Just Pretend

Define Love?

(BEOMGYU POV)

It finally came, the day of the group project. Me and Y/N had prepared our slideshow, and also got some practice in. We had to present in front of the entire class, but I didn't find myself feeling super nervous. We were ready!

Having told my mom about the big day, she ironed out my shirt for me and made sure everything was all set.

"Mom, I told you. It's just a slideshow for history class"

"I know sweetie, but I just want to make sure you have everything you need" she said.

I continued, "no one's even going to notice what I'm wearing! They're just going to wear what they always do"

She called as I got ready to tie up my yellow sneakers, "Beomgyu, wear the new converse I got you! The blue ones"

I whined, "Why? I haven't broken those in yet"

"You need to look crisp!" She yelled.

-----

She also drove me to school, insisting that if my brother took me, I'd be late and miss the whole class and get a zero. Which, isn't too far off. Except now I'm 20 minutes early.

"Bye honey, I love you!"

"Love you too," I mumble.

I take the long way to my classroom. If I show up super early and it's just me and the teacher for a quarter hour, it'll be awkward.

I stop by the tree that me and Y/N sat at that one time. After the fight with my friends. The leaves shake and flutter above my head. I never noticed in winter, but it must be a cherry tree. The petals are now blooming a sweet bubblegum color, floating down in the dewy morning breeze.

As the ringing of the bell creeps up on me, I start to make my way to the classroom. As I'm reaching our hall, I see Y/N before me. She waves and jogs over.

Oh no. Oh no no no.

She smiles at me. Don't smile at me like that. Don't look at me like that. Her eyes glitter as she runs over. Her hair is curled slightly, and she's wearing a long, navy dress. Her mom probably also told her to dress nicely.

"Hey! Ready for our presentation today?" She greets. And her voice is so soft and kind. And she smiles, gosh, her smile. My heart aches for the love and comfort I feel with just a grin from her.

Don't make me fall for you. What am I supposed to do then? How can I recover from that? Don't make me fall for you just to be rejected. Don't give me another thing to pretend to not care about.

"Hello?" She waves her hand in front of my face, "Beomgyu?"

She says my name and it's like I've never heard it before. Like it's my first time hearing my own name. Like it was made for her to say it. Like every moment, every memory from my life was only a prologue leading up to me meeting her. Like the story starts now, and I've never known myself until I've found who I can be with her.

She grabs my hand, "Beomgyu, are you okay? You're just standing there"

Finally, I snap out of my daze as I feel the warmth of her hand in mine. My face heats up too.

"Y-yeah. Just nervous about the presentation"

"Aw, don't be! I'm sure you'll do fine" she reassures.

But in my mind, I can't stop thinking about her. And if I have a crush on her. And if she likes me the same way. And if she doesn't.

"What if I don't?"

She laughs, "well then, just mess up in a funny way. At least it'll be entertaining"

The bell rings loudly through the hallways, but my ears zero in on her laugh. And for a moment, I think that I'll be okay with her loving someone else. It's enough just to make her smile. If I can make her laugh even once, it'll be enough for me.

"Should we get to class?" She asks, leaning in while keeping eye contact.

My breath catches in my throat. I just barely get out, "yeah, let's go"

-----

The presentation went well. I was able to calm down enough to present with Y/N, though my heart was racing the entirety of our slideshow. It still hasn't really stopped.

My last class ends and I begin to leave the building. As I reach the school gates, I see Y/N standing off by herself. Her hair is blowing so gracefully in the wind, her eyes gazing down at the sidewalk. Suddenly, she catches my eyes on her and grins.

"I keep forgetting that we don't need to work on our project after school today," she jokes.

"Y-yeah" I gulp. She's making eye contact with me. What do I do? Why do I suddenly feel so weird around her?

She fidgets with the straps of her bag, "so, got any plans for the weekend?"

"Nope" How am I still going to see her if we're not working on the project together?

"Then, uh.."

She looks at me. I feel my face flush scarlet. I turn away and hide my face with my hand, pretending to be deep in thought about something.

"Then, I guess I'll just see you around"

"Mhm" I nod, still facing away from her.

I hear her footsteps as she pats off. Once she's farther away, I turn back to her and stare.

Oh, Y/N. Look at me, pretending to be just friends. In reality, I'm already so far gone. My definition of 'love' was never complete, because the missing piece was always you.