Ambivalence

S3 Chapter 22 - 'Mortal Projections'

After spending an exhausting day alongside my so-called 'best friend', according to Dustin's persistent labeling, I find myself craving a break from the chaos. The weight of the day's events seems to linger as I settle in front of my bathroom mirror, preparing myself for a much-needed girls' night out. Tonight is about me, free from the demands of boys, the complaints of pre-teens, the shadow of Robin, and the constant presence of my brothers.

Caught in the midst of my preparations, my mom pauses in the doorway, her expression a mix of curiosity and concern. "Hey, sweetie. Where are you off to?" she asks, breaking the silence.

"I'm heading to the roller rink, if that's alright," I reply, offering a nervous smile. Our conversations have been scarce lately, and I can't help but feel a pang of guilt.

She smiles somberly, "Hold on," Mom scurries off towards her room before coming back with a few crumpled pieces of change.

I push her hand away. "Mom, you don't have to do that really." I chuckle awkwardly.

"Take it. I want you to have fun," she insists, enveloping me in a warm embrace. "Is that a new top? It suits you."

"Yeah. Thanks," I respond with a grin, noting the departure from my usual style. It's undeniably more attention-grabbing, a reflection of my determination to break free from routine.

***

Entering the local rink, a mix of nerves and excitement courses through me. My skating experience is limited to leisurely rides with Will around our neighborhood, far from the lively atmosphere of this venue.

"Hi, just me," I offer to the attendant, handing over the fare with a half-hearted smile.

As I settle onto the wooden bench, I cue up my newest tape mix on my Walkman. The upbeat rhythm of Starship's 'We Built This City' fills my ears, setting the tone for the evening ahead. With practiced ease, I exchange my worn-out shoes for skates, double-checking the knots. Glancing around, I admire the vibrant patterns adorning the rink's carpet before tentatively stepping onto the glossy surface, gripping the handrail for support. I navigate the slippery floors, gradually gaining confidence with each stride.

As I gain confidence and momentum, the world around me fades into the background. Madonna's 'Into the Groove' propels me into a state of uninhibited joy as I lose myself in the rhythm, oblivious to the late-night crowd around me.

It's only when I pause to catch my breath that I notice a familiar figure seated alone on the sidelines. Maneuvering off the rink, I approach him, the carpet's texture unfamiliar beneath my skates. Removing my Walkman, I offer a playful quip, "Can't find your legs?" A playful smile tugging at my lips.

"Y/n? I thought you went home after the mall..." He looks me up and down in disbelief.

"I did," I confirm, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "But then I figured I'd have some me time tonight, ya know. Go out for a night on the town." Seating myself beside him, I nudge him gently. "What about you?"

"I had a date," Steve confesses, his voice tinged with disappointment as he gazes off into the distance. "She hasn't shown." The weight of unmet expectations hangs heavily in the air, palpable even amidst the din of the roller rink.

Rolling my eyes playfully, I shrug off the significance of his missed date. "Psh, who needs a date to have fun," I retort, springing to my feet and extending a hand towards him. "Come on, it'll be a blast."

As he hesitates, his brown eyes betraying a hint of vulnerability, I flash him an encouraging smile. Eventually, he relents, grasping my hand tentatively as I pull him back onto the rink.

"Try to keep up!" I laugh, teasingly dragging him behind me before finally releasing him.

"Wait, Y/n!" he calls out, his voice trailing behind me as I skate backward, watching him find his footing amidst the dimly lit rink.

The sudden burst of disco lights and pulsating music fills the space around us, transforming the atmosphere into a kaleidoscope of colors and rhythms, and 'You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)' by Dead or Alive emanating from the speakers.

"I love this song!" I shout over the music, my movements synchronized with the melody as I whirl around Steve. His laughter rings out in response, his eyes alight with amusement at my playful antics.

"'You look like you're lots of fun.'" I mouth the lyrics dramatically, pointing at him before opening my arms wide to dance along, a contagious grin spreading across my face."'Open up your lovin' arms, Watch out, here I come!'"

Sensing his lingering sadness, I reach out to him, intertwining our hands as we skate side by side. Come on Steve you can't mope forever. "All right, let's move it dingus you paid to skate not stand and gawk." I urge, my voice tinged with affectionate exasperation.

"Sheesh, someone's bossy tonight." He teases.

"Yeah, yeah," I chuckle. "I just can't let my 'best friend' be sad is all." I make air quotes around 'best friend' with one hand while holding his hand in the other as we move.

He stares at me puzzled. "What's with the air quotes?" As he puzzles over my air quotes around 'best friend' I pull over to the side, momentarily breaking our stride. "Dustin keeps saying it," I explain, my confusion mirrored in my expression.

His question catches me off guard, the shifting hues of the disco lights reflecting in his uncertain gaze. "Are we not best friends?" he asks, his voice tentative.

"Are we?"

The tension between us hangs in the air, briefly overshadowing the pulsating energy of the rink. "I thought so..." Steve trails off, unable to meet my gaze.

"Well, why didn't you say so!" I exclaim, my attempt to lighten the mood met with a small crack in his facade.

"Yeah, yeah. Well, now you know. You can be so oblivious sometimes Byers." He half-smiles.

"Oh~ so we're back on a last name basis are we now Harrington?" I poke his chest lightly with my index finger. "In that case, you can finish the lap alone." I give him a toothy grin before darting forward without him.

"Hey! No fair!" He clamors from behind me.

Perched on the curb outside the rink, we share a moment of quiet amidst the chaos. The cool summer breeze soothes my skin as we indulge in slices of greasy roller rink pizza. Glancing at my watch, I note the time – 11:53.

"So~ what did you think?" I prod, nudging him playfully.

"Of what?" he replies, his mouth full of pizza.

"Was I better than your no-show date or what?" I smile.

He stares at me dumbfounded. "That you were a better date?" He flushes.

"No! No!" I panic. "I mean- Did you- Did you have more fun with your friend- I mean best friend, than some rando girl." I stammer multiple times failing to make this less awkward.

"Oh, I mean, yeah, totally." He smiles ear-to-ear.

I look up at the clear night sky, taking in the tranquility. "Do you think...there's really Russians in Hawkins Steve?" I murmur.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him gaze at me longingly. "I hope not..." He chuckles nervously. "I mean haven't we been through enough?"

I laugh softly alongside him. "You would think so..."