Am I Really Enough?

Chapter 1

Jeff plastered his nose into Alan's neck, repeatedly breathing in the scent that always calmed him. Always kept him rooted in the now instead of lost in his own head where all the visions had taken root over the years. The visions that had been planted there whenever someone else touched his bare skin. So he breathed in, pulling Alan's scent into him, filling his lungs. Between breaths, he placed light kisses to Alan's neck, hands entwined in his hair, as Alan alternated between placing kisses down his torso and sucking gently on his nipples. Unlike with other people, Jeff felt calm and safe whenever he felt Alan's rough hands drag across his skin. Hands rough from years of garage work that now felt so loving and affection-filled as they slid from his shoulders to his hips. Whenever a previous vision drifted to the front of his consciousness, Jeff would focus on Alan's warm breaths trailing gently across him, and the vision would recede.

He looked into Alan's eyes as Alan pushed a stray hair from his face, running a finger gently across his forehead, down his cheek, and across his lips. Jeff shivered from the slight tickle that accompanied the loving touch. Alan placed a soft kiss on his lips followed by a barely heard "Ugh, the way I love you Jeff. Sometimes, so much it hurts." It was moments like these that Jeff felt an initial urge to push Alan away, declaring him not worthy of that much love. But, looking into Alan's eyes, he tightened his hands on the back of Alan's arms, secure in the knowledge that Alan had chosen him. Chosen him with all the baggage he came along with and had declared himself "Not afraid" of any of it.

Alan's tongue slid up the side of his neck, sucking a mark that would show his ownership tomorrow. A mark that Alan knew would embarrass Jeff at the garage the next day as the crew poked fun at them. But Jeff knew that Alan was also aware of how, while embarrassing, Alan's outward displays of his love only made Jeff feel more secure in their relationship. Secure in the knowledge that Alan not only loved him but was proud for other people to know he loved him.

Jeff slid his fingers into Alan's hair, grasping with tightly, as Alan's tongue circled his belly button, followed by open mouthed kisses to his hip bones. "Please" slipped from his lips. Alan raised his head and looked at Jeff with a raised eyebrow.

"Please what?"

Jeff closed his eyes for a moment before responding, "Please don't make me say it."

"But I love hearing it," Alan replied with a smirk.

"Enough with the kissing, please?" he tried but Alan only replied with a slight shake of his head.

"Please make love to me," he managed to squeeze out from between his lips. As much as he found it embarrassing to say these words, he did know Alan loved to hear them. He would remind himself that he could do this small thing to keep Alan happy. But, if he were to be honest with himself, there were other words he wanted to say. Words that grew bigger each time. Words he knew he couldn't say.

Alan was always so sweet and soft with him. Showing him at every moment how much love he had for Jeff. At every turn he showered Jeff with sweet affection and even softer sex. But there were times Jeff wanted, instead, to say, "Please fuck me." He wondered what it would be like to be taken hard, rough, and fast. But, he couldn't bring himself to say it, knowing how soft Alan always was in bed, never hinting at wanting anything more. So, Jeff swallowed the words, returned to the moment, enjoying what he had.

Alan sat up, reaching for the tube they kept under their pillow, and returned to his position over Jeff. After covering his fingers, he smiled at Jeff before licking a stripe up the side of his already hard cock, as Jeff arched upwards, returning his hands to their place in Alan's hair. He set one finger against Jeff's entrance, slowly pushing in, working his way, almost painfully, slowly up to three fingers. Jeff wondered what it would be like for Alan to shove all three fingers in from the outset, wondering if he would enjoy the painful burn that would accompany the action. Returning to the present, Jeff pulled at Alan's hair, murmuring, "Enough."

Alan looked up at him with a smile, sitting up and covering himself in lube. He smiled sweetly at Jeff, "Ready?"

Jeff knew that a simple nod would not be enough as Alan found verbal consent important in their relationship, knowing that Jeff had been made to do many things during his childhood that he had not wanted to. So he pulled Alan in for a kiss and replied quietly against his lips, "Very."

As always, Alan maintained a slow, tortuous pace as Jeff's mind lost focus, forgetting everything but Alan's damp skin against his. Everything but the push and pull of Alan sliding in and out of him. As he neared orgasm, he tightened his legs against Alan's hips and buried his nose into Alan's neck, breathing in once more before cumming across his stomach. Alan continued slowly thrusting, smearing cum between them, until filling Jeff up a few seconds later. Alan dropped his body against Jeff's with a soft sigh and a kiss to his ear.

Notes:

So, I've written for a new fandom. Hope you guys are down with that. I imagine I'll go back to BossNoeul characters once we get to watch them in TBNW. But, I've been really taken with some new couples, one of which is AlanJeff. So, here you go. Don't know how many chapters it'll be. It'll be fairly slow updates like my last fic, not weekly like early on. Thanks for everyone who is always patient waiting for new chapters. I love you all.

Also, in my story North/Sonic are a cp because we all know they are and Way is a good guy who never did anything wrong.