My Childhood best friend (NiallxReader) pt 2

29- Make a decision

Y/n & Niall
3 months later*

Y/n*

"I can't stand seeing you like this! What the hell does he think he's doing?!" My brother walks around in his and Sabrina's flat frustrated while I'm just sitting on his couch watching his reaction to when I told him about how Niall never feels ready to actually admit that what we have is a relationship.

"I don't know what to do, I- I love him so much and this is exhausting" I say covering my face with my hands.

"You should do what you should've done when he broke up, stay away from him, he only hurts you Y/n" My brother sits down next to me, looking at me with the same concerned eyes as he's always had since he was a kid.

"No- " I won't believe what he's saying, It's not true. Niall is not hurting me, he is the only person who really understands me, who's always there for me and says exactly what I need to hear, except from...

"Y/n I really hate to say this but if he really wanted to he would've done so much more" Josh puts his arms around me knowing that I will break down in tears right after he said that.

"He loves me Josh, he would never hurt me"

"Why are you crying right now?"

Niall. Because of Niall. It's all because of Niall.

"I thought we were perfect"

"I know that you love Niall, and he loves you too, I can see that, but he has no right doing this to you. You deserve the world sis, and the way he treats you it's- it's not- "

"I'm home- Oh my gosh!" Sabrina runs into the room over to us throwing her purse on the kitchen counter.

"What is going on?" She hugs me as well.

"I love him!" I cry out, the tears are running down my cheeks, I can barely see anything because my eyes hurts so much while I'm trying to catch my breath. Anxiety.

"Y/n darling, breathe, breathe" Sabrina says trying to help me calm down, it doesn't help though. How does Niall manage to make it better every time by just being there?

"I just want to be with him, that's all I want but he doesn't" My voice cracks.

"You came here to tell me Niall has no problem being the perfect boyfriend in front of the camera but he won't be in a relationship with you. Don't cry over him" Josh says.

"First he tells me he's not ready for a relationship and in the next minute he talks about marriage! I can't do this-"

"He's just a guy-"

"He's not just a guy! He's Niall! He's- I love him so much" I stand up heading to the front door.

"Where are you going love?" Josh is standing behind me.

"I just need to get out"

"I'll go with you" Sabrina says but I stop her.

"I really want to be alone right now" I say before walking out of their place. Just as I have reached the pavement outside the building I break out into tears. I'm not in the mood of going back home because then I'll get myself stuck in there so I decide to take a walk through Battersea Park. Just to clear my head, thinking about something else, but seeing all those children running around playing with each other only reminds me of Niall.. Y/n I really hate to say this but if he really wanted to he would've done so much more.
The moment my brother said that I felt mad at him, but what if he's right? No matter how many times I tell Niall he's everything to me and that he shouldn't feel like he isn't enough, he still keeps going back saying that's the reason he's not ready for a relationship yet. He told me we shouldn't rush into things this time either but still he does everything he did when we were together except admitting that what we are is a couple who are basically dating. We've practically lived together since New Year's and still he says When times right...
Since he went to the US a couple of weeks ago I've had time to think, maybe too much? I know he's going through a rough time now, the whole band are, especially Zayn so maybe I shouldn't expect much from him right now. But this is exhausting, if he doesn't want to be with me I will accept that. It's going to be hard but I will, what is much worse is that right now I have no idea if he actually wants to be with me or not. Grandma told me on Christmas that I shouldn't stick around waiting for him if he never finds out what he wants. But it is easier for someone else to say than what it is for me to do. I've believed in us so much that I haven't realised that maybe what we have is nothing more than two people who love each other but in the end it is not meant to be. Maybe what we are isn't more than just childhood best friends?