What Do You Want From Me?

I Told You

"Roxi, don't play games, Eleanora, your baby." Mom said as she looked at me with a worried expression on her face. "I didn't have a baby, mom. You're scaring me." Mom's eyes start to water and she runs downstairs but comes back up moments later with a baby in her arms. Ethan comes in soon after. "Roxi, you gave birth almost a week ago, do you not remember?" Ethan asks. "That's not my kid, Ethan." I reply as I start to cry.
Ethan sits down beside me and pulls me into his arms. Mom walks out the room with the baby and shuts the door. "Ethan, what's happening to me, did I really give birth?" I ask. "Yes, her name is Eleanora June." Ethan replies. How could I forget such an event like that. Ethan hugs me tighter as I cry into his chest. He comforts me the rest of the night. I barely got any sleep after that.
"Roxi, I'm going to grab your test results, I'll be right back." Mom said. "Would you like to hold Eleanora?" Ethan asks. "I'm afraid I'll drop it, Ethan." I reply. He smiles at me. "I'll help you and give you extra support."
Ethan slowly hands me the baby and guides me how to hold it properly. I start to shush gently and rock it slowly side to side. It was kinda peaceful but I didn't feel like I wanted this. "Why do you refer to Eleanora as "it" Roxi?" Ethan asked. "Cause y'know how when you have like a soul tie with a person you had a baby with, I feel like a mother should have that with her kid. I don't feel like this with Eleanora at all. See, you and I, Ethan, no matter what, our souls will be tied together even in the afterlife. Even if one of us die or we split and move on with our lives separately, we'll still be tied. It should be like that with your child but it's not. And I knew it the second she came out of me. Mentally, she's not my child." I replied.
Ethan frowned at me and gestured for me to hand it back to him, so I did.
"It's a shame, Rox. I know you care about her, and I know you thought about her name for a while. Eleanora June doesn't come from anywhere." He was right. I thought about the name for months because she needed a name as perfect as she looks. Eleanora June fits her like a glove. "Ethan, don't give me any shit about this, what do you want me to say, I should've aborted her?" "Yes Roxi, you should've." Ethan replied. "Well, Ethan you do the crime, you do the time. There shouldn't be an abortion option for a stupid, drunk mistake." Ethan looked at me with disgust. Atleast that's how I felt. I ran out of the room crying, not looking back.
"Hey Ethan, I just got back from the hospital with her results." Amalie said. "Okay what are they?" "My daughter has severe depression, but the doctors say something else that's not on these result sheets. The doctors think she has postpartum depression and showing signs of schizophrenia. There's medicine but I think she might have to be hospitalized so she can be watched. So she has an appointment next week." Amalie replied. "Does she know about that yet?" Ethan asks. "No, and she won't know or else she'll freak out on me."
I overhear mom and Ethan's conversation and it upsets me even more. I can't believe Ethan was going to lie to me. It was stupid of me to take him back. He's made my life even worse, and that baby. It's not mine. He cheated on me. He had to. That baby doesn't even look anything like me. I just need to make him tell me the truth. "Ethan, I need you upstairs." I yell. "What is it, Rox?" "I know you cheated on me, so just tell me the truth." I say. "Roxi, are you okay, what's this about?" He asks. "Ethan just tell me the truth! You've cheated and that's not my baby, it looks nothing like me." I yell. "Roxi, that's your kid for sure number one, we never labeled our relationship as anything in the first place so if I were to cheat, you shouldn't be getting mad, and I would never cheat on you in the first place." He replies. His response makes me even more mad. I just start screaming out random curse words at him. He grabs me and pulls me into his arms, and once again, I start to cry. It started to become a weekly occurrence. Ethan and I would argue, and then he would end it by hugging me and I would start crying. Sounds pathetic, I know. One night, it was different. I felt different towards Ethan. I didn't feel any love towards him, it was hatred. I don't know why but I did. Ethan had asked me to grab him a midnight snack. As I was doing that, I decided to grab something else for him too. I approached Ethan as he was lying in bed. He must've dozed off. He looks so peaceful and calm. I was hesitant at first, but all the memories of my past started coming back and it angered me. Without a second thought, I did it.