Am I Really Enough?

Chapter 8

In the passing weeks, everybody in the garage noticed but didn't comment on Alan's increased attention to Jeff. They hid their smirks as Jeff tried to hide his need to be near Alan which was difficult when working on the cars. So Jeff had taken to asking for Alan's opinion on a myriad of things that everyone knew Jeff didn't really need help with.

After work, Jeff felt his anxiety slowly rise as he left with Charlie for dinner. Charlie had invited only him, leaving Babe and Alan behind, stating he needed some bonding time with his brother. What had Jeff worried was Charlie only ever did this when he had something important and private he had to discuss with Jeff.

So Jeff sat quietly, sipping on his water, gnawing at the straw, and tearing off the corners of a napkin left on the table while waiting for Charlie to say something about why they were there. He looked up abruptly when Charlie asked, "So, everything going okay with Alan?"

"Yeah." Confused, Jeff began to panic, "Why? Did Alan say something? Did Babe? Or Way? Has someone else said something?"

Charlie reached a hand across the table to take a hold of Jeff's hand. "Calm down. Nothing like that. I promise."

Charlie knew Jeff too well for him to hide how anxious he still was after all that had happened. He had tried his best to not show how it had all affected him but he knew the rest of the crew had noticed how clingy he'd been. At first, he felt shame settle in his gut every time he called Alan over to answer some absurd question he'd come up with. The first few times, Alan had looked at him oddly before answering. But as he grew to understand, he would approach with a small smile and soft touches, settling Jeff's nerves.

"I just wanted to get you away from everyone to check on you. You and Alan went through a tough time and I want to make sure you're okay and you and Alan are okay. You seem to be. But what we see at the garage might not be what's going on outside the garage. You're my brother and I just need you to know you can talk to me if you need to."

Jeff felt Charlie's grip on him tighten slightly coupled with a small nod.

There had been something on his mind but he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to talk to Charlie about it. But he knew Charlie was a safe option if he wasn't quite ready to bring it up to Alan.

Probably sensing Jeff's apprehension, Charlie continued, "Look Jeff, I'm going to ask you something and it's probably kind of rude of me to ask because it's pretty personal. But Babe and I have been talking about it for a while now and I'm thinking it's been on your mind too. So, here goes. Babe and I are wondering if you and Alan have talked about mating yet? I mean, you've been together a while now."

Pausing, Charlie continued, "Sorry, I know it's really none of my business but I know how you get. I know that if Alan doesn't bring it up there's probably no way you will. I'm just thinking maybe you need someone other than Alan to talk to about it? If so, I'm here for you. Always."

Jeff put his head down on the table, trying to hide the reddening of his cheeks from Charlie. Sometimes it was like Charlie could read his mind and Jeff wasn't always sure he liked that about their relationship. He knew it was because they grew up with no one to talk to but each other, but still, as he grew up it became equal parts comforting and embarrassing.

Jeff felt fingers run through the hair at the back of his head; Charlie silently reasking his question and reassuring Jeff that he was safe.

TIlting his head up to prop his chin on his arms, Jeff answered, struggling and failing to keep his irritation out of his answer. "I mean, yeah, lots of times. But all before Kit happened. We were seriously making plans for it and then nothing. I keep wondering if he's going to bring it up again, but he hasn't." Then quieter, "I'm worried maybe he's changed his mind."