Sadly, There Is More Than Us

{12} Family Bonds

Christmas at home was difficult. I worry about seeing Hermione again. How can I possibly tell her of the things I have done? I know what they have been saying about me in Hogwarts. I have risked losing my owl trying to send Harry, Ron and Hermione letters. Hermione is the only one who answers me. I haven't written to her in a few days. I cannot continue to risk it. My mother tells me that we will have visitors tonight. It is lonely in this house. It is just mother and I... and those who she keeps down in the cellars. I saw her bring in a young boy yesterday. I wouldn't say he was older than twelve. When I asked her why, she slapped me across the face and told me I shouldn't question her. She told me he is a mudblood and that I should know better. 

She tells me daily that Hogwarts has changed me. She is disappointed in me. She says it has made me soft. She is right, I suppose, in one way. But it is not the walls of Hogwarts that have made me soft. It is one Hermione Granger. 

I walk down from my bedroom into the foyer, and I am met with screams. Not entirely unusual in my household but I am more sensitive to it now. There is a woman bleeding on the floor. She moves from right to left in pain. I believe there is some sort of curse on her. Where I would usually step over such a site, I paused and looked at her. This is some small punishment for my compliance. I must feel the guilt and terror of my actions. i mouth 'I'm so sorry' into her terrified eyes and walk around her. 

'Y/N, my dear!' Bellatrix says joyfully as I enter the Kitchen. She hugs me. 

My mother is a confusing woman. She is wicked and evil and cruel..... but she loves me. I know it. Behind the anger and the discussing sentiments, there is a mother's love for her daughter. It makes unlearning her ways that much harder. 

'what has you so happy, Mother' I respond. 

'Narcissa is over for dinner this evening, and everything is going to be perfect. Isn't that right, Fiddle? ' Bellatrix looks at a thin and old house elf that is slaving over a pot of food. His eyes remain down. He is cut and bruised. There is a gash on his ear. The only ear he has. I remember the night he lost the other. I remember the blood splatter on my shoes. That was a terrible Christmas. 

'Yes master, Fiddle will make an extravagant meal for Mister and Misses Malfoy.' he says quickly.

Mother doesn't answer him. She nods her head out of the room, indicating she wants me to follow her. 

'Y/N, it is no secret that you have put the LeStrange name to absolute shame. I thank the Great Lord every day that you are registered in Hogwarts under L/N. That vile, vile name.  Nonetheless, between being sorted into Gryffindor and your...rumoured.. tolerance of that Mudblood. You have disappointed my greatly.'

'Yes, mother, of course, mother.' I reply obediently as I follow her. I fear that it is likely we are going to the cellars. As we pass the suffering woman in the foyer, I hear her beg, ' KILL ME KILL ME LET IT BE OVER WITH PLEASE!'. Mother ignores her and kicks her away when she tries to grapple her feet. She looks at me. I spit on the woman, and Mother smiles. I imagine Hermione's face and I hate myself. I am a coward. I do not belong in Gryffindor. 

I was correct. My mother stops at the cellars. 

'Because of your recent events, I will have you put things right tonight when Narcissa is here. I will not have your weakness questioned by my family or worse by the dark lord himself.' 

She opens the cellar door, and the people inside, there's about eight or so, scatter to the walls in an attempt to stay far away from the horrid woman with whom I share my blood. 

'Pick one, my dear', my mother whispers in my ear enticingly. 'I have noticed you digging the cellars, dear. You will not be weak. This is for the good of the world. It has been too long. Pick. ONE.' She continues whispering but yells the final two words, which makes some of the people in the room whimper. I don't allow myself to flinch. I need her to think I am on her side. I need her to think this is true to protect everyone in Hogwarts, everyone I love, and ....to protect myself. I look straight ahead and then turn my head to look directly into my mother's eyes.