Falling Back: Alex Rider FanFic

~Chapter 19~

Alex's (POV)

My vision shook as I lowered myself into the same brown chair I had sat in since the first time I had come here.

My hair fell in front of my eyes as I did my best to avoid Mrs. Waver's gaze.

After the events of last night Lucy had set up an emergency appointment with Mrs. Waver. I pressed my right hand against my shaking leg, not that it would change much. Mrs. Waver had most likely taken note of the way my whole body trembled the moment she set eyes on me.

"Alex." I lifted my head slightly, meeting Mrs. Waver's eyes. "I need you to talk to me."

I clenched my jaw, "You haven't even asked a question." I deadpanned, tilting my head to the side.

"Alex, I don't need your sarcasm." She held my gaze, "What I do need is for you to tell me what happened last night."

I closed my eyes, wincing at the thought of it, "It... it was just an accident. Nothing happened."

Mrs. Waver's emotionless mask cracked and for a moment, just one moment. Shs was desperate, "You nearly killed youself Alex! How was that an accident!?" Just like that the emotion was whipped away, and she took a deep breath, "You need help Alex. It's okay to not be ok, you have more right to than anyone else ive ever met. But that doesn't meen you should just accept the pain. If you will just work with me, you can get better."

Mrs. Waver's gaze drilled into me, and finally I sighed, " Fine. Fix me Mrs. Waver. I'm too tired to argue." I tried to hide the reality of my words with sarcasm but under it all, a desperate need to be normal again struck me. I wanted to get better.

I scowled.

Mrs. Waver smiled.

"Perfect."

Mrs. Waver's (POV)

I planted a firm smile on my lips, as my mind raced.

He gave in.

Alex was one of my most stubborn patients, if he was giving in it could only mean one thing.

He had just stepped onto a tightrope. At one end was the future in which he truly started to get better, but any small push would send him tumbling off the rope.

If he fell now, he would not just break, he would shatter into a thousand un-fixable pieces.

"First I need you to answer my original question. What happened last night?"

Alex huffed, he was still shaking.

I wrote a note on my clipboard.

Alex noticed and scowled.

"I had a nightmare." Alex murmured, his eyes flashing around the room.

I sighed, "You have nightmares nearly every night. Why did this one make you respond how you did? Or really, what happened that made this nightmare so much worse."

"I don't know." Alex deadpanned, he reached out with his right hand absentmindedly and scratched between two bracelets on his left arm, suddenly wincing and snapping hsis hand away. His eyes widened and his gaze shot towards his left arm and then to me.

I leaned back, bighting the inside of my cheek, as my heart deflated a little "Alex."

"Shit." He raised his legs up onto the chair and wrapped his arms around them.

"It was your first time." It wasn't a question, but Alex shot me a glare and nodded slightly anyways, obviously knowing there was no use denying it.

"Well then that would explain it." I sighed and wrote down a few more notes. "So you cut yourself? And then you had an ab-normally intense nightmare, and then what."

Alex cleared his throat, "I– I woke up, sort of, and I saw... Don, but for some reason I thought he was Razim. I thought he had come to... to take me back."

I nodded, "And in your mind anything would be better than going back? Even death."

He nodded, slowly.

I thought for a moment, "Thank you for talking to me Alex." I paused, "I do have one more question though." I glanced at Alex, waiting to see his reaction.

None came.

"Why did you hurt yourself?"

Alex shrunk into his chair as his mouth drooped open, "I'm not sure."

"Did anything happen right beforehand? That might have triggered it? Anything at school that was just really overwhelming?"

He paused for a moment, his eyes tracing an invisible timeline. "I broke a pot." I waited for him to elaborate but he just kept staring at the wall blankly.

"Would you like to tell me a bit more about this... pot?"

Alex glared at me, "I knocked it over by accident." he cleared his throat, "When I saw all the... all the pieces of glass. I tried to stop–" His sentence was cut off by his own muddled cry.

I reached, placing a hand on Alex's leg, "It's okay Alex, you can get through this." I drenched my voice in honey and kindness, after all this poor boy has been through I wish I could do more.

"It was terrifying, to feel so out of control. It felt like..." He looked up at me, forcing his voice to even out, "It felt like I was the pot. Like I was breaking into hundreds of pieces."

I joted down his answer, and looked back up at Alex who's gaze seemed to be lost in a memory.

"I just... I couldn't handle it anymore. The pressure, the fear. It was like I was drowning in it."

I leaned back in my chair, my heart overflowing with empathy "You're not alone, Alex. The Browns care about you, Mack, Polly, Me. We're going to help you navigate through this. There is still light, and I'm going to do everything in my power to help you find it"

I saw Alex visibly sagged, "I really hope that's true." His voice trembled.

"You're stronger than you think Alex, do not ever give up." 

Alex lifted his eyes to meet mine, and for the first time ever I saw a flicker of hope in his eyes.

A huge smile erupted on my face.

He had taken a step forward, however wobbly he may be. Now he had something to hold onto.

Now he had hope.

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A/N:

Let me know what you think in the comments?

Will Alex be able to get better?????

-Grace