Villan Of Your Story

Villian Of Your Own Story

I still remember those days,
Back in 9 th grade,
The days I was suffering and couldn't tell anyone,
I dint deserve all the sufferings...,

I was being bullied,
I was called a "Slut" and a failure , good for nothing person and what not,
Bullied by my best frnd,
Was bullied by my class teacher , headmistress
Was bullied to such an extent that I started self harm,
Went into depression,
Stopped having food,
Had an eating disorder,
Cried to sleep everyday,
Scored low marks in every subject,
And became the quitest kid of the class...

Perhaps I trusted the wrong people,
I was foolish enough to do so , wasnt I?
But what can I do?
I just blindly trusted my 10 years old frndship,
And in the end got snitched by him ,
Got stuck in a scandal,
A scandal where I dint commit any mistake,
I was just framed there...

He told everyone he was the victim and I was the villain...
It felt like I was the
"Villian of my own story"

Gradually my grades and my popularity came down ,
Person who snitched on me started to have a rise in his popularity and everything ,
And there it started ,
People started to hate me ,
And they weren't satisfied with what I was going through ,
They needed more ,
More and more,
They complained on me to my class teacger that I am awake at night and do bad stuff,
The stuff I wasnt aware off ,
The stuff I dint do,
But people believed them and there it started,

I was alone ,
During lunch breaks and recess ,
I had no one except my novels ,
I was soo lonely that I stopped eating lunch,
I just turned around and I can see people having fun with their pretty groups,
Laughing , goofying around...
But I had no one...

I could here people curse and talk shit about me in the washrooms,
I could see and analyze the way people were looking at me,
In a disgusted way...

But I had no one to tell to,
Infact my own parents dint trust me that time,
I was alone...
Fighting my own battles , figuring out what to do...

I couldn't cry in school, infront of everyone ,
I hated the tag cry baby , i was insecure about my self crying...
So yea
I used to just run inside washroom,
Quickly take out a blade and cut my self ,
I really dint feel any pain,
In fact it felt a sigh of relief in doing that...,

I was even mentally unstable, to an extent that ,
I tried suicide attempt! Twice !
I wanted to jump of from my apartments rooftop and die,
But I couldn't do that ,
Maybe I did not have enough dare to do that...

A 13 year old gurl cant just jump of a roof top and disappear in one random day , can she?
I had to live,
I had to survive...

But I guess my depression got the best of me ,
It started impacting more and more on my mental health,
I started isolating myself,
Started having panic attacks,
Dint feel like having anything,
Dint feel like doing anything...

What was more worse , that ,
I lost all the self confidence I had ,
My class teacher used to scold me and bully me infront of my classmates,
And shameless my just took all those comments and just cried inside,
Cause what more I can do???
I tried my level best to fight back,
But I failed...

Daily at midnight,
I used to go to this pooja room i had in my house,
Sit in front of god ,
And asked him,
Why me? Why only me? Why always me?? Why no one else??? Why should I be suffering??
I used to begg god to remove all this from my life so that I can live peacefully...
But maybe no...

After 1.5 years too , I dint change
Things have changed .
They got back to their old way,
I started scoring well and was happy
But I am still fighting depression and anxiety...
And some part of me is broken, it can never be healed , scars never heal , you just have to learn to live with them...
And fight your own battles...

Thank you
Jai hind...
N.S✨