𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 (Walker Scobell)

Is it Over Now?

TW: SH and relapse mention, panic attack

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We stared at each other. Bella made a quick move to the table, gently pulling my fingers away from the handle of the knife. They set it aside and sat across from me now. The silence was stifling and I couldn't do much about it. What would I even say? "Hey Bella, I was gonna relapse because a tiny voice in the back of my head told me to." Whatever.

"Honey, why didn't you tell me?" they asked. Their phone buzzed, and they picked it up, only to set it down again. "I noticed you were quiet. Have you ever been out of this trailer all weekend?" they probed, gently putting their hand on my arm. I jumped back and stared at them. The words I wanted to say were heavy, but how could I explain something like this to Bella? As far as I knew, they had never gone through something like this. Plus, they didn't even know about the comments. I looked at the table. "You know why I'm here?" I didn't say anything. "Your dad saw the doxx. They doxxed everything J. Your house. Your phone number.Your socials. Your iCloud." I snapped my head up at this, but didn't do anything else. I couldn't push any words out of my mouth, but I think my hurt face was enough. Bella attempted to wrap me in another hug, but I pushed away again. "J." I look into their eyes. "What can I do to help you then?" Silence. Bella grabbed their phone and stepped away for a second. Two minutes later, Momona was inside my house, getting briefed by Bella. I saw three different emotions in her face; fear, worry, and anger.

"What the hell," Mo said, her voice breaking as she took Bella's seat. "Jade, why didn't you mention anything..." I leaned my head back, tired of the questions. "Okay, maybe the wrong place to start. We know the paparazzi was heavy, but what drove you this far?" Bella came over and whispered the stuff about Instagram comments. My dad and Bella followed me on burner accounts. Right then, it occurred to me that they could've seen the comments if they logged on while I was deleting them. "Shit. Jade, you should've said something." Cailey walked through the door now, receiving the same information. "Cai, come here." They both sat across from me, and Cailey put my hand in hers.

"I know what it's like being harassed," Cailey started slowly. "Once I was older, fans would show up where I was and blame me for Lori, when in reality, I had nothing to do with it." A small pause as she took a shaky deep breath. Mo rubbed her back. Bella was looking away from us. I suddenly felt the room switch from tense to tenser. "Jade, Chandler found me on the floor with a razor blade in my hand and my wrist with two bleeding lines. I saw his face, and that was probably the worst thing I experienced. I saw so many emotions that day. I wouldn't wish it on anyone." Silence filled my trailer for the next few minutes, except for my clock ticking and Bella Talking on the phone with someone. I just hope it wasn't my dad.

"I would love to say it'll stop," Mo said, sighing. "But it's unrealistic. People just have no limit sometimes. And I can only imagine what you're going through." Pause. A beat, and I hear the door open. Bella walked out, taking a deep breath, rubbing the same spot my dad does when he's anxious. I turn back to the girls. "Please. Don't hesitate to text. And keep your accounts private. Talk to your dad, switch phones and accounts." I nodded slowly, but I just wanted them gone. "I have to go. My parents and I have a scheduled call. Can you?" she asked Cailey, and she nodded. Mo walked out slowly, and I could hear her talking to Bella. Cailey looked at me with her gentle, kind eyes.

"You know, it's better to say something. You haven't said anything in the 15 minutes we've been here." I looked away. Anything but this. "I know I didn't get bullied like you. I'm sure they called you a lot of things." She struggled to find the words now. "Who would make you feel better about all this?" she asked, making me look at her. I thought silently, avoiding eye contact with her. My dad, I thought. Maybe Lele.

"Okay, I'm here, I heard everything from Bella and Mo," Walker said, barging into my trailer. His face, just like everyone's, reeked of worry. He saw how we were. Cailey was still basically doe-eyed, and I was over here. I had no idea what my face looked like. Maybe out of if. Cailey pushed her chair back and got up, motioning for Walker to sit across from me like they all had. Walker nodded and pulled her aside, whispering something in her ear. She nodded and left, not before squeezing me gently. The door closed behind her, and Walker moved the chair next to me. I looked away towards my bed. Walker shuffled his hands around for a while. We basked in the silence for a minute or so. "You wanna tell me what's going on?" I gave him the same silent treatment as everyone else. "Ok, you have to look at me." He gently moved my face to look at him, and his eyes looked into mine. "Are you okay?"

The dreaded words. I felt my eyes fill with tears, but before he could do anything, I wiped them away. I thought for a second, and he looked at me, expecting something in the way. I grabbed my phone, and showed him where it all started. The screenshots of the Instagram comments. I heard a couple soft gasps. If this was how Walker reacted, I felt a little seen. He gave me my phone back, but I smiled sheepishly as I swiped. The screenshots of the texts began. He noticed how much worse it got from the Instagram comments. Made sense: the comments were moderated, texts weren't. Then a call buzzed. I immediately declined it. "Woah, what are you doing?" he said, standing up. "That was your dad." I shrugged, sniffling. He stepped away and called him back.

"Hi Mr. Pascal. Yeah, I'm Walker. I'm with her right now, yes. Oh, no one's called you back? We thought Bella was... okay, I can fill you in." While Walker did that, I listened to the whole thing. Not only that, he put him on speaker.

"I knew she was going to get bothered by people online, but I didn't think it would be about you," I heard my dad say. He sounded genuinely panicked.

"And I'm really sorry about that sir. It was never my intention," Walker apologized. "But here's the summary of what's happened. People found her Instagram account and called her a lot of nasty stuff. Then she got her phone number doxxed. You saw that, but that was after he saw it. When you called, she was still taking screenshots." A pause. "Sir, they were really really abusive. I mean like the words were very uncalled for and rude."

Tears filled my eyes as I heard my father sniffle and clear his throat. "Are you still with her?" he asked. Walker hummed a yes as he looked at me and grabbed some tissues from the side of my bed to give me. "Jade. When you feel up to it, please call me." I nodded, and Walker relayed the information. "I love you," he said, and I bit my lip. Walker hung up, and sobs broke through my mouth. Walker walked over and wrapped his arms around me, just whispering comforting words as I cried and cried. The room spun around, and it felt like I couldn't catch my breath.

"Jade." The room spun faster, and my eyes couldn't focus.

"Jade, I'm here." Walker's voice was trying to ground me. I could feel his arms holding me steady.

"Breathe." I try, but it just comes out as gasps for air, as if I was drowning in an ocean. Hell, it definitely felt like I was.

"Deep breaths. Jade." I finally snapped back to reality, and I was breathing manually, taking deep breaths as I sat on the floor. The room stopped spinning now. Walker looked at me and hugged me. "You're okay. It's all going to be over soon."

I wasn't sure if he had any control over that, but for my sake, I chose to believe it.