It Is a Woman Thing

Back to the Roots

It is 2024 and I was quite hoping the world might have gotten better as regards gender. I believe there are just 2 genders; the males and the females. I am a female; An Igbo Nigerian African Black female and trust me when I say that the struggle I face; we face is a whole lot.

For sure, people pretend not to see it; men pretend not to see it but it is there; it exists. Even in the smallest and simplest things.

There is feminism, the word that drives people crazy, men particularly. For unknown reasons, known perhaps, men pretend not to know what this entails. Fear maybe, or insecurity, I can't say for sure.

I didn't know what feminism was whilst growing up but I was a strong advocate for it, unconsciously. If there is one story I keep telling, it is the fact that out of 6 siblings of mine, my father trusts me the most. Not that I was the best child, no. He believed that I had no time for pleasure. I was the introverted child, minding her business upstairs while the rest played downstairs. The only problem however, that he thought I had was that I was disrespectful, arrogant, rude, for a woman.

I was very vocal at home, very vocal. I was the one child that had problems with the rules laid by my dad. Trust me, I love my dad but you know how parents work. African parents! I challenged my parents most times. I couldn't do that with my dad, I mean, he provided. We didn't see eye to eye, we hardly ever agreed. I did tell my mother this. It was easier with my mom because I thought she would have done better. After all, she was a woman like me. Those times where you wanted her to speak up and challenge my dad but she couldn't, she wouldn't. Would I say I was angry or bitter? Was it frustration? I don't know. But I can say for sure, we are doing better. My dad has changed so much, he keeps evolving with time. My mom has always understood, she just had her methods perhaps. This was years ago.

Most people grew up watching movies on African Magic Epic. I and my mom watched movies the most. Most times, we would stay up late watching movies. I was quite naive; my father did a great job shielding us from how the world actually works. On one of those nights, I had checked the channels I and my mom usually watched together and I found nothing of interest. Funny enough, I was in charge of the remote. I started scrolling looking for something to see. And just there, the information - it was titled, Ovy's Voice on IrokoTV. I decided I wanted to see it.

The movie had run for quite a while. I didn't quite understand. I did have this superpower to understand a movie regardless of where it begins from. I couldn't watch to the end as my dad interrupted. I waited till he left and then I switched back. It was almost close to being over. I decided that I was going to find it, and see it completely. That begun the journey. Highly recommend. But the movie, little as it was that I had seen, had already opened my eyes. I got to learn that there was a thing such as rape, worse still, from a close relative. There was even a thing such as trauma. And who has a higher chance of being victims, women.

I figured out what being a feminist was, what was feminism and I was just so happy to know that what I believed in, indeed had a tag. The happiness was however, cut short when I found out the controversy and stigma surrounding the tag. Once, while scrolling through Facebook, I saw a post of a guy saying he would never take anyone with Feminist written on her bio seriously, even went ahead to use derogatory terms. I was taken aback.

Fast forward, I have realized that when people term me feminist, it is some sought of mockery. I must admit, I get scared or ashamed most times, to identify as one. Feminist to them equals man hater, unmarriageable. Whenever I speak up on issues concerning women, I am immediately tagged a feminist. Raising my voice, standing firm in what I believed in equals that. It has gotten to a point where whenever the term is mentioned, all eyes turn to me. Do I care? That I do not know. I have been told countless times that I wouldn't be able to get married with this "thing I do" but I couldn't care less. I don't hate men, never had but they do not take it seriously. I have even been tagged lesbian but I wouldn't delve into it.