Love Letters And Cigarettes

Chapter Five

Winnie looked at Augustine, his eyes wide and his face turning red. Augustine- loved him too?

"Y-you-" He started, but was cut off by Augustine kissing him, and pulling him closer into his arms.
Winnie didn't protest, and melted into the warmth Augustine provided. His mind felt fuzzy, but it wasn't bad.

Winnie didn't expect this, and he didn't know what to think of it. All he knew, was that Augustine was kissing him, and that he said he loved him too.

Augustine pulled away after a few moments, his hand gently placed against Winnie's cheek. He wiped a few of his stay tears away, and blushed heavily.
Had he really just kissed Winnie? He didn't think he had it in him to do that.

Winnie sniffled slightly, and leaned into Augustine's touch. "D-do you.. really love me too?.." He asked shakily, avoiding eye contact.
"Of course I do Win.. I prayed that the letters I got were from you, because I'd rather be with you than anyone else in the world.." Augustine said, his voice being soft and genuine.

Winnie sniffled again, years pricking his eyes for the third time.

"I-i t-thought you'd hate me i-if I told you.. b-because I'm not a girl- and I'm not worth anything for you.." He said, his voice breaking slightly.

"Winnie, I don't care if you're not a girl. I've never had a preference on that before anyway.." Augustine said, laying down and pulling Winnie close into his arms.

"Why.. didn't you ever tell me that?" Winnie asked, shakily glancing at Augustine. "The same reason you never told me you were into guys.. I was afraid of what you'd think." Augustine said, his eyes trailing over Winnie's facial features.

He couldn't help but admire him, he was absolutely perfect. He'd always been perfect to Augustine, even when their relationship had crumbled, even when they were struggling to fix it.

He had always been perfect.

Winnie looked at Augustine, his eyes watery with tears. He buried his face into Augustine's neck, his breath hiccupping slightly.

"Winnie- are you crying again?.." Augustine asked worriedly, rubbing Winnie's back to try and help comfort him.
"A-a little.." Winnie muttered, his voice shaking slightly. "I-i just never thought you would.. love me the same way I do you." He said, pulling back to look at Augustine with teary eyes and a weak smile.

Augustine placed his hand against Winnie's cheek, and leaned in closer to him. "I'm glad it was you.. who wrote the letters." He said, smiling nervously.
"I'm glad you kept them.." Winnie said, leaning into Augustine's touch.

Augustine smiled weakly, and gently pressed his lips into Winnie's in a loving kiss. He'd never expected that he'd be here, kissing his best friend after years of resenting him.

Winnie kissed back, his arms wrapping around Augustine's neck. He felt so cared for by him, he didn't feel like a toy or some experiment for people to use.

For once, he felt loved.

Augustine broke the kiss after a few moments, his face a deep red. He looked away, embarrassed and flustered.
He'd never exactly kissed a guy before, or anyone for that matter.

Winnie looked at him, wiping any stray tears from his face now that he'd calmed down. "A-are you okay?.." He asked, his voice still a bit shaky.

"Yeah.. just umm- not used to kissing." Augustine said, looking at Winnie with a nervous smile.
"Is it bad or something?.." Winnie asked, tilting his head. Was he a bad kisser or something? He didn't want Augustine to not like kissing him, he wanted him to like it.

"No.. I've just- never exactly kissed someone before.." Augustine mutters, seemingly embarrassed to be admitting how inexperienced he was.

"Oh, I was worried I was bad at it for a moment." Winnie said, letting out a sigh of relief. "I want to make you feel good.. not uncomfortable." He added, his voice quiet.

Augustine blushed, and glanced over to his pillow. He grabbed the letter he'd hidden underneath it, and glanced at it.

It made him realize that Winnie didn't just have romantic feelings for him, but he also had sexual desires as well.
Augustine never thought anyone would have thoughts like that for him, and just the knowledge that Winnie was the one who wanted him in such a way made his stomach tighten.

"I can tell.. you made that kinda obvious with this." He said, handing the letter to Winnie.

Winnie immediately recognized the letter, since it was the newest one he'd written. His face turned a bright red, and he bit his lip nervously.

Why the hell was Augustine keeping this letter under his pillow.

"Why do you.. have this under your pillow?" Winnie asked, his voice a tad bit shaky due to nerves. "I umm.. it made me feel really special and stuff when reading it.." Augustine admitted, looking away embarrassed.

This whole situation was embarrassing, and definitely not something he was expecting to ever happen.

Winnie smiled nervously, and set the paper down. "You are special.." He muttered quietly, making Augustine blush.
"Thanks.." Augustine muttered, looking down at the letter. He then glanced at Winnie, then back at the letter.

"Do you umm.. really feel that way about me?" He asked, looking back at Winnie.
Winnie immediately looked away, his face a bright red. "W-well umm.. y-yeah." He finally admitted, feeling almost ashamed.

He was worried, that Augustine wouldn't feel that way about him, and would find him disgusting or something.

He couldn't help but feel these things, because he was used to being rejected, used, called names. It was just, normal to him.

Augustine felt his throat go dry, and his heart face. Winnie had those desires for him, he actually had those desires for him.
Augustine had them too, he was sure he'd always had them. But, he never wanted to believe them.

He never wanted to believe that he actually loved Winnie, the man who made him burn with hatred, with disgust, and despise.
But those feelings weren't real, they were mistaken.

He refused to ever have felt like that towards Winnie, because he loved him too much to think about how he's misjudged him.

"I'm sorry- I just.. the letters were supposed to always stay anonymous, I never.. wanted you to know about them."  Winnie said, looking down at the letter that sat beside them.
"I just.. couldn't hold those feelings in." He added, sighing softly. "I'm sorry.." He muttered, his eyes moving to the bandage on his wrist.

Augustine gently took Winnie's hand in his, squeezing it gently. "Well umm.. I've never exactly- had.. uhh.. experience with- that." He muttered, running his thumb over the bandage.
"You, haven't?" Winnie asked, looking up at him. Augustine nodded, feeling embarrassed.

Without thinking, Winnie spoke. "let me give you that experience then."