Saving Hope

Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Caleb

I've heard it said that sex is the best when you're in love. The sex with Hope was by far the best I've ever had but I'll never know if it was because we would have been good together anyway or because I love her. There's no way of knowing since I'm absolutely sure that I've completely fallen for her so there was no sex before love to compare it with. If I have my way there will be no sex without love for me ever again, I just hope she feels the same way.

We are both silent as we lay in my bed, catching our breaths and trying to figure out what just happened. I worry that at any moment this is going to be too much for Hope and she'll bolt. She surprises me when she lays her head on my chest again and wraps her arm around me.

"I know it's a little late to be having this talk," I say after a few minutes of lying together, "but I don't share. If I'm with you, then I'm only with you. If you're with me, I ask that you're only with me." I hold my breath and hope this won't push her away, but the thought of some other guy touching her does not sit well with me.

"I've never done this Caleb. I've slept with other guys and dated, but I've never been in a real relationship. I don't think you have any idea how complicated my life is. I can promise you I won't be with other men, but I don't know if I can promise you a lot of my time."

I fear for a minute that I am losing her already, "Let's just take it one day at a time. Let me in a little and maybe when you aren't so worried about keeping your two worlds so separated you'll find you have a little more time to let me into both. I'll follow your lead, but I won't stop moving forward all together."

Hope tips her head up to look into my eyes, "I can do one day at a time if you can have some patience." I press my lips to hers and hope that the kiss is enough of an answer for her. Today I'm driving her home; it's the first chance I have to really see who she is.

When we are both dressed we walk the few blocks to my car. We've held hands before, but now it just feels different. Once inside my car, I fire up the engine and then look over to Hope for the directions to her place. I watch as she worries her lip between her teeth and then gives me a small smile.

"Turn right out of here and then left at the first light. I'll let you know when we are getting close." I nod my head and follow her directions. The further we drive, the quieter it gets in the car. Not because I'm ashamed of her or because I suddenly think she's bellow me, but because I honestly fear for her safety.

I can't help but to imagine this trip in the darkness of the night. I can't believe I ever let her on that damn bus. There are druggies on the corner and drunk people passed out on the bus benches and it's Sunday morning. What does it look like late on a weeknight? I feel my jaw clench and notice as Hope looks at me and then quickly looks away.

Reaching my hand out, I take her small hand in mine. I tell myself to relax and that things could be different now. It shouldn't take much convincing to get her to move closer to me. I know it will be a delicate subject given that we still haven't spent much time together outside of the café and our small dates. I have enough money to put her up anywhere and I plan on forcing the issue if I have to.

"Hope, why didn't you just tell me?" I say as we watch two men square off against each other on a corner outside our window. A see a small tear escape her eye and my heart falls with it. "Please, don't cry. I can fix this Hope. Just let me." When her eyes meet mine I see so much shame and disappointment.

"I can't leave, Caleb. There's more you don't know." She wipes away a few tears and continues staring out her window. She gives me a few more quick directions and we pull up to the front of a very old apartment building. Fear and anger rips through me when she points to the broken security gate and tells me to let her out there.

"Fuck." I don't mean to say it out loud but it escapes in a harsh tone and I notice her wince next to me. "No way Hope. I'm not just letting you out. You have to know this isn't safe. I won't be able to function knowing you're here and I can't get to you if you need me. Why here? Why this place? I can help if it's about the money." I bring her hand up to my lips but she's already shaking her head no.

"I appreciate that Caleb, I really do. There's a part of this you don't understand and it's better for you if you don't know." She slips her hand out of mine and opens the door. I reach for my handle and she turns quickly to me and pleads with her eyes, as she begs, "No, Caleb, I need you to leave now. You can't come in."

She has to be crazy if she thinks I'm going to just leave her on the curb in this fucked up neighborhood. "Hope, I can't fucking do this. I can't leave you here."

As if she knew exactly how to stop my heart she whispers, "You promised." Her words slice through me and leave my blood running cold. She can't be serious. There's no way she's going to make me choose between keeping my promise and keeping her safe. If I go with her now we'll be through-I know she won't trust me anymore and I'll only be able to ensure her safety this once. If I go against every fiber of my being and leave right now, there's a chance that I can keep her safe everyday in the future.

I look into her eyes as she leans into my car and I can see her pleading for me to be a man of my word. With one curt nod I put the car in drive and when she steps away from it I pull out and away from her. I watch as she grows smaller in my rearview mirror and hate myself a little more with each mile I put between us.