CONFINEMENT

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

   Weeks passed without much change between them. She kept on sleeping in his bed every night but whenever they would wake up, she felt him slipping away and he had become more and more distant, and she more and more desperate. It didn't help much that she kept an eye on everything happening in the zoo, because every day, something new would happen that would convince her more and more, that the rebellion was on its way. Nothing was ever said about the shots, not by the Officials at least, but Castania had her suspicions as to what had really gone down. There was no doubt someone had escaped, why else would the Officials count them every three hours? And another thing was: they had increased the number of Officials in the tent. Before, there was almost no Officials inside, all guarding the carousel instead, except for in front of her cage, where two were to stand at all times, but now? Now there was one at every cage. They were just standing there, showing off their guns. Some of them were interacting with the Savings, laughing and provoking them with mocking tones, but Castania knew better than to get involved. They were just immature boys who felt the need to elevate themselves by talking down to other people, and fighting back would only result in another beating. She did feel bad for Matilda though, too weak to even stand up, just lying in a fetal position in her cage, while the Officials poked her with their guns. Every part of Matilda's life seemed unbearable, and Castania often wondered how she kept on going. How she hadn't ended it yet.

   What Harrison was experiencing was a different story though. He had noticed the number of Officials increasing, and yes, it did seem to be more serious than he thought but there was really no other change than that. So what if some Saving had escaped? How was that to affect him? Or even affect the rebellion? It was just one Saving? And they couldn't even figure out who it was... Or maybe they could but it was so insignificant that there was no need to discuss it. The Council hadn't warned the public, so they weren't exactly dangerous. None of his friends knew anything either, or maybe they did but didn't really care. They definitely didn't link it to anything rebellious. It was probably for the better anyway, that no one really knew anything, but he couldn't help but wonder if anyone other than him and Theodore knew what was going on. If something were to happen, who could they trust? He had been on the lookout for anything; someone showing their true colors, like Orlando or Persephone who was very open about how little they valued the life of the people in the Zones, but there was really nothing new. Either people contained their knowledge and kept their cards hidden, or they were as confused as Lysander, oblivious to whatever was going on.

   He had noticed a change in Castania's behavior though... She had become way more, what? Loving? Caring? He couldn't really put a finger on it, but she was just different, and it worried him. If she was acting like this, desperate, like they had no time left, wasn't it because she was planning to leave? In that case, he had to get less attached. It would simply kill him if she had to leave, and he wouldn't be able to focus on how to help her, how to make sure he could get her back. How to make sure she would be his equal, because truth be told, that was all he wanted her to be. His equal, hisgirl, just his forever, where no one had anything to say. Where their love wasn't forbidden. And therefore, he had to make sure he wasn't too attached to focus.

   They still slept in the same bed every night, still kissed, still hugged, but there was a certain coldness to him now, a distance she couldn't seem to break, and it killed her, made her even more desperate. Every day, she would be reminded how little time they had together, and all she wanted to do was be with him and enjoy it while it lasted, but she couldn't. Because he wasn't really there anymore... Yes, he did kiss her, but he would always be the first one to pull away. It was like he was right there but still too far for her to reach. She tried everything she could, to make him interested again, but nothing seemed to work. She tried ignoring him but that only made her feel like she was wasting their precious time. She tried being physical but that only made her feel like she was smothering him. She tried talking to him, but he always just brushed her off, telling her he was just tired and she was being paranoid, and that made her feel insipid.