Every Boy's Nightmare - PART ONE of Guns & Roses

A New Dynamic

Chris hadn’t made it very far, maybe about a hundred feet down the road. By the time Mikael idled up to where he was sitting on the grass, arms wrapped around his knees, he was feeling very bleak, embarrassed over the flare-up, and like every other time he lost his temper, felt like shit about it.

Mikael exhaled, squatted down in front of him, and spread his hands. “Christian, you know how the boys are. Hell, you throw shit at them all day long for years. Why are you suddenly fucking losing your mind over something that really wasn’t that fucking bad, man?”

Chris ran a hand over his hair and just laughed bitterly. “I’m fucking scared, Mikael.” He looked up at him, and that frown there. “I didn’t start my week off thinking about having to deal with any of this shit, and suddenly I have no idea what the hell is going on in your mind, and I don’t think you understand or appreciate, that being fucking called a fag and queer isn’t that great.”

He searched those mellow thoughtful blue eyes, cursed, plucked up a rock, and tossed it into the road. “I know, that’s not what Benny said, man, but I know it’s just another notch on your damn bedpost, and I don’t know how to feel about that. I know that’s what they’re thinking, and honestly,” He exhaled and scrubbed his face. “I don’t want you to have to deal with it. I’m lashing out before anyone says something that’s gonna just take me out, Mikael. That’s all. And you saying it’s not that critical is fucking insane. It is critical. You understand that I’m not casual, that this isn’t my go-to fucking mode, right?” He threw his hands forward just defeated feeling. “I don’t sleep around, fuck I don’t even leave my house. I can’t fucking handle the commentary, and the looks and judgment, and I don’t want you to have to feel like you need to. You aren’t fucking gay, Mikael, and I don’t understand how you can just shrug it off, except maybe you don’t know what it's like to be under that microscope.”

Mikael nodded, and did know all of that, and also knew a lot more about it than Christian knew about. “Chris, the reason I said it’s not a big deal is because it's not.” Those eyes looked so annoyed like he was an idiot, and it flexed his mouth but didn’t touch those blue eyes. “It’s not. You’re right. I’ve never been victimized like you.” He held up a hand at that dangerous surge of sudden anger and emotion and smoothed it out between them. “I haven’t been, but we’re also very different people, from different backgrounds. Who the fuck is going to call me out?” He reached out and put a hand on his knee. “More though, no one is going to call you on it either, Christian. You think this is some casual by-blow for me?” He searched those pained eyes. “You think I’d tolerate guys I pay to actually cross lines and say any damn thing I don’t like to hear?” He shook his head and sighed. “That’s just how they talk Chris, and it’s not anything more than what you make it. People will talk and have opinions, and frankly, I don’t care about it because all it is, is talk.” He found his hand, and those fingers tightened on him a little desperately. “But I’m not trying to make you some notch on a belt, and it’s a little fucking annoying to think that you think that about me. We’ve been friends for how long? Twenty years?” He flicked a brow in real question, and Chris just rubbed his eyes. “I’m aware you aren’t some whore, Christian. Trust me, I would have probably noticed that by now.”

His lips lost their angry line at least, and he eased down a bit and dropped his hand. “What do you want, Mikael? Really, I mean this is fucking with me entirely. If you had ever shown even a hint of interest in another man I could see it, but this is so out of the blue I can’t make myself even want to push for it.”

Mikael shifted forward and bit the bullet here on that note. “I'm not into other men, Christian.” He said it flatly because he wasn’t, and Christian just gave a voila gesture. “I’m into you, and really…” Those eyes narrowed at him, and he just looked down, pursed his lips against a grin, and ran his hand down his thigh. “You’re pretty enough I can overlook other features you know?” Those blue eyes flicked up and Christian looked so characteristically annoyed to hear it. “God knows you’re fucking sexy under me…”