All the Colors of Earth (Natasha Romanoff)

2.2

Natasha

May 24, 2014

"How hard is it to find a fugitive!" Tony yells at nobody in particular, but I still shift in my seat nervously.

It's been two weeks since the incident in the tower and while it had been quickly fixed, the team and the government, were on edge. Especially around me. We hadn't kept our relationship a secret and so when she disappeared, nobody knew what to say or how to act.

There had been a brief interrogation but when the rest of the team vouched that I would never betray them, I'd been released. I was still under surveillance, but that was nothing new.

"She's evaded capture for years Tony," Steve reminds him. "It was just dumb luck they caught her last time."

"If you know how, it's pretty easy to disappear," Bruce agrees.

Tony groans, "I still can't believe she left. I thought she'd at least be woman enough to own up to her mistakes. Especially with you here," he adds, pointing to me.

I keep my voice calm as I say, "I guess we never really know anyone Tony."

Everyone sits in an awkward silence before the boys continue their banter. I tune them out, not caring what they had to say. They could argue all they wanted about why they couldn't find her, if she'd had help disappearing, or if she was even still on earth.

But they'd never find her. I made sure of that.

I never thought that some of the skills I learned as a child would be used to protect the one person I love, but here we are. Sure I used many of them to protect the team and the world, but I don't usually have to rely on my more darker skills.

Like the constant voice in my head.

It had always been there growing up. Torturing me, haunting me, and at times protecting me. It was my closest friend and my worst enemy. Those few months with Marz, the voice had been silent, but now that she was gone.. well, it never shut up.

Not even your team respects you anymore. You're losing your touch, Natalia. They'll find her, and they'll kill her, and there's nothing you can do. You'll fail her again, just as you fail everyone.

"Shut up," I half growl at the voice, not realizing that I've spoken out loud until everyone is looking at me. Standing up I glare at each of them, "it doesn't matter. None of it matters. She's gone, she's not our problem anymore. Let SHIELD look for her, we have bigger problems with the Daxomites. Focus on that!"

Storming out of the conference room, I head to the gym, an overwhelming urge to hit something rising up in me. I pause inside the elevator, looking at my cast. I couldn't very well punch something with that on my hand. Reaching for the buttons, I press one that I ever rarely use and the elevator drops to the sub basement.

I step out into a dark room that immediately lightens when I walk into it. A wall of mirrors greets me, sending my haggard reflection back to me. God I look awful. My hair is a mess, my skin is paler than usual with dark circles under my eyes. And my eyes.. the last time they looked this dead, this empty, I was in the Red Room.

Turning away from the mirrors, I go to a little alcove where dozens of ballet shoes sit in neat rows. Replacing my shoes with a pair I head back towards the mirrors. Gripping the waist high bar, I do some basic stretching, but before long I'm antsy to get started.

Standing up straight, I balance on the tips of my toes and start to dance. Or rather, I try. But five moves in I fall flat on my ass.

Pathetic. I taught you better than that Natalia. Get up and do it again.

The voice was right, I was taught better than that. So up I get, back to position one and start again.

Over and over I fall, and over and over I get up. I'm down there for hours, just dancing, finding comfort in the control that it gives me. I need the control, I crave it after everything that's been going on.

I may not be able to control the team, Marzda or the Daxomites, but I could control my body.

So that's what I did.

I danced until I physically couldn't stand anymore. Until my shoes were soaked in blood. But I smiled at them, smiled at the blood and the toes whose nails had been ripped off. Smiled because for the first time since Marz left, the voice was gone.