The Prostitute in Me

Chapter 1: The Prostitute in Maria

Maria stands in front of the apartment door belonging to her second lover in Jersey City.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

"José it's me, your mom," she says anxiously as her other three young children stand beside her. Juliana, the youngest of them all clings to her mother's left leg, letting Maria's black wavy hair tickle her cheek.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

"Come on! You're gonna be late!" Maria yells.

José muffles through the door, "I'm coming!" Maria slouches against the wall with uneven paint stains, next to her twelve year old son and ten year old daughter. She looks up at the cracked ceiling, sighs, and thinks of all she has to do this morning. She pulls out her phone. It's 7:45 am. The kids have to be in school at 8:00 am. They have to take the public bus to get them there. If she leaves now she can still make the next bus coming in five minutes, and at least get the three out of the four kids to school on time. Juliana on the other hand, would just have to be fifteen minutes late, but for a kindergartner, that'll be okay.

Maria rests her hand on her head as she waits, and finally the door clicks and she eagerly stands up straight. Little eight year old José finally pops out.

"Agh! What took so long?" Maria says sternly, "you were supposed to be ready before I got here."

"I couldn't find my other sock," José explains.

"Well now we gotta run to catch the bus," Maria exclaims, as she shuffles Juliana in her arms, and all four of them begin running down the stairs. The kids book bags flap against their backs outside the building. Maria yells out for her eldest to go ahead so he can hold the bus driver and stall him for a bit until they caught up, however José outruns his brother. Luckily José is able to stop the bus and convinces the driver to wait for his mother and 3 other siblings. When they get there José is already sitting in his regular seat, and the glares of the passengers are like knives on Maria and her kids.

"¿Qué pasa, amiga" the bus driver asks? "¿Por qué sin aliento?"

"Aye! Los niños me vuelven loca!" Maria responds, and the driver arrogantly laughs. She nervously laughs with him as she takes her seat. He would then ask her how her husband is doing in Spanish. José sat in silence next to his mother as she has a conversation with the driver. Juliana would lay her head on Maria's chest, sitting on her mama's lap, and the other two kids sat in the seats in back of them. After about ten minutes, José pressed the button to signal the driver to stop. As they got off, Maria yelled, "Gracias," and the driver winked back at her.

...

When Maria was in high school, her long lustrous hair and small figure would get all the guy's attention, but she wanted nothing more than to make her parents proud. Up until she graduated, she made straight As. Her aspiration was to be a nurse and be as helpful to others as her mother. She also had a goal to be as respected by others as her father. Unfortunately, her parents would never see her dreams come true, because when Maria was only twelve years old she lost her parents to a fatal car accident, so she'd have to stay with her grandparents.

Every Sunday, her grandparents took her to church, and one Sunday, twelve year old Maria came up to her grandma and asked one of the most innocent questions her grandmother would ever hear her ask.

"Abuelita," she said, "¿Por qué murió Jesús?"

"Para poder liberanos del pecado" her abuelita responded, and continued to explain that because Jesus died, her mama and papa would be able to go to heaven. This comforted Maria's precious little heart.

To Maria, Abuelita was very special. Every time she seen her abuela, it was like sitting in the grass on a nice warm, spring day, listening to a piano play it's harmonious music. Maria loved Abuelita very much. And when her abuela talked to her about God, and all the amazing things God did, her eyes lit up. She'd feel the closest to her grandmother when they prayed together.

"You know Maria, God is a god of love," Abuelita would say. "You just have to trust that what I say is true. And keep your faith even when it's hard to do so."

Maria gave her grandma a big warm hug and said, "I love you, abuela."

"I love you more, mija," Abuelita said, holding Maria close to her chest.

Whenever maria came home with a good grade, Abuelita would say to her, "tus padres miran hacia abajo con amor," which is translated to "your parents are looking down with love." "They'd be so proud," she'd say and this gave Maria the confidence to continue her education. She'd then get a scholarship to get her through graduation and earn an associates degree. But this wasn't enough for Maria. She wanted to keep going and become a nurse practitioner. However, once it was time for her to move on to grad school, her abuela got really sick, where she needed to be hospitalized for a few weeks. This meant Maria would need to find a job so she could help pay for the hospital bills as well as nursing school. This is something she'd keep to herself though, and never told anyone about how sick her abuela was. Eventually she'd take out student loans to help pay for the rest of her education.

In the meantime, she met a man who she fell in love with. This man was a Hispanic man like her who worked in construction and had goals of his own to be a business man. They met at the same church she'd go to with her grandparents. With him, she felt as though she could run in the woods in the dark and never get lost or hurt. The comfort of his arms would be enough to feel his love. Eventually she married this man and had her first two children with him. All while she was still going to school.

One night, Maria began to feel the stress of being a mother, a wife and a student, bang into her head. It was like a crow bar scratching it's way through metal. This would get in between her marriage and brought up many arguments between her and her husband. Maria began to feel as though she was sinking in a hole and it just kept getting deeper the more they argued. So Maria kept on falling without any idea of knowing when she'd be able to climb back out. All she wanted was to be a good wife and mother. And school didn't make things any easier. She wasn't able to grasp the material in the class as well as she used to. This made Maria feel weak as it would mean she's disconnected from her parents.

Maria then decided to go for a walk by herself, in the middle of the night, after one bad argument with her husband. She then found a bench at the park nearby. There she thought of her grandmother, and remembered all the stories she told her of her mother as a child. Suddenly, the comfort she felt from Abuelita was loss, and she wanted nothing more than to be back in her arms as a child, kneeling and praying to God. Then the cold of the night, pierced her skin as she sat there by herself. Feeling the pressure of loneliness take control of her body, Maria pressed her head down on her legs, while her arms draped around her face for comfort, and she cried. The river of despair poured right out and all she could do was let it happen. Oddly enough, when she was done crying she felt comforted and she remembered what her grandmother said about keeping the faith even when it's hard. That's when Maria spread open her arms and prayed. At last, she felt the warmth of her grandmother's love again.

The next morning after she got the kids ready (who at the time were only four and two), decided to visit her grandparents house, after her husband left for work. When she got there she'd ask her grandmother, who was still very sick, to pray with her. When they were finished she asked about the hospital bills, and her abuela explained she'd been in and out of the hospital for the past few months. This worried Maria and she wished there was something she could do, but all she could think of was being more consistent in her prayer life, while also trying to make more time for visits. After about three hours of spending time with her grandparents and the kids, she realized this is what she was really longing for; more quality time with her family. In that moment all she wanted was to do what was right and give her family the best.

...

The next year, though she seemed to have a better relationship with her beloved children, it wasn't the same for her and her husband. The arguments would get worse and it caused Maria to go to the bar almost every night. But she wasn't there to get drunk or drown out her unhappy marriage. She was there for one purpose only; to see Alberto.