CW/TW: Swears, Violence, Attempted Suicide, Potentially sexual scenes. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. ITS ALL SATIRE.
Sukuna has been feeling lonely. The king of curses needs a queen. His loneliness has only gotten worse ever since Itadori and Rapunzel star...
"You thought you were REAL sneaky this time, DIDNT YOU ITADORI?! Well GUESS WHAT?! YOU'RE THE WORST BOYFRIEND IVE EVER HAD!" Rapunzel cried.
"Who cares? You were just whining and bullshitting to me about how 'your friends were waiting for you at the ball'. I would tell you to go hang out with them instead of chasing my ass down every 30 seconds, but I don't see any fucking friends anywhere nearby."
Rapunzel was quiet.
Sukuna continued to speak,
"Is it possible that you don't have any? I wouldn't doubt it, considering that your whole personality is this fake 'nice girl' act while you're actually a massive two-faced bitch in reality."
Sukuna could tell that tears were starting to form in Rapunzels eyes. Itadori won't care if I ruin his relationship. He must know how abusive Rapunzel is by now, right?
"NO WAY You're going to have the balls to call ME fake! ALL YOU EVER DID WAS PRETEND TO BE MY BOYFRIEND. YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT ME, YOU KILLED MY MOM, AND THAT MAC N CHEESE YOU MAKE ISNT EVEN THAT FUCKING GOOD!" Rapunzel cried.
"You praised me for killing your mom." Sukuna pointed out.
"AND SO WHAT IF I DID?!"
"Then that's not a valid excuse as to why I'm a bad boyfriend."
Rapunzel was furious. "WHATEVER! YOU ALSO USED ME FOR SEX WHENEVER MOTHER GOTHEL WASN'T HOME!"
"I remember that being your idea, if I'm not mistaken. You invited me over."
Rapunzel was clearly shocked at Sukunas responses. "What has gotten into you?! Ever since I asked you to wear your markings, you've been avoiding me and challenging me! It's like you're a completely different person!" She said.
Sukuna played dumb "Do you know how stupid you sound? How would I be a different person..?"
Rapunzel rolled her eyes "Whatever. We're done Itadori. Don't even call me for sex. I'm not interested."Rapunzel threw back her hair and trotted away. "We're in the clear babe, let's run away now." Sukuna said softly in Cinderella's ear. Sukuna noticed that she seemed a little scared. "A-Are you sure we're in the clear?"
Sukuna gave a heartwarming smirk. "We're clearer than a pool of discharge, now let's go!" Cindy shuttered, "Ok, but I'm gonna need you to answer some questions once we find a good spot."
The two dashed through castle halls, searching for a good place to hide out. They opened as many doors as possible in search for a room. They accidentally found a room where Gojo and Elsa were having sex. "EW! PRIVATES!" Cindy screeched. "Would that be your reaction if that was my privates? 🥺" Sukuna whined. Cinderella giggled. "Of course not!"
They closed the Gojo Elsa sex scene door and kept searching. The next room over, there was a little boy, not much older than 5 months old sitting on the floor crying. He had white hair and beady blue pools of sight. "He kinda looks like Gojo..." Sukuna said, confused. "Maybe he is Gojo!" Cinderella gasped. "Gojo was in the other room dumbass, and he's like 28 years old or somthin." Sukuna scolded. He made his tone more playful after he noticed Cindy's orbs flooding with tears. "I'm just playing, you're not dumb." he cooed, caressing Cinderella silky, smooth, shiny, blonde hair. She sniffled and leaned into his chest. Cinderella then started aggressively bawling her eyes out. Sukuna panicked, "Do you want a binky? Baby, what can I get for you?"
Cinderella continued to cry, but her crying started to ease after time. "Sorry about that, I wasn't actually sad, I just like keeping my eyes moist and my lashes luscious." she purred. "Ok good! I was worried there for a minute pookie bear! Don't every scare daddy like that ever again!" Sukuna started to play with her fingers gently. Suddenly, the baby they had been ignoring started to cry louder. "What should we do about... that..?" Cindy asked innocently.
"It's ok, I'll handle this." Sukuna smiled. He put his fingers into position and aimed at the baby on the floor. "Domain expansion," he started. "Malavolent Kitch-"
Before he could finish, the door to Gojo and Elsa's room slammed open. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, LAD?! GET YOUR GREASY PAWS AWAY FROM MY SON!" Gojo screamed.
Sukuna whirled around. Gojo was standing right behind him.
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"What did you say..?" Sukuna said threateningly. "Stop. Don't touch my son." Gojo confidently exclaimed. Sukuna's face twisted sexually. "I like that... You're an assertive young man who knows what he wants..." Sukuna licked his lips. Gojo was surpirised. He blushed a little bit.
Suddenly, Sukuna put his hands behind Gojo's head and dragged him into a kiss. They slurped at each other passionately. Is this wrong... to be doing in front of Cinderella... Sukuna wondered. He shrugged it off and kept going. They entwined tongues. Eyes closed. Drool dripped from their mouths. Finally, after a long make-out session, they pulled away. Sukuna wiped the moisture off of his lips with his sleeve. Both of them suddenly became conscious of their actions again. Where did Cinderella go?! Sukuna fretted. He whipped his head around, looking for where his sexy piece of ass went. "Cinderella!" He called. She had ran off. She must be angry! 🥺 I knew she wouldn't like seeing that!
Sukuna realized that Elsa was also nowhere to be found, and Gojo was also frantically searching for his baby cakes.
Both of them perked at the sound of a soft moan a few rooms down. They both scrambled down the hallway and threw open the doors of a palace bedroom. They found their women.
Cinderella and Elsa were there... But they were kissing. Each other. Elsa laying down on top of Cinderella, both of them splayed on the bed. "STOP!! WHAT IS HAPPENING!?!" Sukuna burst with rage. He couldn't bear seeing someone else do that to Cindy-chan. Sukuna took off the belt he was wearing and wound it up. He started to charge at Elsa, homemade whip in hand. He violently swung at her, beating her until she got off of Cinderella. She yelped in pain, covered in bruises.
"CINDERELLA!!" Sukuna cried again. "HOW DARE YOU! I TRUSTED YOU!"
Cinderella stood up from the bed. "How.. Dare.. I?!"
"HOW DARE YOU MORE LIKE IT!!" Cinderella was crying uncontrollably. "YOU KISSED GOJO RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! YOU LED ME ON AS IF YOU WERE SINGLE BY NIBBLING MY CUTICLES AND SHARING A KISS WITH ME, BUT RAPUNZEL SHOWS UP AS IF YOU GUYS ARE TOGETHER! THEN, YOU TOLD ME YOUR NAME WAS SUKUNA WHILE RAPUNZEL CALLED YOU ITADORI! WHO REALLY ARE YOU?! HOW CAN I TRUST YOU!"
Sukuna couldn't believe that she was blaming him. He started to shake. His body resembled a massage chair more than a human with how hard he was shaking. He suddenly became aware of the belt that he had in his hand again. Do it. She deserves it. His inner voice said.
