Start From the Beginning

Chapter 7:

Chapter 7

Saylor

Then:

In reality, the nap I tried to take, did NOT pan out. I made some calls and may have booked a hotel room near the café that I was planning on meeting Spencer at. I was two hours away from home, I was not sure of the work, or the mental strain today would take on me. I was already tired, and I knew that going through the past would put me in a place that exhausted me more than just losing sleep.

I took a shower, did my makeup, packed a small bag, and did my hair. I spent some time loving on Score, even though I wouldn't be gone long, I didn't like leaving without him knowing how much I loved him.

KT had a text come her way and she was ready to check in on him while I was away. I had it all planned out. I was ready to head to Quantico. I was ready to see Spencer. I think I was even ready to talk about Logan.

While I waited for time to pass I mentally went through the last 10 years of my life with Logan. We were friends growing up but I really got to know him around the age of 15. I went back through the experiences and some of our conversations. The way his family life was, important events to him and his family—I thought about it all and I was sure there was a detail in those memories that could change the course of the case for the BAU.

I pulled up the GPS, typing in the address and getting in my truck. I left early enough that I had time to check into my hotel but also that way I had time to relax my mind when I got there. I needed to be there before Spencer, I needed the chance to see and familiarize myself with my surroundings to lessen the anxiety I felt being in an unknown place alone.

I hit my favorite playlist and went over the details in my heads. The details about Logan. The schedule I had for myself when I got to the hotel. What I was going to do when I got to the café. It all had a place and timeline in my head. I had it all planned and was prepared for just about anything.

I was mostly ready to save someone else. It crossed my mind that if it was Logan, there would be more if he didn't come after me next. He would find another girl who portrayed something that reminded him of me to attract him, but then he would get bored and angry because I betrayed him – if that was the right way of thinking about the case. He would get rid of her before she could get rid of him. He was in control of the situation in this sense but strangling her was his way of feeling power... then it hit me... he was in control here. He was controlling his narrative.

I noted to myself that I needed to run that idea of control and the strangling, the power, to Spencer.

I drove carefully and cautiously. I was excited and nervous all at once. I tried my best to get lost in the music – feel the way it moved me instead of the way I was tuning into the apprehensions I was feeling.

The two-hour drive truly did fly by, and I was able to get into my room without issue. Crossing that off my list helped lower the expectations I had that I was unsure of. It took away that extra stress I had, giving me a boost in confidence. I unloaded my bag and went to my room, just feeling more myself. I looked over myself in the mirror – checking that I was professional and yet attractive, that I was put together.

I walked out, thanking the doorman as he opened the large doors for me. I was walking out into the sidewalk of a small town that didn't feel so scary and foreign anymore.

I remember being in college, feeling as if this was my path. I was going towards the FBI, I wanted to be in the BAU. Anywhere near that building and that world was where I wanted to be. This town was in my list of places to move into, and I was happy to be experiencing it now as a more mature and prepared person than I was out of college. If that made any sense at all.