ODELL'S POV
she was my chance, when there was no giving
She was my air, when there was no oxygen
She was my light, when all was dark and swell
She was my breath of fresh air, after being swallowed by pollution
She was my peace of mind, when the voices took over.
For without her, i don't have chance, nor air, nor light, no breath and certainly no peace of mind.
Without her i am merely just a roaming soul left a stray.
I sit there knees bouncing, heart pounding achoing throughout my ears as the cold tint hospital air infiltrate my lungs with it's overly sanitary smell making me sick to my stomach.
"Sir" repeated what sounded merely like an acho
"sir" he said again and this time i stand meeting his gaze as my eyes trail over his bloody scrubs as he pulls off his gloves, slowly pulling off his surgical hat as it grazes along his chest.
" We tried everything to save her and the baby, but she demanded we save the baby, I'm so sorry Mr Beckham" the last words sent a deafening silence to my ears as though a bomb had exploded right next to me.
Everything went still, my breath, my mind, hell even the room itself but the people seemed to be moving slow and the wails of Yn's mother crying in my mother's arm seemed as though it was happening three blocks away.
It felt like the world had swallowed me whole " my baby oh dear god, my child, no no Heather my child" her wails continued, no mother deserved to grieve their child, no husband deserves to grieve their wife.
__________________
Be a father
BE A FATHER!!
Hold him
Look at him
DO SOMETHING GODDAMMIT!!
It's been a week since the death of the love of my life, my reason to live also marking it the day my son was born, a life for a life, how am supposed to take care of him, i can barely even look at him, it wasn't supposed to happen like this, it was suppose to be me, him and yn, no me and him.
I can't bring myself to look at him, my own son, my own flesh and blood, do i blame him for her death? No i could never, I just... I can't look into his eyes without seeing her she's left every single feature of hers on him.
Her eyes, her ears, her nose, her chin, her cute thin eyebrows and those long lashes.
I can't do this.
I can't be his father
I can't be the person to raise him
I can't... I just can't.
____________
3 MONTHS LATER
"Walk a little slower daddy"
Said a child so small
I'm following in your footsteps
And I don't want to fall
" Odell, he's crying can you please get him" my mother spoke as i trailed downstairs, walking past him and ignoring her pleads " ODELL" she calls out.
I turn around shaking my head " Odell you have to stop this, it's been 3 months, he has no name and you still haven't even looked at him once since he came home" she argues while yn's mom walks towards him, taking him out of his crib settling his cries down.
My mom takes him from her and she walks towards me lifting him up and i turn my head " look at him Odell" she warns " look at him" she brings him closer and i push her away " FOR FUCKS SAKES LOOK AT YOUR SON " She yells trying to force him into my arms as yn's mom calmly begs her to give him to her.
