The Fetishist (Paraphilia Series, 3)

Kabanata 13

AS SOON AS THE DOOR CLOSED, I CRAWLED UNDER MY BED and reached out for the silky red fabric I stole from my neighbor.

I inhaled the unusual smell that made me crave for it. It's already been a days old laundry, but I'm never washing it.

I inhaled the fabric like it's my oxygen, and I won't be able to live without it—like an astronaut floating in the vast galaxy unable to land.

"You weren't as thirsty as you described you were." Siniko ako ni Sendra at saka tumawa ang bruhilda. Doon ako napakurap at saka napaikot ang tingin sa paligid.

Yes, of course. I'm at the usual hang-out place. These days, whenever I call the gang, si Sendra ang laging free to go. Si Sendra ang laging go na go sa hangout place. Kaya lately, si Sendra ang nakakausap ko sa mga bagay-bagay. Millicent has been busy with a lot of things these days, I no longer hear her voice or see her message even in our online group chat.

"What's with you? You're so out of it ever since we braved the place." Sendra was full lending-ears when she asked me. "You want another drink?" She immediately raised her hand for the waiter without waiting for my reply.

"Honestly?" I opened up. "I feel weird these days... ever since he came back."

Sendra raised an eyebrow, "That model you were talking about?" she asked for confirmation.

I nodded. Hindi na siya nagsalita at saka ay tumingin na sa entablado nang magsindi ang pulang ilaw. We are at a cabaret strip-club. Whenever the tip of the bottle points at me and it's my choice to go somewhere, this cabaret is my go-to place.

I watched as the bunch of girls danced in synchronization to the intimate and sexy music. The woman in the middle climbed on a sparkling unicorn while dancing seductively. The crowd, especially the men, mostly old, in front all roared throwing in money on the stage where the girls are performing. With the token of appreciation, the woman riding the unicorn pulled up her clothes. Walang anu-ano'y ibinalandra ang kaniyang hubad na balat sa audience. Shr was wearing a red thong so thin and small in size, it made her private part squishy. I licked my lips from thirstiness. I've watched this show a bunch of time already, yet I still wonder why it still stimulates me everytime. I still anticipate watching this strip show.

"So? Let's go down to business—how will I, the beautiful Sendra, be of any help to you, small person?"

I instantly glared at her. "I'm not small!"

"Are too, honey. That's why they love to keep you in their pockets. Easy for beck and call." she teased.

"Fuck you, I'm depressed! Show me some love here!!" I complained that made her holler, laughing. Fuck, Sendra! Forever.

"What kind of love do you want? You know I don't wear lingerie."

I glared at her some more. "I need you to be serious here, girl."

She chuckled some more before shrugging the laugh off her shoulders. "What kind of help do you need, love?"

"Emotional support, I guess? I'm rarely getting sleep nowadays. I even passed out the other day, and I'm not even that tired physically."

"What about mentally? Maybe, the Thormen issue has been torturing your mind lately?"

I shrugged, suddenly considering her opinion. Hindi rin nalalayo. Ang tagal ko ring nangarag dahil sa presensiya ni Thormen. But the thing is, we're okay now. Bakit ngayon pa ko biglang makakaramdam nito? We've already dealed with our own past. It's over and done with. But why do I seem to be this bothered and obviously still affected?

"Honey, have you fucked him already?" Sendra suddenly wondered that made my eyes widen.

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"EVERYTHING! YOU'RE DISTRACTED BECAUSE YOU WANT HIS DICK SO BAD, IT'S KILLING YOU—LIKE, YOU'RE SUCH A DICK WOMAN, GIRL."

My mouth hang open at the slap of reality she made me taste. "I'm not a dick woman. I despise dicks." I cringed at her.

"Nah-ah." iling niya naman sa akin, "You love dicks, honey. Especially, if they're inside a gorgeous fabric. Like a present. You're a slave for gifts. You love surprises. The more shocking, the better."

"No, I don't." I firmly denied her assumptions.

Her eyes turned to slits and laughed, "Honey, don't you know your own self?"

"Of course, I do! Idiot!"

"Just fuck him already. That's the answer to your problem." She concluded as if it's the only answer to my problem. She said it in a voice that urged me to believe if Mill was here she'd say the same thing.

I frowned at her. "What made you conclude that I haven't slept with him yet?"

She stared at me for a minute, her eyebrows furrowing before her lips formed an O shape. "Oh, my god!" She acted surprised. "You actually went and did it, but for some reason, you were interrupted! Bet you didn't finish! How was his dick, though?"

Honestly? I'm still in shock at how good Sendra is at figuring things out just by looking at your expression. Damn, she's so fucking good! It's one of the things I actually like about her. You don't have to waste your energy, your saliva, speaking about things, explaining about useless things—she'll figure it out for you. She understands. She knows—like she's the fucking wall. That's what Mill loves about her as well.

"Well, I only got to taste the finger..." I shrugged that made her double up with laughter. "What a fucking waste! Was his finger even big enough? He's such a gigantic man! I bet his finger is already the size of a standard Filipino titi!"

I couldn't help but laugh at her comment, but I did nod a couple, trying to respond to her. "Yea, large fingers."

"I fucking knew it!! Those fucking Americans!! But honey, you got to taste the real, raw him."

"That's not the advice that I came here for." Lumingon ako muli sa group ng strip teasers. They are already naked in front, wearing nothing but sexy, thin lingerie that doesn't really cover their private parts. "I'm bothered for real. I'm having these wild thoughts lately. I'm not even sure if it's a real fragment of my past memories or I'm the one fabricating it. You know me, I have wild imagination."

"What kind of wild thoughts?" Sendra asked as she tilted her head towards the approaching waiter. "Finally!" she snatched one cold beer, and did not hesitate to drink it straight from the bottle.

"I'm not sure. But I'm obsessing over a pair of undies." I answered that made Sendra furrow her brow. "What's new with that? It's you."

"I don't know for sure, but those kinds of thoughts—it has a concrete setting, you know. Like it's a memory or something. I'm not even sure what I'm thinking about. And it feels absolutely weird."

"Uh-huh." She wasn't convinced enough, even I am not convinced with the words coming out of my mind.

I need to figure things out first. Maybe, I really have to solve one of my 99 problems yet so I can finally move on to the next one. I know exactly which one to eliminate first.

I picked up my own bottle of beer and had a taste. I licked my lips afterwards. Bitter as it may, I know exactly what I had to do.