Just Pretend

Favorite Color

"So, do you want to start on chapter five and I'll do chapter six?"

Me and Beomgyu sit alone in a corner of the library. It's fairly quiet where we're sitting, a snug corner filled with books.

"Yeah, then we'll start on the slideshow?"

"Sounds good!" He says.

We both open our textbooks and begin reading. It's silent, but a soft silence. The kind that's easy to fall into, forgetting how long it's been since someone spoke.

It's hard to think that someone who I'd only watched from afar is now my boyfriend. Even harder to remember it's only pretend.

However, I'm still proud of myself. All this time I've spent, closed-off, not connecting with anyone around me. Look at me now. I have a friend. And I think it might last this time. Even if I never tell him how I feel, having him here is enough.

I think back to what he said at prom: "I don't know if they'd like me if they really knew me." I wonder if no one's ever tried to get to know him. He has friends, but maybe he's never felt like those friends got to know the real him. Maybe he never let them. Maybe he's scared. Maybe I am too.

"Hey, Beomgyu," I start.

"Yeah?"

"What's your favorite color?"

He looks up from the textbook.

"Why do you ask that?" He questions.

"Just curious"

"Hmm" he pauses in thought, "pink"

I gasp, "pink? Really?"

"What's wrong with liking pink?" He grins.

"Nothing, it just surprised me. You only ever wear black"

I turn back to my book. It's true, he's always in dark colors. I figured that's what he liked, but apparently not. Such a bright color for someone so reserved. Like he's always trying to mask something.

"What's yours?"

"My favorite color?" He nods. "Yellow!"

He lights up, "wow, I figured your favorite color would be blue or something. Yellow isn't a common favorite, is it?"

"Not common, no," I reply, "but I like it. It doesn't try to make itself palatable for others. I respect that"

"I never thought of it that way," he said.

All of a sudden, Beomgyu's group of friends is walking up to us. I recognize Yeonjun, but the rest? I'm not sure.

"How's it going, you two?" Yeonjun asks.

I stay quiet. Beomgyu answers, "it's going well. What about you?"

"We haven't started yet," Soobin says.

They sit by us and we try to get back to our project. Their group is chattering on and on. Beomgyu lifts his head occasionally, but he mainly continues reading his chapter. Something Yeonjun says catches my attention:

"So she said one of her friends actually has a crush on Beomgyu"

Huening Kai jumps, "but he's dating Y/N?!"

"Well, they're not really dating, right?" Yeonjun turns to me.

My thoughts are racing, I guess there's nothing stopping Beomgyu from dating someone. Is it stupid to feel like we have something even though we only went to prom together?

"No, we aren't" I mutter.

"What do you think then, Beomgyu? Wanna give her a chance?"

I look to Beomgyu, but his smile has faded.

"Wether me and Y/N are actually dating or not, the rest of the school thinks we are. So, no. I'm not interested"

"I'm sure the school is not that invested," Taehyun states, "you can go on a date with someone else if you want"

"I'm not interested" Beomgyu repeats.

"Why not? Please, just give her a chance! What am I supposed to tell Minji, her friend will be so upset" Yeonjun insists.

"I've got a lot going on right now, I don't have time for something like that"

Soobin spoke, "like what?"

Beomgyu shuts the book closed, "I have a ton of schoolwork. No time for a girlfriend"

"That didn't stop you from going to prom with Y/N"

"That's different"

"How is it different?" Yeonjun commands, "honestly, I'm starting to think that you and Y/N are actually dating with how you're overreacting"

"I'm not overreacting," Beomgyu groans, "I'm just not interested. Why can't I say that? I'm allowed to not want to date your friend"

"Fine" Yeonjun says.

It goes quiet. Everyone is now doing their work, or at least staring at their laptops pretending to. Beomgyu taps me on the shoulder.

"Wanna go work somewhere else?" He whispers. I nod.

We stand and leave the library without a word to his friends. Silently, I follow him past the classrooms and out the doors. We find an area with few students. Sitting down on a bench underneath a large oak tree, I speak.

"I'm sorry. The whole fake dating thing is turning into a problem, isn't it? I can break it off, if you want. I don't want you to be fighting with your friends because of me"

"No, they're always like that" he says, bringing his knees to his chest.

"Really? It seemed like it was getting kind of..." I hesitate, "aggressive"

"They just-, don't listen to me. And will try to persuade me into doing stuff for them, or questioning stuff like why I don't want a girlfriend"

"Haven't you told them about your dad?"

"No" he states, "they wouldn't listen. If they did, it's not like they'd get it. Not like you would"

It makes me happy that he trusts me, though it shouldn't. He's talking about his problems with his friends. I add, "I'm okay if you want to date that girl. If you're worrying about my feelings, don't"

"I don't want to date her," he clarifies, "I'm not interested in dating right now. Everything in my life is already a mess, I don't need more... more things to feel like I'm messing up"

"Well, we've been pretend dating for a few days now, and you haven't messed anything up yet!" I joke.

He laughs, "you're funny"

"Oh, I know, Beomgyu."