Tulip| 18+

chapter thirty

D A M O N

"Are you sure you do not have to return to CAMH?"

I nodded as I yawned, "I do not need to return to CAMH. I just need to stay in therapy" I said making her sigh. "Have you watched any of the videos she recorded for you?" She asked making me raise my eyebrows.

"No, and I do not think I am going to. When Roman gets older and wants his videos I will gladly give them to him but I don't think I want to hear what she has to say" I said as I cracked my knuckles.

"Why don't you want to hear what she has to say?" She asked as I leaned back into the couch, "She has been lying her whole life. She modified herself to fit my standards and to become the love of my life so why wouldn't she lie again in the videos?" I asked.

"You are a pretty big romance guy so from the love point of view how do you feel?" She asked. "I loved the side of Natalie she let me see, I loved the idea of Natalie she presented to me," I said making her write something in her notebook.

"You aren't calling her Tulip anymore," She said. Anytime someone has asked me about her it just doesn't feel right to call her tulip anymore, tulip was the woman who was perfect for me. I can not associate Natalie with Tulip. Those are two drastically different women.

"Tulip is done. Now all that is left is Natalie. I love Tulip, I always have and I always will. She is the love of my life which sounds crazy but she is. This whole situation is crazy but I stand by what I said" I said making her smile at me.

"Tis better to have loved and lost than never loved at all." She said as I looked at my watch, "That is what you said" She added making me look at her on my laptop screen. "Yes, I know what I said," I said as Arabelle walked into my office.

"Alright I will see you tomorrow for our scheduled time," I said as I waved and she shook her head as I ended the call. "Ready?" She asked as I closed my laptop, "Yep" I said as I stood up and we walked out of my office.

We made our way outside and started to stretch, "I am not hiding it from you" She said randomly making me glance at her as we started to jog. "What is it?" I asked making her look straight ahead as our heart rates started to pick up.

"Before everything happened I was pregnant, you do remember that right?" She asked as I looked at her, "Yes I do remember that" I said. "Well after Natalie died and you just disappeared, I had a miscarriage," She said casually.

My legs came to a halt as she kept on running then eventually stopped, a miscarriage? She turned around and looked at me as I just stared at her, "Why did you stop?" She asked. "A miscarriage?" I asked making her sigh as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"Was it stress induced? Was it because of me?" I asked as I walked up to her, "No Damon there are countless reasons why a woman can have a miscarriage" She said making me stand still. "Yeah stress being one of them," I said.

"You're not in the mood for a run," She said as she walked past me, "You had a mis-"

"I do not want to talk about it." She said cutting me off. We walked back to the house in complete utter silence, we both knew that I was the sole reason for her having a miscarriage.

By putting myself first I have somehow caused the majority of the people in my life a tremendous amount of pain. But if I hadn't put myself first, I still would've caused them pain regardless.

I can not win.

I walked into Roman's room to see him sleeping on the floor, his bed was messy which tells me that he was originally on it but fell off it and was too lazy to get back onto it. "Up and at 'em," I said as I opened the blinds.