetrable thread, the soft cloth was impervious to all forces. Nothing could hurt you when you were wrapped in your blanket, with Hyunjin huddled close to your side. It was your invincible blanket.

It was nothing more than a flimsy layer of fabric, powerless against a simple pair of scissors, yet it made you feel untouchable. You'd wear it as a cape, dashing across the room during a game of tag, confident that Hyunjin had no chance of catching you when you had it on. Whenever you crossed paths with a grisly spider in your home, you'd duck under the blanket and the pest magically disappeared.

Sometimes, Hyunjin would help you drape the blanket across the chairs in your kitchen. You'd bring a flashlight and he'd bring his sketchbook and you'd spend all night doodling inside of your fortress. You'd share secrets underneath the blanket, ones that you were too afraid to say out loud anywhere else. But under the comfort of your quilt and with Hyunjin's warm smile putting you at ease, you were able to be brave.

Though, it wasn't the blanket that made you brave, rather, reckless ignorance. The kind of naivety that all children have before they learn the truth about the world. It was this unawareness that allowed you to face your fears without real thought or contemplation. Your ignorance protected you, but it couldn't last forever.

With every harsh truth you were taught, the blanket lost more and more of its power. Soon, it was just a blanket, a mere piece of cloth no longer big enough to wrap around your body. Your invincible blanket could not serve you any more. But Hyunjin was still there to help you be brave, to give you courage when you needed it. He was there to hold your hand when you faced challenges, he wrapped you in his arms when you feared for the future.

He was there until he wasn't. And again, you had to learn how to live without your blanket.

It was scary at first, you'd never faced life on your own before. But the years you spent exploring the world, experiencing every new adventure with Hyunjin had taught you so much. Despite your once innocent vision being clouded by bleak reality, you learned to not be afraid.

You were no longer ignorant, but you chose to remain reckless.

College was a your new playground. Sometimes you'd fall and scrape your knees, but that never stopped you from racing back to the jungle gym. It was fun, it was difficult, you got hurt and you hurt others, it was exhilarating. You tried your first shot of tequila, you suffered your first hangover, you had your first boyfriend and you experienced your second heartbreak.

You had sex for the first time with a boy you loved, only to be tossed aside the moment he laid eyes on someone prettier. Though he took your virginity, your innocence was lost long ago, so you didn't feel too bad about it. What Hyunjin took from you when he left was far more sacred.

You made new friends and a few enemies. You experienced some of your happiest moments and some of the darkest periods of your life. You loved and loved and loved, even when you received nothing in return. Some called you naive for living so recklessly, but you knew that you weren't. You were fully aware of the pleasure and pain that came from your choices, and you chose to feel it all, fully.