I see you || Loki

31. Panicked Plans

You waited at the entrance to the throne room, to the side of the closed door and the soldier that guarded it. The sun was just now making its first attempts at peeking over the horizon. All of Asgard was still and peaceful. All but you.

You paced the width of the hall — five strides to one wall, five strides back - and wrung your hands over each other. You hadn't been able to sleep, so you waited. You couldn't simply barge into the king's rooms and demand to speak with him. As urgent as your business was, that was still out of the question. Nonetheless, you held no delusions that you had time to waste. Loki wouldn't stand idle, even if he professed to let you do as you wish. He would make a move of some sort.

Your heart still burned at the knowledge of what Loki held in store. How could he do such a thing? You had so little already: only your family to recommend you, a small reputation that was in danger at every moment. And Loki had angled to take even that away from you. He would have left you with nothing to hold on to. Did he really intend for you to depend only on him and no one else? For you not to be able to stand on your own apart from him... how could he want that? He didn't want an equal. He didn't want someone who could push back. And that wasn't what you had thought that you were to him.

In the end, it wasn't about your father or Loki disregarding your feelings, but about how he tried to undermine your agency at every turn. He wouldn't let you choose to be with him; he preferred to take away all your other options. Why couldn't he just trust you when you said you wanted to be with him?

Though... you didn't want that anymore.

No.

You didn't.

Which brought you back to what exactly you would say to Odin when you saw him. You still hadn't decided. Odin was every bit as unpredictable as his son. Whether you faced disgrace or exile or any other number of things, well... at least you would control your own fate for the first time in your life. Oh, stars, this was going to be a disaster.

The sound of shouts resounded through the halls, reaching your ears in a chaotic chorus of echoes. Odin. You glanced to the guard, who looked back at you with panic.

Odin's fury was a tangible thing. You felt it like fire the moment he turned the corner and stalked down the hall toward the throne room. That was enough to make you take a step back toward the wall and out of the path of danger. But then you saw Loki at his heels.

Your heart dropped into your shoes. So, he'd done it then. Loki had told Odin and ruined your chances of heading him off.

Loki spared a glance at you. There was something in his expression that you couldn't define, something that you hadn't seen before. It was a quiet sort of resolution, almost sad, but more determined. It stood in stark contrast to Odin's rage. He held your gaze for a moment more, then turned his attention back to Odin.

Whatever Odin said was drowned into incoherency by the echoes that bounced off the walls. You could discern no more than the passing curse. As he came nearer without any acknowledgement of your presence, you realized that, if you were to have any hope, this was your only chance. While Odin was angry, his mind wasn't yet made up. Perhaps...

You stepped forward, hands clasped together to stop them from shaking. "My King—"

Odin continued past you as if you hadn't spoken, as if you were just another pillar in the hall. Your heart stammered but you clutched at your resolve. "My King!" you said again, this time almost a shout. Your voice carried in the hall, leaving a ringing silence in its wake. Odin turned to you.

"I need to speak with you," you said. Compared to the din that had filled the hall moments ago, your plea was no more than the squeak of a mouse.

Odin waved you off. "Not now."