Just Pretend

Star

(BEOMGYU POV)

I step into the entryway of my house, untying my shoes in the doorway. My brother saunters in holding a can of coke.

"Who's your friend, Beomgyu?"

"Uh, this is my," I whisper to Y/N, "do I say we're dating? Or fake dating?"  She shrugs her shoulders. I continue, "this is Y/N. We are going to work on a school project"

He just rolls his eyes and leaves the room. I look to Y/N, her eyes passing over the room. She looks overwhelmed. I try to ease the awkwardness, "sorry, welcome to my house! That was just my brother"

"Oooh," She nods.

I guide her into the hallway and past several doors to my room. She continues to scan everything, like she's finally unlocking the key to a mystery. She takes notice of all my records and CDs lining the walls and filling the bookshelves.

"Wow, a lot of music" She notes.

I stand in the corner by my guitar, "yeah, it's one of my favorite things"

She browses the albums, looking over the covers, "Ooo, you listen to Lamp?"

"Yeah! Lamp's a great band" I smile. Yes! Finally, something we can talk about!

"Right?" She agrees, "For Lovers is good... have you ever listened to Her Watch?"

"YES, Her Watch is good too," I cheer.

It gets quiet as she continues looking through my collection. She gasps every time she recognizes an artist. I just smile, excited to have a friend with common interests.

Seeing if she knows any other musicians I like, I ask, "have you ever listened to Mitski? She's good too"

"Yes! I love Mitski" she turns to me, grinning.

"Really?" I buzz, "what's your favorite song from her?"

"Hmm... definitely Star! From her newest album?"

She likes the same bands AND the same songs, "that's my favorite too! That's crazy..."

"That's so cool," she sighs, "I love the lyricism in that song... how even though their love is over, she still views the memory of it as a star. Like even though their relationship has ended, she still finds hope in it"

"Wow, I hadn't really thought about it that way before, you're totally right" I discern. Yeonjun never liked the music I liked. I would always listen to the songs he liked so we could talk about them, but... he never did that for me. It's weird to have a friend like this.

I add, "I really like that one line, 'You know I'd always been alone 'til you taught me to live for somebody'. It always... hit me, for some reason"

She looks to me, "yeah, I like that line too"

And now that she's looking at me, I notice things I never noticed before. Her smile that slowly grows as she laughs, one corner of her mouth a little higher than the other. Her smile almost reads as a smirk. She has a few freckles on her face, one on her forehead and another by her bottom lip. I notice some on her hands as well. They lightly cover her skin like stars, just enough to form a constellation.

My heartbeat picks up. I feel a thump in my chest, but it must just be from running here earlier. I don't know what else it could be.

She tears my focus from the galaxy on her face back down to Earth, "So, we should probably start working on the project, right?"

"Yeah," I mutter, "we should"

-----

As it got late and the sun dripped down behind the houses, I offered to walk Y/N home. The walk was quiet. Her walking a few steps ahead, and me. Me and my mind spiraling about her. And me worrying about why I keep spiraling about her. Me and her.

"See you tomorrow!" She calls out from her doorway.

I wave goodbye, "yeah, tomorrow"

When I get back to my house, my brother's standing by the door with a grin, still sipping the same coke that's got to be flat by now.

"So, Y/N," he begins.

I narrow my eyes, "what about her?"

"Sure she's just a friend?" He chuckled.

I rant, "of course she's just a friend! I barely even know her. We are just two people that have the same class, and we are working on a project for that class together, and we just so happen to get along okay. It's convenient. We are just friends"

"Hm," he taunts, "if you say so"

My face heats up as he laughs at me, "w-well why would you think otherwise?"

"Well, you're definitely right, just friends. I merely noticed that yesterday you were moping about in bed all day, and suddenly when you came home, you haven't been able to get that smile off your face"

I realize that I have, in fact, been smiling this whole time. I immediately switch it to a glare and cup my face to hide the blush creeping up on me, "well, that's just 'cause we... are good friends"

"Okay," he says, "at any rate, I'm glad you have someone that's making you smile"

-----

I spent the entire night tossing and turning. In the dark of my room, I couldn't get the shine of her eyes out of my mind. Cut it out! She's just an acquaintance! Thoughts flew through my mind, how do you know if you like someone? What if she's just a good friend and I'm not used to that, so I confuse it for a crush? What if I only notice her once we no longer talk, what then? What do I do?

I hug my pillow and squeeze my eyes shut. Trying to lure myself to sleep doesn't seem to work. I decide to scroll on my phone, somehow thinking the blue light will distract me from her. A text post emerges onto my feed:

"The more you hide your feelings for someone, the more you fall for them"

I throw my phone back down onto the bed, burying my head further into my blanket. It can't be... can it?

I grab my headphones from next to my bed, putting them on and connecting them to my phone. Opening Spotify, I search up a song and press play.

Remember when we met
We acted like two fools
We were so glad
So glad to have found it

That love is like a star, it's gone
We just see it shining
It's traveled very far