All the Colors of Earth (Natasha Romanoff)

2.4

Natasha

June 22, 2014

I watch the satellite feed, just as I do every day, of the villa in Paris.

It hadn't been hard to get the address from the bank considering I technically owned it. What had been hard was to hide the fact that I'd hacked into a satellite that was over the area, but with StarkTech on my side, nobody had noticed so far.

Most days I saw nothing, but I knew she was there. Sometimes the door would be open, or the windows. Sometimes a new plant would be on the porch. Small things that told me she was still there, still waiting.

What she was waiting for I didn't know. Part of me hopes that she's waiting for me, and part of me doesn't. Even checking on her is risky, but if I were to actually go to her, we'd never make it out of that house alive.

And it was such a cute house.

I couldn't help but to picture us both there, living a normal life like she wanted. Maybe a dog running in the yard, a cat in the window, a small garden along the fence.

Most nights I'd fall asleep dreaming of our normal life as I stare at the house, but not tonight. Tonight I was watching Marz.

For the first time since I'd been watching, she was out on the porch sitting in the rocking chair. A book in one hand and a cup on the small table beside her. I couldn't see what she was reading, only that it looked like she was reading out loud.

How I wished this thing had sound. I'd give anything to hear her voice again. Just once, just for a second. Whatever she's reading must have been funny because she laughs and I can almost hear it. She stops laughing abruptly and her hand flies to her stomach, a look of pain on her face.

Panic floods through me and I see her pause, her face scrunched in concentration. Taking a breath, I force myself to calm down, to go numb again. As my panic subsides, so does the look on her face. She rubs her stomach and it looks like she's trying to massage a knot out of it.

Eventually she gives up, going back to her book.

I keep studying her, trying to see if she was hurt. Had she broken some ribs? Been in an accident or a fight? Or worse, had she been shot?

I watch her for hours as she reads. Occasionally she'll put the book down and pick up a notebook I hadn't seen and write something in it. I watch her, trying to see the monster that the team sees.

But all I see is her. My Marz.

She still chews her pens. She still scrunches her eyebrows as she concentrates. She still bites her bottom lip when she reads. Still bounces her leg when she's been sitting still too long.

She's still the woman that I fell for, still the woman I love. And I do love her, more than anything. More than this stupid job, or the team, or even the world. Hell, she is my world and at one point I think I was hers.

Until you ruined it. Just like you ruin everything. Why would she want you? Not even your own mother wanted you Natalia. Even your so called team has been avoiding you.

"I've been avoiding them," I tell the voice. And it's true, I have. I rarely leave my room anymore, and when I do it's only to go to the kitchen for food. I'm not sure who's been refilling my fridge because I sure haven't gone shopping in weeks.

They'll leave you too. Just watch. You know I'm right, everyone leaves you. Everyone except me. I'm all you have Natalia. I'm all you'll ever have.