Death Of Me

xvi

18 MILES OUT

Venus wakes up to rustling in the tent her and her siblings shared. She glances towards Arrows sleeping bag to see her still sleeping soundly. Caspian turns to his older sister, seeing her sitting up.

"Venus." Caspian starts, staring at her with sad eyes. He was really trying to come to terms with the fact that their younger brother was no longer with them. The fact that seeing his sister the way she was yesterday and knowing that she was spiraling in front of them was something he was unsure he knew how to handle.

"I'm okay, Cas. I know it was concerning the way I was. I just needed a moment and Hershel needed one as well so I took the opportunity and I now know that it was not healthy." Venus pauses, tearing up. "I know I haven't been the best sister, but I'm going to start being the best. Y'all deserve a sister that is going to be there to support, comfort, and be there for you."

Caspian stares at his sister, tears starting to form in his eyes. "I'm so so sorry that I was being shelfish and stuck in my own way of greiving, I didn't even think to check on how y'all were doing. I am so sorry for not being there for you in the moment you both needed me the most." Venus cries quietly before pulling her brother into her arms.

"Let it out, Cas. I know you need to." Venus whispered, holding her little brother the way she used to when he would cry over missing their parents. Caspian practically melts into his sisters loving embrace. The embrace felt like home. He forgot how it felt to be truly embraced from his sister.

As Caspian got older he didn't need as much comfort from his big sister and at times would be so cruel to her, not realizing how she was just a child as well. The sobs wracked his body, but no sound came from it. He felt as though his brothers death was purely his fault. He was angry for not being able to find the two kids that had went missing. The fact that he lost them as soon as all three of them disappeared into the trees.

"I should've been there to protect him, I literally ran after them. Why couldn't I do better?!" Caspians words came out jarbled and loud. The sobs that wracked his body caused breaks in his words and he practically gasped for air. Venus' tears continue to silently fall from her eyes, holding her brother tighter.

"It's not your fault, Cas. There was absouletly no way for us to know what would have happened. You did the best you could, and that was enough. I don't think he blames us for it. It's just such a cruel, cruel world we live in now." Venus soothes him, gently caressing his hair. Caspian doesn't respond, but tries to calm his breathing as much as possible.

"I love you so much, Cas. I love all of y'all." Venus whispered, before she began to hum the lullaby that she has sung many times before. Caspian allows the tune to calm him from his sobs. Embarrasment started to creep its way up his neck. He remembered always pushing her away whenever he would come home upset in his preteen and teenage years. He thought emotions were too 'feminine'. Too old for the comfort he would receive from his sister for such small things.

Now, however, he craved his sisters loving embrace. The feeling of home was back and he never wanted it to leave him again. He silently curses his teenaged self for being so harsh towards his sister. He now knew exactly why he needed comfort from anyone, he saw with his own eyes how bad people can get when they let their emotions stay bottled up.

"It's not your fault either, Venus." Caspian whispered. Venus stiffens and stops humming. She didn't expect any talking from him soon, let alone reassurance while he was currently receiving it. "I mean it."

"You can't say that, Cas." Venus quietly hisses. "I was supposed to watch after y'all for every single second y'all were near me. That responsibility fell on me and only me." Caspian sits up, pulling away from his big sister, anger pulsing through his veins.