No Man Is Worth Your Tears (Merthur)

Chapter 9

Merlin's POV

The soft bed, the warmth and safety that Arthur's arms give me, his breaths on my neck, the royal blankets that cover us. That's how I wake up. I stretch myself and his arms pulls me closer to him, he was already awake. "Good morning." I say facing his face. "Good morning." He says softly, then we kiss. "I have to go now, Gaius is probably worried and there's the council. I told him I'd be there with him." I sit and he complains. "And you should get ready, you should be already there when they all come." I add leaning forward and kiss him. When I enter in Gaius' chambers, he's eating. "Where were you all night?" He scolds me. "I was... I was in the tavern. Arthur joined with his knights and I had to take care of him." I lie eating an apple. "All night long?" He says raising an eyebrow. "Umm yes..." He raises his eyebrow even more and looks at me. "We should go now, the council is starting." He says and gets up. When we reach the council, Arthur looks briefly at me. Gaius sits on a seat and I stand behind him, leaning against a column. And I wait to the council to end. "My lord, Cenred's troops have attacked some villages passing the borders and moving into the Kingdom." Sir Leon says pointing on a map. "We will assail the villages near the Forest of Merendra, Ealdor and Engerd." Uther declares firmly. Ealdor. Suddenly that name hits me. They can't attack them, they have barely food for themselves and they can't defend themselves. They barely managed to win against Kanen and his brigands. "Burn the plantations, to warn them that Camelot doesn't tolerate any invasion." He adds. "You have no right to do it!" I say without thinking. Everyone looks at me. "You can't take everything they have!" I add. "Merlin, shut up." Arthur says. "How dare you to speak?" Uther says raging. I lower my gaze and feel immediately regret. "Answer me!" He yells and I start. "I'm sorry, my lord." I say. "Guards! Take him to the dungeons and punish him!" He yells. "Father! No, I'll take care the responsibilities! " Arthur says in panic. "My lord, he's just a kid. Forgive him, he didn't want to." Gaius adds. "This will give him a lesson." He states. Two guards take my arms and push me violently out of the room. When we reach the dungeons they throw me in and chain my wrist to the wall, my head facing the stones. The panic assaults me. They rip my jacket and my blue shirt. A whip hits my back painfully. I yelp of pain. Other lashes and I can feel the blood on my back, my legs cede and my knees touch the ground but the chains are there to coldly hold me. I yell wanting the pain to stop. After twenty strokes I pass out but I feel the whip continuing. I slowly open my eyes but I can't focus, the blood runs on my back, the pain prevents me to breathe. My arms are stretched, I hear someone entering. The guards, I think, they will whip me again. I feel the chain liberating me and I fall. I don't hit the ground. Why didn't I hit it? I feel arms catching me, and I yelp. "I'm sorry, Merlin." Arthur's voice echoes in my head. I focus my gaze and see his face concerned. "Arth..." I try to say but I immediately yelp of pain. "Shh don't talk." He says. "This will hurt, I'm sorry." He adds and holds me in his arms. I make a painful face. I look at him once last time before losing consciousness again.

When I wake up, I'm on a bed. My chest on the mattress. I try to get up but a pain hits my back and I feel blood flowing. I yelp. Arthur immediately reaches me. "Merlin!" His voice is very worried. "Arth... Arthur." I say softly. "I'm here." He holds my hand and I smile. Gaius arrives and for the first time I feel a cloth removing. I feel a liquid flowing on my back. It burns. I feel again the cloth but this time covering my back. "You'll be alright." Arthur says ruffling my hair. "E... Ealdor." I whisper. "I'll talk to my father." He says squeezing my hand and then leaving the room. Gaius sits on a chair near me. "Merlin... you shouldn't have." He says. "I had to... my mother..." I say softly. The pain comes again and I slip into the darkness.

When I become conscious Arthur is discussing with Gaius. "He won't just stay here." Arthur says. "I know, sire. He will leave as soon as he can." Gaius responds. "What do we do?" Arthur asks. I open my eyes, and they immediately stop talking. "Merlin." Gaius says. I look at Arthur, his face serious. He knows I'm waiting for his respond. "Merlin... my father won't change his mind. I'm sorry." I should have expected it. I need to warn them, my mother... I try to get up. "Merlin, wait. You can't get up, you're not healed yet." I stand and immediately lose all my strength. "I don't care." I say, the room is swinging or perhaps I'm swinging. I feel my legs falling and I lean my hand against the table. Arthur  sustains me placing his hands on my waist. "Merlin, stop." He says. He gently lays me down on the bed. "No, I... I can't." I say. "At least wait until the wound heals." He replies. "It will take lots of time and I don't have any." I say. "I'll delay the expedition." He responds. "Thank you." I say but I know that nothing will work. He leaves the room and when I'm sure he's gone I say. "Þurhhæle dolgbenn licsar ge staðol nu." My eyes flash gold and a soft light spreads on my back. Slowly the wound heals itching. My back still hurts but I can walk now. "Merlin! What do you think you're doing? You're still weak." He says worried. "I'm sorry Gaius, but I can't wait. Tell Arthur I'm sorry." I look at him before leaving the room.

I'm riding toward Ealdor. My back hurts and I'm tired but I can't rest. I have to arrive as soon as possible. After three days of riding I arrive at my native village. It's night and everyone is resting in their poor houses. I tie the rein near my house and knock. My mother opens the door surprised. I hug her warmly and she hugs me back. I missed her hugs. "What are you doing here?" She says while I enter. "Uther wants to send a troop to attack Ealdor and other villages. You all have to flee." I respond getting immediately to the point. "There's nothing we can do. This time is different. There won't be no one to protect you." I add. "People won't be happy to live their lives here, there must be something we can do." She asks caressing my cheek. "I could help." I say. "No, Merlin. You can't take that risk, reveling who you are." She replies. "But I would, for you." I say holding her hand on my cheek. "We will think of a solution tomorrow. You've done a tiring journey. You need to rest, now." She says. I enter in my old room. Everything is in the same position when I left. I lay down on the bed missing Arthur, hoping that he won't get angry. I close my eyes and sleep.

When I wake up I feel like I got back to the past when I was a child. I get up and enter in the main room. My mother is preparing the breakfast like she always did. I help her and then we sit to eat our little portion of food. Being here with her brings old memories, Will and I throwing the breakfast at each other and then get scolded. I need to protect this place, it's my home. "I know what you're thinking, but if you use your magic the consequences might be even more terrible. If Uther finds out a sorcerer protected our village he would kill everyone to find out who it was." She says. "But this is my home, I can't let it being destroyed." I say. "Merlin, please. Do it for me." She responds. She would always prefer another option instead of using my magic, no matter what it is. "I promise." I say. "I'll be outside." I add after finishing my breakfast. Usually Will and I would go to the woods, near the river. I walk through the village and I reach Will's house. I open the creaking door and slowly enter. The room is dusty and dirty. I wait in the main room waiting for Will to exit his bedroom, he was always late. Then I realize he won't, I feel emptiness filling me. "Béolæs." I whisper and on the table some flowers appear. I close the door headed to the woods. I'm sitting on the ground for hours staring at the ruins of the house, of our kingdom. This is the first time I come here after the collapse of the house, years have passed. The grass has grown covering some parts of the ruins. I bring my legs to my chest surrounding them with my arms. Loneliness. That's how I feel. I keep losing friends, people who I love. Freya, Will, my father and now my home. All my magic and still I can't save them. Tears start to stream down my face. I'm not going to wipe them away. I hear a rustle behind me. A rabbit, I think. "So this is the place you told me about." A voice I know speaks. I immediately dry my tears. Arthur sits beside me, looking at me. I nod. "Why are you here?" I say brokenly. "I'm here for you." He answers gently. He hugs me and I rest my head in his hug and cry. He hugs me warmly. "I'm sorry." I sob addressing to everyone I lost because of me. "I'm so, so sorry."

Arthur's POV

We get back to Hunith, she told me where I could find Merlin. She has also said to bring him back to Camelot when they will attack. Tonight my father's knights will attack them, everyone here is ready to flee. But I can see they don't want to. Their eyes are angry, sad. I told my father I was going to join the knights, but I left earlier. When it's dark everyone is leaving. We go with Hunith and the others up to the hills. When we reach them the fire swallows the fields around Ealdor. They have arrived. Everyone stops and looks. Someone starts to cry, after a while people continue to march. Merlin hugs Hunith. "I'm sorry but I can't leave and stay here watching, I love you, mother." He says and runs toward the knights. "Merlin!" I yell. He'll get killed. I reach him when we see the first house. I grab his arm and stop him from running. "Leave me!" He yells. "And what would you do?!" I yell at him. He tries to release from my grip. I hold him with my arms surrounding him from behind. He wiggles out of my grip. I push his hands to his chest and push him closer, his back hits my chest. "Leave me!!" He yells angrily and crying. "I can't!" I respond. "I'm sorry." I walk away still holding him tightly while he keeps yelling, struggling, crying.

I'm in the throne room. There are only my father and Merlin. He's accused of treason for warning the village. "Father, he only acted like that because he wanted to protect his family. He would do anything for them. You most of everyone should know, you're trying to find Morgana everywhere and nothing is stopping you because you love her, we all do." I say defending Merlin. My father sits on the throne thinking. "Considering your actions in the past you will stay in Camelot." He says and I sigh of relief. "However you're dismissed as Arthur's manservant and you're not allowed to see him anymore." I freeze and look at Merlin.