𝐑𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬 🩸

𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠: 𝐄𝐥𝐤 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞 - 𝐃𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐝 𝐊𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐧𝐞𝐫

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡, 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐠 𝐮𝐬𝐞

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  Thick green ivy covers his grave, I reach out and push it aside so I can read his name. It's been 3 months now since my boyfriend passed, he got into a very bad motorcycle accident. Silent tears fall down my cheeks, I don't even bother to wipe them. They drop onto the dirt below me. "I miss you Rafe." I whisper to the grave, I know he lies in. I bring my hands to my messy hair. "Why did you have to go? I love you." I stare up at the sky, watching the sunset.

   I sit there until it gets dark. "I've got to go, I'll be back tomorrow." I slowly get up, staring at his headstone. A sob escapes me and I can feel my red hair sticking to my wet cheeks. I pick up all of my stuff and reluctantly walk away from him. I sling my bag over my shoulder, I've been bringing him flowers everyday. Yesterday it was roses, today it was white tulips. It kills me, not being able to see his face. Why did he have to go out that night? Why couldn't he have just stayed in? 

   I arrive back at my house, the tears have stopped but I still feel hollow. A part of my soul left when he died. The part that made me me. I feel like a silhouette now, just a pile of skin and bones. I enter my house, it's dark and full of memories.

*

  "This food is amazing Y/n." Rafe says between bites. This was the first time he came around my house, I cooked him steak tacos because he had never tried them before. "Thank you." I look down at my plate, trying to hide my pink cheeks.

*

   Me and Rafe were sat on my couch watching my favourite movie, she's the man. I chuckle at a funny part and Rafe turns to look at me. I end up meeting his gaze, "What?" I ask, raising one eyebrow at him. "Nothing I just love your laugh." Heat creeps up onto my cheeks and he holds my hand. I go back to watching the movie as he rubs my hand with his thumb.

*

  I walk over to my fridge and pull out the nearest alcohol. I don't even care what it is I just need alcohol. This has become my nightly routine; go to Rafe's grave, come back, drink, occasionally I do some coke and then I go to bed. I pour the raspberry gin into the glass. I then reach back into the fridge and grab the lemonade. Some lemonade joins the alcohol in my glass. Straight after, I down the whole thing.

  I repeat this process a few more times until everything's numb. I know he wouldn't want this for me, turning to drinking to numb all of the pain I'm in. But I'm lost, I don't care about anything anymore. I need something stronger, something to make me feel euphoric. I reach onto one of the draws where I hide my stash. While I'm making a line I get a phone call from Sarah. I let it ring, I know she's in just as much pain as I am in but I just need time for myself. I  snort the line before throwing my head back and sighing. I don't want to do too much because this shit is expensive so I just do it one more time.

  I throw myself off of the stool and make my way to my bedroom, not bothering to clean up the mess I made. I stand in front on my full body mirror and sigh. My pupils are dilated, my once smooth hair now tangled. Mascara runs down my tear stained cheeks from all of the crying. My eyes are red, I'm beginning to see myself in my father. An alcoholic, a druggie. I walk backwards and fall onto my bed, i can't be bothered to get changed. I never do anymore. My room is a mess because I can't bring myself to clean it up. My eyes slowly close and I drift off to sleep. I hope I never wake up.

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𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟕𝟏𝟎

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐢 𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐳𝐞, 𝐢𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐚𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐢'𝐦 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐛𝐠 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫.