All the Colors of Earth (Natasha Romanoff)

2.3

Marzda

June 9th, 2014

"Natalie Rushman?" The nurse called, staring out at the waiting room.

A war rages inside me as I stand up. There's a voice inside my head screaming at me to run, run as fast as I can and never look back. The other part of me forces step after step towards the waiting nurse. The dark part of me, the desperate part of me, the terrified part of me.

"Natalie?" The nurse asks when I get to her.

I nod stiffly, "ye- hi," I say awkwardly.

"I'm Nurse Franklin," she says kindly as she ushers me into the back. "You'll be in exam room one right here," she tells me as she opens a door. I walk shakily into the room and sit heavily on the table, the paper crinkling under me. She shuts the door and turns to me, "so what brings you in today Natalie?"

My hands tremble as I wipe them on my pants, "I'm uh.. pregnant." I take a deep shaky breath, "and I don't know what to do."

Nurse Franklin smiles and puts her clipboard down before coming over to me and wrapping her arms around me. She holds me tightly for a long moment before letting me go and sitting down across from me. "Firstly, I want to thank you for coming in. I know that it probably wasn't easy to come here alone and I want you to know that we will do whatever you want us to do."

"Thank you," I say softly.

"So, I do need to ask a few questions," she says gently. "Do you know how far along you are?"

I shake my head, "I found out a few weeks ago."

She picks up the clipboard and writes my answer down, "do you know who the father is?"

I laugh slightly and give her the only answer that I logically could, "my ex."

Nurse Franklin looks at me hesitantly, "I have to ask a delicate question. Is this child the product of an assault?" She motions to the sunglasses I've yet to take off, "it's not very sunny in here."

"No, no it.. it was nothing like that. My ex didn't want kids. We argued, broke up, and now I'm here." My hand goes up to the glasses before dropping back down to my lap, "they were my ex's, and as bad as it ended, I needed them here."

She nods, "and can I ask, what exactly are you wanting Natalie?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, are you planning on keeping your baby? Having an abortion? Putting it up for adoption?" She asks, her tone still kind but businesslike.

"I... don't know," I admit. "I want it, but I can't have it. I don't have anyone."

"Are you wanting to schedule an abortion then?"

I sigh, "I don't know."

"Ok," Nurse Franklin says as she puts her clipboard back down. "Why don't we get an ultrasound and run some tests before we decide anything. We can figure out how far along you are and then discuss your options. Does that sound good?"

I nod, "yeah."

"Ok," she says as she stands up. "I'll get the machine and I just need you lay back on the table here and try to relax."

She walks out and I do as she says, laying back on the crinkle paper. My hand goes to my stomach as I whisper, "I don't know what to do, bean. Natasha would know what to do. I wish she was here."

The door opens and Nurse Franklin comes back in with what looks like a television on wheels. She puts it beside the bed and pulls up a chair next to me, "can you unbutton your pants for me and lift up your shirt to your breasts please?" She pulls in some gloves as I do what she says. She grabs a bottle and holds it over my stomach, "this might be cold."

I move slightly as the cold gel touches me, "yeah just a little."

She smiles as she puts the bottle back and picks up something with a cord attached, "now I'm just going to press this to your belly and with any luck we will be able to see your baby." I keep my eyes focused on the ceiling as she runs the thing on my stomach, back and forth, back and forth until she she stops on one spot. "There it is," she says softly. "Do you want to see it?"

I shake my head quickly, "I can't."

"Ok, that's ok." She hits a button and the sound of a paper being printed fills the room. "It looks like you're about twelve weeks along." At my sharp breath she asks, "I take it you weren't expecting to be that far?"

I shake my head, "not even close." Colorian pregnancies and human ones weren't so different. While humans were pregnant for nine months, Colorians were pregnant for five. I had been hoping that maybe I'd get somewhere in the middle. Hoping that I'd have more time to make a decision, but from how fast the child was growing, I'd say I'd be lucky to get the five months.

Nurse Franklin continues, "you're two weeks away from the cutoff time for an abortion, so if that's something you want, we can schedule that today and get you in within the next few days."

"Ok," I whisper.

She pulls the thing away from my stomach and hands me a towel, "I'll let you get cleaned up and then I'll be back with the paperwork."

She leaves again and I just lay there for a minute, unable to move. Could I actually do this? Could I really get rid of my baby? Natasha's baby? My head moves to the side and I see the screen of the ultrasound machine. I barely register that the room starts to tremble as I stare at the baby on the screen.

The longer I stare the more the room shakes, making dust and ceiling tiles fall to the floor. The door busts open and a different nurse yells, "it's an earthquake! We need to evacuate the building!"

Jumping up from the table, I button my pants, not caring that the gel was still on my skin. All I cared about in that moment was the child in the screen. A printed picture was under it and I grab it, putting it in my pocket. I follow the nurse out of the building and I never look back.

My Dearest Natasha,

Paris is far too beautiful to be here alone. I wish you could see the house, the countryside and the cute little town that's just down the road. It would be a good place to raise a family I think. It reminds me of my planet in a way, all the open spaces, the hills and the plants.

Obviously I don't know what color my planet was, but I'd like to think that it was as green as earth. Or maybe it was as red as your hair. I'll never know, it's long gone.

Hopefully our child will never know the struggles of war or the pain of losing their home, their family. I promise you that no matter what happens I will protect them, and this planet.

And you.

Forever Yours,
Marz