Slipping Into The Dark

27 || Tell me how you Feel

Del's P.O.V.

I go home with the gang and the car ride is an eerie silence. "Guys," I clear my throat and their attention goes to me. "We don't have yo sit in silence. I have cancer and I don't have to much longer to live. Lets make my last few months a blast. We can play football and drink and play truth or dare. We're gonna get through this, I know we can because, we're a family. I love you guys. I just-" At this point my eyes fill with tears and I fight back crying. "I just, I don't want to leave you guys. I don't want to say goodbye to you guys. I love you guys. I want you guys to keep living after I'm gone. Please, just don't give up. I don't have hope, I'm not gonna live, but ya'll do."

Steve looks over at me crying slightly, "Delilah, I know we're not dating anymore because, I....I ruined that, but I love you so much. I don't think I'm ever gonna be okay without you. I don't think my life is gonna be the same. I've dated a few girls and I've seen girls, but when I'm with.....When I'm with you there's something different. I can tell that you love me. You're smile-" He stops there as a few tears slip out of his eyes. "I love you Delilah."

The gang all looks at me waiting for me to say I love him too, which I do, but how. How am I gonna tell him I love him when I'm dying? How am I gonna ruin his life when I love him? I take a deep breathe before responding, "Stevie, if I say I love you too it'll only hurt more when I die and if I don't it's gonna hurt you right now. So what do you want now or later?"

"Tell me how you feel," he gulps not breaking eye contact.

I look away from him for a second chuckling slightly to myself as I think back to all out memories. I think I've always loved him. I just never knew it before. I look back to him smiling, "I love you, but I don't just love you. I've always loved you as more than a friend. You've always infatuated me and make my heart sing as butterflies erupt in my stomach. I'm in love with you, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I'm in love with you because, we're never gonna get married and we're never gonna have kids. So, you might as well move on because, I don't want you to ruin your life with you mourning me. I don't want that for you. I want you to get married to another girl and to get her pregnant, to have kids with her because, we're never gonna be able to do all the things, we wanted to do. Okay. At least you have a chance at happiness. I don't."

Charlie smiles sadly as she rubs my back, "I'm so sorry my love."

"No!" I yell loudly fighting back tears. "Don't be sorry. Don't be sorry, I'm gonna die. It's gonna happen and at least we know. You know, I used to think about my wedding day, but now I don't care. I don't even care. I'm never gonna get married or get pregnant. I'm never gonna be normal and I'm never gonna be okay with that. So don't say you're sorry because, at the end of the day it's not gonna help me. I'm not gonna magically be okay because, you're sorry. Okay? I'm so tired of people telling me they're sorry. Don't be sorry!"

"Oh," Charlie sighs.

I look at her and let out a sad sigh, "I'm sorry Charlie, I didn't mean to flip out on you. I just, I don't know what to do. I'm not even fifteen, it's not long enough. I wanna get married and have kids. I wanna watch Claire grow up. I wanna watch the gang grow as we all fall in love. I wanna live. It's not fair. It's not fair!"

Dally looks at me fighting back tears, "you gotta stay strong. Okay Del? You gotta stay strong."

"Why?" I ask my voice cracking. "Why should I? I'm gonna die Dallas. It's gonna happen. So, why? Why should I fucking stay strong when everything is wrong!"

He lets out a small sob as he pulls over looking back at me holding my knee as we both cry, "I've seen you grow up Delilah. I know the magic you can do and you'll get through this. You have to! I know what you're capable l of. I've seen you swing at our drunk father every time he would even put a finger on Daisy. I've seen you do thing that most kids wouldn't. You're braver then most of the kids we see now and days. Stay strong and kick cancers ass because, I know you can."

I shake my head letting out a loud sob, "no! No, I'm not! I'm not strong enough or brave enough to deal with this. I don't want to die! I can't die!"

Dally grabs my hands fighting back tears, "you're not gonna die! I'm gonna make damn sure you don't die!"

I shake my head as tears stream down my cheeks, "how? You can't. I'm sorry Dallas, but I'm gonna die."

"I refuse to believe that," he rolls his eyes. "YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE!"

"Whatever," I sass him. "Believe whatever you want, but I know the truth. Lets be realistic, I'm gonna die so just deal with it."

"You'll get better just watch," he smirks.

"Just watch! Just fucking watch?" I snap. "Watch what? Watch myself die. No! I don't want to die, let along watch myself die! I don't care. Okay? I don't care anymore so lets just go back to being silent or go back to being normal. You're choice!"

Pony looks at me for the first time and I see his puffy red cheeks as water drips down his eyes, he sniffles slightly before hiccuping out, "D-D-Dellilah, you can't d-die, I-I-I-I l-lo-love you wa-way too much. P-p-please don't d-d-die on me."

I pull him into a tight hug as we both sob on each shoulders, "I'll try Pone, I promise you. I'll try. I'll try not to die on you Pone. I love you."

I'm sorry this one is so short, but it's centered around Delilah, which doesn't happen much. I hope you guys enjoyed this. Next is gonna be Dally's chapter. He deserves a turn too. Stay gold. Do it for Johnny!-Beth